Bacon makes it better????

A couple weekends ago I ordered a salad for lunch with a vegan patty burger and a gluten free bun and strangely enough the vegan burger I ordered came with gorgonzola and bacon. Yes, cheese and bacon, two of my weaknesses. I know I could have requested the bacon and cheese be removed, but like I said before, it a weakness. It's a salty thing. After I ate that yummy deliciousness I walked home in complete and utter pain. My stomach was hurting so bad and I really wanted to remember that feeling. So, I chanted to myself the whole walk home, "This is how you feel when you eat bacon"

It kinda feels like I have a bunch of hard lessons ahead of me. I am trying to eat healthier and am doing a pretty good job, but there is a fair bit of reprogramming to do. I am retraining my brain. You might think that I would consider the items that have given me a stomach ache and cross reference them across the food scale. Like, ok, ice cream gave me a stomach ache last week, hmmm, maybe I shouldn't eat cheese cake. But I really like cheese cake and what if it doesn't have the same affect?

ANGEL!!!! What??? Is a piece of cheese cake worth a 12 hour stomach ache? Not today. That's all I can do, is take it day by day. Some days it's even a meal by meal decision. Just because I decide to eat something bad at lunch does not mean I have to throw the rest of the day in the trash. Making one mistake isn't made better by making another, what the hell, I already screwed up, mistake.

Acceptance of our imperfections and flaws empowers us to be stronger and make better choices! It is totally ok to slip, just remember to real it back in.

My cup is overflowing

There are so many amazing people in the world and in my life. I sometimes feel there simply is not near enough time to spend quality time with all the wonderfully amazing people I have the joy of encountering.

I have been told that there is plenty of time and that there are no mistakes, so I am left to believe that the people I am able to spend quality time with are the energies that are perfectly and divinely guided to me. I am so very grateful and my heart is incapable of containing the joy these wonderful people bring to my life.

Ice cream joined the ranks,...

I thought it might be interesting to share my most recent reaction to food. As readers of this blog, you are probably already aware of the clean eating journey my wife and I have embarked upon. On this journey we have found relief from pain caused by swelling and inflammation in the joints and spine. We have found ourselves feeling lighter and by that, I mean the cleaner foods don't cause a reaction in the belly of being bloated and painfully gassy. You know the feeling I am talking about, a painful belly ache that makes you want to take some sort of antacid type medication or possibly poke your belly with a crochet needle just to feel a bit of relief.

Well, you might remember that I learned recently that doughy white flour pizza, french fries and fried corn chips are not my friend and this weekend I discovered that ice cream has joined the ranks of unfriendly foods to Angel's belly. It's a shame too because I LOVE ice cream, but you know what I don't love,... 12 hours of bloated belly accompanied with sharp pains. It comes on pretty quick too. I was kinda surprised how quickly my tummy went, BOOF! and bloated out like I had some how swallowed a balloon. It was not comfortable at all.

So, the next time someone asks me if I want ice cream, I will stop and ask myself, Are you really asking me if I want ice cream or are you asking me if I want a 12 hour stomach ache? I will scratch my chin and ponder how much I like ice cream and then ask myself, Is the short pleasure of tasty ice cream really worth the cost? That will be an easy way to say NO to ice cream because really I will be saying no to a stomach ache. There now ice cream doesn't have to get his feelings hurt. I love you ice cream. It's not you it's me. I know that sounds cliché, but in this particular case it's true. This is going to work. I am excited to have this coping skill at the ready for the next ice cream offer.

Before I sign off I have to mention that Keri had a similar reaction and we were both really suffering and managed to keep each other safe from the results of a bloated gassy tummies, if you know what I mean,... BUT (HA) when we walked into the grocery store the next morning Keri saw at the sample table they were featuring fondu. She tilted her head curiously toward me as we were walking by and asked, Fondu? I simply sighed and shook my head no and she quickly came back with, Fondon't!!! We had a good laugh and I replied, Oh that is definitely going in the blog!!!

The gift of peace

I had a VERY cool experience the other day. There had been a bit of a stress in the morning at work, but we made it to lunch time and I intended to do a little meditation for myself and asked my friend and co-worker if she'd like to join me. She was totally open to it. So, I offered to do a guided meditation.

She sat with me and I opened myself up to divine guidance, as I have never led a guided meditation before. I had no idea what I was going to say, but I kinda thought how difficult could this be? I have listened to guided meditation many times before, so I gave it a whirl.

