On my way here

I feel so empowered and confident when I am belting out the words of the song, On My Way Here, by Clay Aiken. It is such a powerful song for me. I literally listen to it every single day. In fact, I am listening to it on repeat right now as I am writing this blog post.

I feel like I can do anything when I am listening to the words, on my way here, where I am now, I've learned to fly, I have to want to leave the ground, I've fallen hard, but I've been loved, and in the end it all works out, my faith has conquered fear, on my way here.

It feels so amazing to feel the power of pure confidence and this song gives me that feeling. When I hear this song, I always imagine myself walking out on to a stage and I begin to give an inspirational talk with the words, I've seen the best and I've seen the worst, and I wouldn't change what I've been through. I've touched the sky, I've hit the wall, but I did what I had to, on my way here.

As I look out over a crowd of people I see that they are excited to be here, in my audience. Some have traveled a bit to be here and some are lucky enough to live in the city in which I am speaking. In either case, they all have their notebooks out, eager to write down whatever it is that strikes them as a little nugget of wisdom that has totally shifted their paradigm. It's that one thing that I am able to say in just the right way that sinks in this time. It seems very familiar, because they have heard something like it before, but just the right Apozitude version of it really makes sense and changes their perspective on life. Sometimes it's a small little shift that people will feel and other times it changes someone's life forever, in a way they never even knew was possible.

I have been to conferences that changed my perspective and then ultimately changed my life. I love the feeling of being alive and living in the moment. That is what Apozitude is about for me. Being right here, right now, and feeling the power of total awareness. I am aware that I can make a difference in my life by focusing on the positive. I am aware that awakening other people to this concept is my passion and that is the reason I. Am. Here!!! You are reading this blog post right now, so welcome to the launching pad of a little rocket called Apozitude. We are ready for take off.

I truly believe that in the end it all works out. I believe this dream of mine is becoming my reality and it just may start with you. If you know someone that would like to have an inspiration speaker for an upcoming event, let me know. I'd love the opportunity to speak publicly.

Attitude of gratitude

I have been sitting here trying to write about being Thankful in honor of Thanksgiving day and I have started many times and rewrote and rewrote, because it just didn't seem quite right. I wanted to write something that would reflect the things that have happened in my life over the last year or more, but I couldn't decide what should be mentioned first. I didn't want for one of the things I was thankful for to seem more appreciated by being mentioned first, but how could I list all the things I was grateful for, all at one time, so that one would not seem more important than the next.

Wait a minute,...

I just heard a little voice say, the things you appreciate don't care how you list them, they are not attached to your perception of them. Acceptance does not care if you list it after progress and love does not care if you list it after growth.

That being said, I just want to express my gratitude for all of my family and friends. I am a people person.

Happy Thanksgiving and love to all my peeps!!!

Pain to who?

Keri has been making some really amazing dinners lately. She made a delicious Griddled polenta with caramelized onions, goat cheese and honey. I had to eat that one very very slowly with my eyes closed, because it was just that yummy. Then she made a pasta dish that had an olive oil and garlic base with breadcrumbs and kale. Damn woman! You make yummy food. It feels like I'm at a fancy restaurant right at our very own dinner table. It's such a wonderful treat to come home to the love of my live making yummy food and to top it all off she has a record playing on the record player. Sa-weet!!!!

Someone told her about this website called food52. I am very grateful that she takes the time to find new recipes and yummy healthy things for us to eat. So, I try to be as helpful as possible when we go to the grocery store in search of items for the new recipes. It's kind of exciting, because I know it's going to be delicious.

One thing Keri is planning to make this next week is Sautéed Kale, Roasted Sweet Potato and Poached Egg Holiday Toast. So, we're going down the list checking things off and she says, Now I need to find this pain de mie. Neither of us knew what it was or how to pronounce it, so we were saying it, pain to me, basically. I asked Keri what it was and she said it was some kind of bread. So, we headed off in different directions. She was off to finish the list and I went to the bakery to ask if they had any this pain de mie.