We sat on the floor legs crossed, facing each other and we began with focusing on breathing. I guided her to become aware of a place in her body that she could feel stress and asked her to take a deep breath. I instructed her to attach her breath to the stress she felt in her body and when she released that breath the stress was going to leave her body with the breath. I actually watched as she took a deep breath in and I watched her release that breath and observed her shoulders lower. I was observing the burden of stress melting away. It was really cool.

I have to admit it was not the best or smoothest meditation ever, but it was my very first time, so I have to give myself credit for trying and actually assisting my friend in achieving a sense of peace. Afterwards, she actually said, Ok, I think I'm ready for round two.

I would definitely do this again.

Be Well, Produce Lady.

Really? Really produce lady? You're going to stand there spouting off to some customer about your thoughts on murder while handing my future food. I'll thank you kindly to stop putting your negative energy into my sensitive unsuspecting produce.

I do not understand why some people want to dwell on things that make them feel awful. Why? Why? WHY do you want to stand around talking about murder or watch videos of children or animals being abused? That does not make any sense to me. It does not make me feel good and I do not understand this line of thinking or living at all. Although if you asked Keri she might say I was not truth telling. She claims, if I were left alone, she'd come home to find me watching some sad documentary about starving children in Africa.

Well, most of those documentaries show growth and positive change. Or at least provide an opportunity for someone to do something to make a positive change in someones life. I think those stories provide an opportunity for hope.

Maybe there's hope that the produce lady wasn't really spouting off a bunch of negativity. Maybe she was pleading a case for someone that that didn't murder someone. All I know is I know is I heard her say murder, twice. It just kinda shocked me. You are forgiven produce lady. Be well.

I have my receipt

I went on a walk this weekend with my puppy, Waffles. He's my 11 year old golden retriever puppy. He is a very and sweet mellow boy in most situations, until the prospect of food is introduced. This particular walk was a treatless walk, so he was pretty chill.

The thing I noticed on this walk is that I was pretty chill too, maybe because I meditated several times today and wrote a blog about meditation. I have listened to several hours of tibetan monks chanting, it is such a nice escape from the hustle and bustle of the every day american life style. I love it!!!!

On our walk, as Waffles and I were waiting for the cross walk signal to change I kinda slipped into a mediative state for about 30 seconds. The reason I became aware of this stillness within me is because, as I was standing there not really thinking about anything and holding a distant stare, a bus came driving by and as the focus of my stare did not really change I became aware that I could see a reflection of myself in the windows of the bus as it drove by. Usually, I would have been focusing on the people inside the bus and reflecting on times that I rode the bus, but instead today I stood there and looked at myself. It was an interesting moment of reflection.

The cross walk signal changed and we crossed the street. I was still thinking about seeing an image of myself when I saw another image of myself. The headlights of a car coming towards me from behind cast a shadow of my body, shoulders up on an orange reflective street sign. I saw the shape of my head and the little curls of my hair that are getting long enough to be seen in a shadow. I wanted to try and recapture the moment. I paused and looked back. The car had already passed and a quick thought shot through my mind, Some moments are meant to be experienced and not captured, that is a Keri quote right there, so I let it go.

I continued on my way home and felt the wind blowing my hair. I thought to myself, wow my hair is long enough to blow around in the wind. I already knew this because I had experienced the frustration of it a few days ago as I walked from my car to my office, but today,... I enjoyed it.


Meditation today served as a receipt. I had my receipt for my frustrating experience and I exchanged it for an enjoyable one. Nice.

The star people speak

I am really very open to spiritual guidance. I believe that there is a whole lot more that we don't understand than what we can wrap our little human brains around and I am open to being able to get messages from anything that is pure positive energy. I believe in communication with spirits, animals and beings over space and time. I believe in energy.

I believe in reincarnation as well. Keri and I once met a lady named Diana that had been to Brazil to meet John of God. In Diana's meeting with John of God, she believes she was given the gift of being able to speak with the star people (I've not met the star people, nor have I heard of them anywhere else before or since, but as I said before I believe there is far more that we do not know about than what we do know).

When we were visiting with Diana towards the end of our visit she asked me for permission to enter my realm of energy. I allowed it and she held out one hand towards me, all fingers in a relaxed openness pointing towards me. Her thumb was pointing up towards the ceiling and her whole fore arm was kinda of doing a little shimmy back and forth. Her other hand hand was up in the air above her head as if she were some kind of antenna or conduit of energy from me to some outer realm. She began to sing a song of words that I did understand and I am assuming when she spoke words that I did not understand that she was communicating with the star people right there in our presence. She told me this was my third lifetime with Keri. The first time we were together, was during a time of survival, like cave man days, the next time we were together was during pioneer times. I was a farmer and Keri was my wife. We had children. This time is our 3rd time together.