The gal behind the counter, slicing up a big pan of what looked like some yummy sweet rolls, began asking me about it. Is is a holiday bread? I don't know, it's spelled p-a-i-n, d-e, m-i-e. Then she asked, is it a sweet bread? I don't know. Is it a gluten-free bread? I'm thinking, listen lady I don't know what the fuck it is. You're the baker! I am asking you!! However, as calmly as I can, I say, the only thing I know is, that it is a bread and how to spell it. She clearly had no clue and there were about 4-5 other people in the area where she was working. I kinda thought she might ask one of her co-workers, but instead she directed me to the packaged bread area, told me where the bread was in the frozen food area and where I could find the pastry department.

As I was walking away, I slipped my hands in my jacket pockets and looked briefly at the packed bread. With my hands in pockets it occurred to me that I had my phone with me. Shit! I'll just google it. Duh!

Google, what is pain de mie? Pain de mie? Oh, that's easy. Pain de mie is essentially French for a loaf of sliced bread. Oh geez!!! Really? I had to smile to myself as I began my search for Keri. I went down to the dairy department where she was just leaving and headed to the produce section. I just about got to the produce as she seemed to be leaving it. I hollered out, "Hey, Burnidge!" She stopped and spun around, I've been trying to catch up to you since the dairy isle. She said, well,...did you find the pain de mie?

I held up my phone and showed her the google results as I was saying, turns out pain de mie is French for a loaf of sliced bread. Keri's response- What?!? Well, that's douchey!!! Why didn't they just say sliced bread? That IS a pain d'me!!!!

We had a pretty good laugh!!! It's turned into a buzz phrase around our house. Hey! Quit being a pain de mie!

Note: if you are trying out some new recipes and are unsure of the ingredients, google them before you go to the store or at least before you send your loving, helpful wife to find it.

Btw, I went back to the bakery lady and showed her the google results as well, just in case some other clueless soul inquired about the curious recipe item, pain de mie, and we had a pretty good laugh as well.

I'll share another story some other time about Keri sending me to the meat department.

Off the hook

Nothing like a blast of loud music to shock the shit right out of you! It happens just about every time I put my ear buds in to write.

Oh man, I just did a focus wheel on being in alignment and being in the vortex and it brought up a lot of feelings from the past and I know I have written about this before because it feels so familiar, this awareness. It goes back to feeling responsible for other people's happiness and I love the contrast of that because the freedom I feel when I realize again that I am not responsible for anyone else but me, it is so wonderful. I love knowing that I am only responsible for my own happiness, my own alignment, my own, my own, my own.

I am so glad I raised my son, Garrison, with the teaching that, this is your life and you can live it your own way, and what he does with that teaching is his own business. My lesson is acceptance.

This IS my life and I WILL live it my own way. I will do what I want in my life, because I am the one that chose to be here. I am the one that decided to take the risk. I am the one with bugs in my teeth when I stick my head out the window and feel the zest of being alive with wind blowing in my hair and the skin on my face is vibrating because we're going so fast. I am the one that gets the rewards of living my life my way. I am responsible for my alignment, not yours, not hers, not his, not theirs, not anyone but me!! Just me and my alignment. I am blissfully happy with my responsibility to myself and my alignment.

I can dance and sing and play and swim in the warm ocean water. I can sleep peacefully in the sun, relax on a massage table and I can eat whatever I want. I can wear whatever I want. I can laugh and smile and I can be at ease and feel such a sense of relief that I am off the hook and no longer responsible for anyone else but me.

When feelings of negativity or resistance come up and alert me that I am trying to take responsibility for some one else, I will take a deep breath and pause. In that pause I will be reminded that I am only responsible for me. Other people can work their own shit out. I have my own shit to work out and I am putting in the effort to do so. I know it takes effort and focusing on the positive. I positively love my life and the wonderful opportunities I have to practice on my lessons. I can take my time and think about what I want.

In the past I have been quick to decide things because I was trying to guess what someone else might want me to decide, but now I know to stay true to myself and make decisions based on what I want. I can take my time to see how I truly feel about the decision before I speak. I give myself permission to take my time. Take my time to make the decision that feels best to me.

I am allowed to make the decision for myself that matches my desire. I am responsible for my alignment and you are responsible for yours, not anyone else's.

Do what makes you happy and let them make decisions for themselves that make them happy. Nothing I decide for myself makes anyone else truly happy anyway, so why not make myself happy? I am worthy of happiness! True happiness!!!

Enjoy the journey. Enjoy the practice. Be easy about it. Be a patient teacher with yourself. Mistakes happen. We are all out here doing our best with what we've got, reaching for better, feeling better and getting better!

Come on in, the water is fine

Once I dipped my toe in the girl water, I discovered it was kinda like walking into the ocean for two reasons: 1. it takes a little bit of time to get used to the way it makes you feel different and 2. like I said before the girl water is very vast, much like the ocean.

Once you adjust to the way you feel in the ocean, the temperature difference, the feeling of buoyancy and trusting that it is safe to swim and play, you can relax and have fun and the same goes for getting a little bit more girlie. It does make me feel different, I can't quite put my finger on it,.....wait a minute, that's not entirely true. I can put my finger on it , but it's just that I am still getting used to it. So, here it goes, I like the way I feel pretty. It feels kinda silly, to say and to be a little embarrassed about it, but I do like it. The feel of longer hair, the feel of being fit and looking cute. I'm not sure why it makes me tear up a little to realize these things about myself, but it has been a very emotional discovery.

I've been looking on Pinterest and Amazon to get ideas about what style I like and it is sometimes very exciting and sometimes very overwhelming. There are so many different ways to be girlie, it really blows my mind. I guess I just need to trust that it is safe to swim and play, so I can relax and have fun.

That's really what it's all about any way, right? YES!!!

You're the next contestant,...

I'm surprisingly finding myself feeling a slight bit of nervousness when I begin talking about Keri to someone I don't know very well. It's been a very long time since I've felt this slight uneasiness.

The feeling would crop up in my mid to late twenties when I would talk about her and wonder if someone was going to ask me if we were "more than roommates". There was a time, back in Oklahoma, when I was asked by an employer to refer to her as my boyfriend and was even asked to change her name. I referred to her as Ken, once or twice and decided I'd rather not talk about my personal life than lie about it. It was heart breaking.

The next step was moving to Portland. I can recall a time when Garrison and I were talking to one of his classmates parents and he referred to Keri as my roommate and her generous response was, In Oregon we would call Keri your moms partner. It felt so amazing to have that acceptance. I can remember doing cartwheels, back flips and jumping up and down, like I had just won on the Price is Right, it was only in my mind, but the smile on my face was very real.

I have been comfortably referring to Keri as my partner for the last 14 years. Although I can also remember in the last 14 years hearing straight couples referring to themselves as each other's partners and it kinda rubbed me the wrong way. I felt like, what the fuck? You two can get married and be each other's spouses, but because of whatever reason you don't want to get married you are imposing yourselves onto the only terminology we can use to make our relationship more committed than girlfriends. Maybe it seems kinda childish and petty, but you can fucking get married you hose head!!! If you're not married and you are a man and a woman in a committed relationship, then you are boyfriend and girlfriend, not partners!

That is my anger and frustration talking. Honestly, the true loving aspect of myself doesn't give a shit what people call themselves. I want people to be happy. I want people to be treated equal. The last sentence of the previous paragraph felt very icky and wrong, just like it's wrong for anyone to say that marriage is only for a man and a woman!

I guess the uncertainty of others opinions is why that nervous uneasiness is starting to crop up again. I have started talking about Keri in the last week since we got married and have felt a pause. My,...(breath gets stuck in my throat as my mouth begins to say partner and then I find the courage to say) wife, Keri and I,....
I am so happy and proud to be married to my wife in a state that won't yet allow it that there's not a chance in hell I'm not going to take every damn chance I get to call her my wife. It is very emotional!!! I was just about to apologize for writing about it so much, but then I decided Fuck it!!! I've wanted to marry this woman for 18 years and I've only been married one week today, so if you don't like it, then don't read it! I am in love with my wife and I want the whole world to know!!!!