No money was exchanged and we did not go to meet Diana for any type of reading or counsel. We went to her home in Banks Oregon because we were interested at the time in buying a house a little further out of town with a little bit of property. We saw a flyer on the New Season's bulletin board, so we went. It was a very interesting meeting. We liked the property, but it wasn't in our price range.

I believe life have challenges and during these challenging times we learn a great deal. I also believe we can chose happiness. I'd much rather be happy and I will search far and wide, delve deep into a practice of something new to achieve the next level of happiness. I just want to feel happy and be happy. I think it is SUPER FUCKIN' cool that Keri and I have been together before. Whether it is true or not, I have no idea or proof, but there was absolutely no reason for Diana to make it up. It would not benefit her at all to fabricate such a story, so I just choose to believe it. It adds character to our relationship and it's fun to think about being that into each other that we would find each other three times and then choose to be together.

You deserve a moment of peace

When you practice well-being through meditation you learn how to create your own well being. You are the source of out pouring of love that is being sent out into the world. You have the power to take a deep breath or maybe two or three to create inner poise and calmly guide yourself to a place of peace and tranquility. You can meditate, even if only for a moment. You could have two or three single moments and build upon that to create a good foundation of peace. You have the power. You know how to do it. Start with one deep breath,… After that if you have time for two go ahead and take two.

If you don't know how to do it, start with this: Find a moment in which you can choose to press the pause button on your life. I did it the other day when I was getting ready to put on my shoes. I was sitting on the bottom step of our stairs in the entry way of our house. This is where I usually sit to put on my shoes and I thought I wish I had time to meditate this morning and that is when I heard the subtle little whisper say, Take a moment now.

So, I reached for my phone and I set a timer for two minutes. I closed my eyes and placed my trust in my handy device, without making any extra effort to breathe deeply, I sat there on that bottom step, eyes closed and placed my focus on my breath. My mind did drift a few times, wondering how much time had passed, but my inner calm reminded me that I was simply taking 2 minutes to create more peace within myself and the timer on my phone had never let me down before, so let all your thoughts melt away. These are your two minutes of purposely created peaceful bliss.

It is amazing to me how two minutes of peace feels. If you have never tried meditation, I strongly encourage you to try, not only just for the sense of peace it can immediately provide, but also for the myriad of other health benefits available. So, simple and all right there within your very own brain. The proverbial "they" were not kidding when they said the brain is a very powerful tool. Clink on this link and give it a try.

Mindful choices

You may or may not believe this, but what I am about to tell you is an honest account of my experience. Since we started juicing and eating cleaner I have noticed the few times I've slipped into eating something not so clean, such as fried tortilla chips, cheddar covered french fries and pizza, that those not so clean foods really have a strong affect on my body. My taste buds don't really like for me to acknowledge these things, but the whole fuckin' rest of my body is doing back flips and cart wheels.

Here's the thing, when I eat clean (meaning fresh, no preservatives and unprocessed) foods I feel so. much. better. What do I mean by better? I'll tell you exactly what I mean by better. I have more energy. My body is more flexible. I feel lighter. My thought processes are clearer. I feel younger. My body feels tighter, I love the way my body feels tighter. You may be asking yourself how can eating these, "so-called" cleaner foods have that big of an affect on your body? It's actually noticeable? Really? To that my friend I say, YES! YES, it is noticeable.

When I take in foods that are simple like a fresh salads, fresh juices, vegetable soups, and nut or bean based patties/burgers my body has less work to do to process those foods and get the nutrients and vitamins it needs to function. When I eat fried foods or processed foods, rich with preservatives and indigestibles it takes more energy for my body to process those foods and though my body is working harder it is finding less nutrients and vitamins available in those processed foods. In fact, not only is my body working harder to come up with less, it is also having to try and figure out what to do with all those preservatives and indigestibles, causing pain, swelling, and rashes.

If this were your fine driving automobile would you fill the tank with poor dirty fuel? Your nice looking sexy vehicle would sputter and painfully chug along with less than optimal preforming results. I can already hear you saying it, NO way!!! How many cars will you have in your life time? Me? I'm only 44 and I've already had 6! 6 cars and I can buy more cars. How many bodies have I had? ONLY ONE!