I am an instrument

I have to give credit for this post to Abraham-Hicks, but it's too good not to share.

"Your thoughts change the behavior of everyone and everything who has anything to do with you. For your thoughts absolutely equal your point of attraction, and the better you feel, the more everything and everyone around you improves. In the moment that you find an improved feeling, conditions and circumstances change to match your feeling. . . .

Playing the Which Thought Feels Better? Game will help you begin to realize the power that your own thoughts have to influence everything around you."

[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="224"] Yes, I am posting this from my bubble bath. :)[/caption]

Sometimes when I think about this concept my "thinking brain" doubts that it's true, however my "knowing brain" doesn't even comprehend the concept of doubt, that's because my thinking brain is attached to the human aspect of myself and my knowing brain is attached to the spiritual aspect of myself.

Hmmm, let's see do I trust the knowing? Uh, yeah! I think I do. I mean, Yes! I do trust the knowing.

One lucky girl

I don't know how I could possibly be any more lucky in my short little life. I have an abundance of love surrounding me that I am so grateful for I can not even place words to the enormity of it.

I guess I will simply say thank you. Thank you, all of you, for loving me.

Teach or fish, you decide

It can be so hard sometimes to see that the help we are giving someone is not really providing exactly what that person needs. Yes, they may need to get somewhere to do something that is in their best interest, but making it happen and taking them there just might not be serving their highest good.

It is like the difference between providing fish or providing fishing lessons. Yes, teaching someone to fish is harder and takes longer. It can be very difficult to watch too, as someone you love struggles with baiting the hook and pulling in an empty line time after time. It is especially hard when it would be so much easier to do it yourself, BUT if we actually practice patience and stick it out, we only have to teach them to fish one time. If we loose our patience in the moment and just do it for them, we will be doubling our work load for the rest of our lives. Fishing for ourselves and fishing for them.

Then we get pissed because they are doing exactly what we taught them to do, depend on us, when really, the person we should be upset with is ourselves. I am
not saying that dependence is a bad thing. No! Not at all. I'm just suggesting maybe consider a healthy balance. You need you too, so think about saving a little of yourself for you. It will begin to feel amazing.

Puppy love, puppy respect

I am a person that keeps my word. Keri and I made an agreement with our golden retriever, Waffles, that we will always honor.

The agreement that we made with him is, that we understand he is an "only dog" and we will always keep it that way for him. He just turned 11 in July (approximately 66) and we would never want to mess with his golden years.

A couple months ago we went to the local farmers market to pick up a few things. As we walked to the market, we stumbled upon a group of people standing around a canopy tent with about 4 or 5 of the most adorable little puppies you have ever seen.

All of them, different breeds. They were so cute, we had to stop and love on them. We met a Frenchie, a Corgi, a Weinner dog and I believe there were a couple more that I don't really remember because I was busy falling in love with Nemo.

The sweetest little cuddle bunny of the group. He was the Frenchie puppy. As I was standing there chatting with the woman, morning coffee in one hand, petting Nemo with the other, the gal said, here hand me your coffee. Then she proceeded to hand Nemo over to me, as she was telling us about how snugly this guy was. Once he was in my arms, my heart just melted.

Before I knew it I was laying in the grass on my back with little Nemo sprawled out on my belly. He just camped out there like I was his momma. Sweetly nuzzling my chin and neck. Oh! What a lover that little Nemo was and I very easily could have scooped him right up and taken him home with me, but I knew that was not an option. There was no discussion what so ever between Keri and I. We knew Nemo was irresistible and he would have his forever home and we also knew we had our forever home puppy already.

That's right Waffles Bear, you are our only puppy and we love and respect you enough to keep our word. You shall have the sweetest and most relaxing of golden years a handsome devil like you deserves. Mommies love you.

Hi little leaf

On a walk last week I saw so many beautiful fall leaves. The contrast of the brilliant deep red leaves, as the sun shined down on them and lit them up like neon, against the soft blue of the sky is one of my very favorite contrasts. It reminds me that although contrast can be uncomfortable at times, without the contrast we would feel void of gratitude and oh how sweet the gratitude feels.

I fell truly madly and deeply in love with the beautiful Oregon fall in 1999. Keri, Garrison and I moved out here in August of 99 and that first fall was breath taking! I remember getting lost on my way to my first job, because I was so distracted by so many beautiful fall colors. I was so captivated by all the different leaves I would go on walks and collect leaves to send back to Oklahoma for my mom to see.



On that walk though, I stumbled across this leaf, and it reminded me of all those years I spent in Oklahoma. I tried to look it up on the internet, but it doesn't really matter what type of leave it is. What mattered is the connection that was made.

It took me back to playing in the woods with my cousins. This little leaf transported me back to a time when I would run around on the playground with my friends. I remember pretending to be Batman, Indians, a teacher, a gold medal gymnast and when I jumped out of the highest point off a swing I pretended that I could fly. I made tacos out of leaves and dirt and they were delicious. Everybody loved them.

I have to admit that life of fantasy was so fun and amazing that I haven't really ventured too far from it. I love to pretend and I am so grateful for the willingness in myself to pretend what ever the hell I want to pretend. I love feeling so good that I feel invincible. Sometimes I feel so good, I get pretty ballsy and I actually dare the Universe to fuck with me.

Sweet, sweet, contrast! Thank you Universe!!! Much respect! Peace out.

It's possible it could work for you too,...

It's hard to choose what to write about because there are so many wonderful things going on in my life right now. I know I can be nauseatingly positive sometimes and it can be a bit much for some, but I just love being happy and we all know happiness is a choice, right?

Wait a minute, did I hear someone say, NO or yeah right! That's ok, you don't have to believe it. Just ponder the idea for a moment though.

Maybe it is possible,...Maybe, just maybe if you think it might be possible the next time you get upset or frustrated you can consider changing your mind.

I mean why not? Who's it going to hurt? So, let's say you get upset about something, ok here we go,... Someone does something that you find to be disappointing, and you get frustrated. Why not just stop the vicious circle of thoughts regarding that person or situation and think about something else that makes you happy. When you think about something that makes you happy, like a baby's laughter or an adorable puppy, you can't help but smile. So you see, you can choose happiness. You are not a victim to your thoughts. You can change your mind and that is the totally awesome thing about our brains.

It sounds way too easy to work doesn't it? Just stop my thoughts? What do you mean? What's his name really disappointed me, how could he do that? Doesn't he know that I feel yadda yadda whatever? Well,...not always, in fact very rarely is someone else taking into consideration all of how you will feel about their actions. Even if they were to take your feelings into consideration, can they read your mind? Do they have your experiences? Are they going to be spot on when they do take your feelings into consideration? They have no clue all that you are exposed to in dealing with the details of your life, so even if they are kind enough to try, how could they ever accurately take your feelings into consideration?

I like to assume that everyone is doing the very best that they can given their current level of awareness. Is that true? I don't really know, but who cares! It makes me feel better and that is what I am here to do, feel better.

So you know what? I'm happy and I'm not going to apologize for that, I will say however that I have sympathy for you if you are frustrated with my happiness or my positive outlook. I have been frustrated before by someone else's clarity and happiness, but I soon realized that their clarity and happiness can only apply to them. So, I stopped being upset that they had clarity and happiness. Then I began to focus on my own. I'm only trying to have the best possible day I can. That is what I choose and because of that choice I have so many wonderful things going on in my life.

I am grateful I am aware of my choice.

Better late than never, part 3

Yes, it is true I have wanted to marry Keri since 1995. Imagine loving someone with all of your heart for 18 years and wanting, just like everyone else to get married, but you couldn't, because some stupid law reads, one man one woman. It was awful! Funny how awful is only one letter away from lawful.

Since we've been together, Keri and I have attending weddings of couples that don't even exist anymore and at one point we put a moratorium on attending weddings. We felt as long as we were not allowed to marry, we would not attend the celebration of others that could. It was hard, ya know? To see other people getting to do what we so badly wanted and couldn't have. The moratorium was an act of self-preservation, or so it felt.

It didn't last long because we got an invitation to Keri's sister's wedding and there wasn't a chance in hell I was going pass on that, just to prove a point. Keri's sister, Kirsten, said at the reception of their ceremony that she felt it wasn't fair for her and her husband to be getting married when her sister who had been together with her partner for so many years wasn't able to. I thought it was sweet of her to acknowledge our relationship.

Keri and I actually bought rings back in 97 and agreed that we wouldn't wear them until we had a ceremony. Before we could even got to the car we had already decided to say fuck it and wear our new rings, because when were we going to be able to have a ceremony.

Then in 2002 we, I should say I, started to plan a ceremony and I keep calling it a ceremony because it wouldn't have actually been a marriage, because there are still some people around that think a marriage can only be between a man and a woman. I wanted a wedding, a ceremony or whatever you want to call a party where we get together with all our closest people and publicly declare our love for one another. Keri back then agreed to do what I wanted to do but, she definitely was totally fine skipping that part all together.

Not to say at all, that she didn't love me, she is hopelessly, madly, truly and deeply in LOVE. :) In case you are reading this and don't know Keri, I have to tell you that she is the practical one. She would say and has said, why go to all the trouble and expense of it, if it isn't going to mean anything legally. She also said, I want you to be happy and if want a ceremony and you plan it, I will be there.

So, I started planning. I looked into catering, venue, music, flowers, dresses (maybe not dresses back then), but quickly realized the cost of this "ceremony" was quite a bit more than I thought and that is when we decided to buy a house.

I did make more sense to put all of that money toward something that would benefit us. She did have a very valid point. I just wanted to be married to my baby that's all and guess what! I am now happily and legally married. It is an amazing feeling!

Married ✔️

Better late than never, part 2

It was about three and a half weeks ago that Keri surprised me with the spontaneous proposal. I could not contain my happiness and overall excitement because we have been wanting to get married since 1995 and we really never thought that we would be able to in our life time. We thought that Oregon might come around in 2014 and allow same sex marriage. So, about 4 months ago we started planning a ceremony for 2015 (the year of our 20 year anniversary), so there has been a great deal of conversation on the subject lately, but to suggest that we do it now, was very exciting and honestly, after the initial excitement a little disappointing too.

Exciting, because we HAVE been wanting this for so long and were not allowed. Yes, that is what I said, Not Allowed, but now that it is legal, in selective states, we didn't want to wait a moment longer. The disappointing part was that I really wanted all the things we have been talking about over the last several months. I was torn!

I was upset and emotional. It was confusing because I was also very excited. Keri was very sweet and supportive. She offered to wait until 2015, but said just because we go up to the courthouse in Seattle, doesn't mean we won't still have the event we've been planning. She said the most important thing to her was my happiness and she didn't want me to have another wedding experience that I'd look back on and regret. She knows how important the event of a wedding is to me and despite her uncomfortable feelings regarding being the center of attention, she has agreed to step outside of her comfort zone for me. What a sweet heart she is and me, well, I have promised to hog the spotlight.

Better late than never, part 1

You know how sometimes your feelings are so overwhelmingly wonderful that all you can do is hold your hands up, shrug your shoulders and say, I have no words, while the tears are rolling down your face?

Maybe you do and maybe you don't ,... Well, let me tell you what happen to me this weekend.

I had the most wonderful and joyous experience of finally AND legally marrying the love of my life.

It. Was. Amazing!

I've been married before and neither time before did I experience the happiness, giddiness, and depth of love I felt this time. I believe with ALL my heart that this time, I got it right!

What else would I post today?

I am so excited to finally be marrying the love of my life.

As my dad would have said, "tears of joy".

Out and Damn Proud

It truly is an amazing time to be alive and to be gay. I know there are a great deal of challenges yet to face for gay, lesbian, bi and transgender people and we have a long way to go before we truly have equality for all, but I can't deny that there are so many wonderful things happening right now too.

There are positive role models in sitcoms, on day time and night time talk shows, in the Top40 songs on the radio, artists, musicians, athletes, YouTube videos, political people and really all over the place.

Keri and I watched a documentary on HBO a couple weeks ago entitled, The Out List, which was a series of interviews with public figures that are gay, lesbian, bi or trans such as Neal Patrick Harris, Suze Orman, Ru Paul and Wanda Sikes. I love Wanda!!! She is hilarious!!!

The stories shared in this documentary were very compelling, funny and some quite emotional. I definitely recommend checking it out. I felt hopeful and grateful for all the progress we have made towards more acceptance. I liked their Facebook page too. The Out List, check it out.

Then also make sure you have heard the song Same Love by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis. It's amazing to me that in my lifetime there would be such a change in awareness. I've mentioned in previous blogs that I had no idea what gay was and I was lost in a world of confusion with zero role models to identify with as a young person.

Now we have songs in the Top40 and sitcoms on prime time tv that are shedding positive light on the possibility of being GLBT. The more accepted we all feel the better chance we have of surviving. These positive messages and role models are saving and enriching the lives of GLBT people all over the world. It's amazing!!! I love it!!!

I mean who would have thought the very week my partner and I decide to make it official and plan a trip to the nearest state that has passed a law to make it legal for same sex couples to get married (Washington) that our very own home state of Oregon would begin recognizing all legal out of state marriages, including same sex marriages. That is pretty amazing to me! Oregon passing a same-sex marriage law is just around the corner and maybe someday all marriages will just be called marriages.

[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="300"] Translation: Love Conquers Hate[/caption]

Chelsea Handler wore a shirt this week that read, "Love Conquers Hate" in Russian in support of GLBT awareness on her show Chelsea Lately. See? IT IS an amazing time,...

THANK YOU to all the amazingly brave people that make awareness their passion.

What harm could love do?

It's so amazing to me how a song can totally transport me to another time. I don't know if music has this profound of an affect on every one, but I can totally connect to strong dramatic feelings from anytime in my life when I hear certain songs that really moved me. It could be very heavy if I allowed myself to get lost in those feelings from the past.

I choose to be grateful instead.

I just heard, Every Woman In The World by Air Supply from 1980. I had the Lost in Love album, and I remember playing that record over and over and over. I was completely and desperately lost in love. It felt so devastating and dramatic, because I was lost in love with the pretty little red headed girl who, at the time had a huge crush on some boy, of course. For the sake of this story we'll call the little red headed girl, Cindy and her crush, we'll call him Billy. Hey, Billy is better than jack ass.

In 1980 I was 10 years old and in the fifth grade. I have vivid memories of doing push ups in my bedroom and saying Cindy's name every time I pushed myself away from the floor. I also had a coloring book of Disney's, Sleeping Beauty. I colored the page of Sleeping Beauty and the prince kissing and wrote Cindy and Billy at the top of the page. It broke my little 10 year old heart to write his name next to hers when I finished coloring, because the whole time I was thinking of writing Cindy and Angel.

I traced that coloring book page and colored it again and again. The following times I wrote other girls names from my class with the names of the boys they liked. I know,...you probably thought I was going to say I put my name at the top with Cindy's name and I wanted to desperately, but more importantly, I wanted to give her the coloring page. So, in an effort to take the focus off of me giving this to just her, I gave one to all the girls.

They all actually liked them and taped them to the side of their desks. I just pretended that it was my name at the top of Cindy's, I did do all the coloring AND my gift to her was right there, taped to the side of her desk in front of everyone to see. The only thing wrong was, it wasn't my name that everyone saw next hers.

I am so grateful for this glorious time of my life when I can draw into the sand on the beach a huge heart with 3 foot letters, shouting to the world ANGEL LOVES KERI!!!! It fills my eyes with tears and floods my heart with love.

Do you hear that Cindy? ANGEL LOVES KERI!!!!

Don't get me wrong. I am not begrudging Cindy, although that last comment did kinda sound like I am. I know my unrequited love had nothing to do with her. It's not you (Cindy), it's me, well it was anyway. I did do everything in my power to keep those feelings pressed WAY down and hidden. It probably didn't work, but I kept myself pretty well fooled for quite a long time and that is exactly why I choose to be grateful when I hear those heart wrenching songs.

I've come along way down this road of learning to accept myself and allowing myself the freedom to express my feelings of love towards women. It feels so good to let love flow.

One and done!

I should not have to hold my breath to spare myself from your excessive use of perfume. I find the overuse of perfume and cologne to be quite offensive. In fact one of my friends said it best when she posted this comment on Facebook, "It's called a fragrance, not a flavor." Thank you Laura, I couldn't agree more.

Keri and I threaten all the time that we are going to get t-shirts made up that have an image of a traditional perfume bottle on them with the words, One and Done, printed on them.

C'mon people!!! Be sensitive to the nostrils of others.

Flash dance? Really?

I really can not put into words how lucky and happy I am to have all the wonderful people that I have in my life. I must have done something really special somewhere along the line, because I certainly am reaping the benefits.

I have so much love coming at me from so many directions. It feels like a flood of love that just keeps washing over me. I am certain I have it in me to give it all back too, because I am connected to an endless supply of love. All I have to do is keep myself open to positivity and I KNOW the love will just keep on coming to me and I will allow it to flow through me and out to all the wonderful people that surround me.

I know there are people in the world that feel like love is out of reach, but I'm pretty sure it's because their hands are busy holding on to grudges, worry, fear, doubt, pain, burdens, anger and a bunch of other things that just DO NOT FEEL GOOD!

I know that people have their eyes blurred by resentment, injustice, hatred and a bunch of other things that keep their eyes closed to love. To those people I ask, I plead, WHY?

Why do you want to feel so bad? Just let it go,...



IT. FEELS. SO. GOOD to just release all the sadness, all the frustration and all the negative. Just lean yourself back, tilt your head back, open your arms, lift your chest towards the sky with your heart open wide, open your mind and let ALL the good stuff splash down on you like the girl in Flash Dance when the water crashes down on her. Get yourself soaked to the bone in all the positivity and love that there is around you.

It's pretty fuckin' awesome is all I have to say,...

Thank you. Each and every one of you for the positive contributions you have made to my life. I love you right back.

Just in case you're wondering,... It's life. I'm high on life and you can be too.

Makes my heart sing

I love having conversations with people and making connections. I love being open to hear whatever someone has to share. I feel this openness in myself provides a sense of ease that allows people to feel very comfortable with me and share things they might not share with anyone else.

I love listening and providing space for people to be whatever it is they need to be. This openness has placed me in a very special position of hearing some very difficult challenges people have experienced in their lives. I feel it is special because they have a sense of trust in me and find themselves sharing things that are scary, hurtful, private and vulnerable. I have no judgement when I am listening. I am just listening and accepting. I love the feeling of relief people experience when they are comfortable enough to share a snap shot of their life and have a loving smile returned to them. The love and acceptance they feel causes them to glow.

I don't have to know all the details of their lives, but when people share these kinds of things with me, I feel I know enough to feel privileged to know them. Sometimes these little episodes of sharing and allowing provide a shift in awareness. Sometimes that little shift can change someone's life.

Feelings of gratitude develop. Witnessing that shift always gives me cold chills all up and down my arms and legs, sometimes even in my face. It's an amazing feeling.

I am so happy to know that even though people experience some heavy challenges that they are open to allowing other people in and sharing what they need to be. People are loving each other and seeing each other with clearer eyes.

It makes my heart sing to see such love.