Guess what kind of fuel I will be opting to use for this ONE body that I have been so graciously given. I'm not saying that I am perfect and I will ALWAYS choose the best options available, but I can guarantee I will be making mindful choices for sure.

Almighty Banana Head

Well, nobody asked me, but here's my opinion. I think relationships are very important. I'm not just talking about our relationships with our spouses/significant others/partners/boy/girl friends. I'm talking about our relationships with ourselves, our relationships with whatever we choose to call our higher power. Personally, I'm cool with Universal Source, Ultimate Creative Source, the Divine, God, or Buddha and probably other names too that I just haven't heard yet.

I believe that the human/spirit relationship can be described or visualized like a wagon wheel. The human race is the outer wheel and all the little wooden spokes are different religions and/or beliefs and all those different spokes lead to the center or the HUB. The spokes lead to one entity and that entity doesn't really give a shit what you call it or how you get to it. That entity is way bigger than us and isn't really hung up on words or names. That single entity really only cares about feelings. Our feelings of happiness and our feelings of love. You could call that hub entity Banana Head and Banana Head would just give you a loving smile.

If you have children or animals that you refer to as your children, you know what I mean. You don't care if your kids call you mommy or Barbara Sue, do you? No! You just love them. You don't care if your puppy doesn't say your name at all. You just love him. I'd like to purpose a thought here. Consider how much you love your children or your animals or your parents or any being that is very dear to you and consider how limited we are as human in comparison to THE divine entity. Think for a moment and see if you can come up with something that your child or loved one could do that would stop you from loving them. You love them so much you would forgive anything they did or said, right? Can you imagine not allowing them into your house because they did or said something that was considered a sin? Do you think an entity such as God or Universal Source would have more limited feelings than a human?

I believe that we are all children of one spiritual entity and I do not believe for a single second that I would turn Garrison away and not let him into my house because of a bad choice he made. I will always love him and I believe that the one spiritual entity has a much greater capacity for love and forgiveness than silly little ole me. I don't judge others for beliefs that differ from mine, but I do hope that whatever anyone else believes that they have peace and love within them to live happy lives.

My belief is that we all be reunited at one point or another and that it is in a realm of consciousness that is beyond anything that our human selves are even able to comprehend. I am here to love, live, grow and have a blast. I believe that is why we are here.

Happy Valentine's Day

This is my very first Valentine's day, no not ever, I am 44 years old you know. However, it is my very first Valentine's day to be married to the love of my life, whom I now have the delightful pleasure of referring to as my wife. I don't think I will ever get tired of it.

I know that I have made kinda a big deal about it over the last 4 months, since we have been married, but you know what? It IS a big deal!!! Just try and love someone with all your heart and work on your relationship to be the best you can be for each other and have the government tell you, Nope! Your love for each other mars the idea "we" hold of marriage, so we deny you the right to be married like we the superior straight people and always for the sake of the children. Riiiight? BULL SHIT!!!! Is my love and level of commitment to Keri less than Joe's love is for Jane? I don't think so. I love keri with every fiber of my being and there is nothing I want more than to happily live out the rest of my days as her wife.

So, please do not read more into this than what it is, although I realize I have no control over how anyone perceives this, but I am not putting all straight people in one category. K? That would be pretty stereotypical and judgey of me. All I am doing is speaking passionatley about my feelings and I am SUPER grateful I live in an area of the counrty that is so open minded.

Even still, we had to go out of state to get married in a state that was kind enough to acknowledge that we deserved the same rights as any other couple that wanted to be married. We were married before it was even legally acknowledged in our own home state and that feels pretty fuckin' awesome. It feels like making history.

Thank you so much to all of the people out there that are straight allies in support of equality. Words can not even express the feelings of gratitude I feel for the love and acceptance I have experienced and have continued to feel as we make our way through the world today as wife and wife.

Happy Valentine's day to all shapes and sizes of love that are around the world. Love is love, right? That's what I believe anyway.

Did you know that I can be a bitch?

Have you ever found yourself resenting someone for the way they "made" you feel? I know the feeling. It kinda feels like, I can NOT believe you just said or did what you just said or did. Don't you know that when you say or do that, it hurts my feelings?

Well, guess what! When we do that we are giving others way too much power as we focus our attention on the way others choose to behave. We have ABSOLUTELY no control over the way others act/react or speak. What we do have control over is our own minds. Our own behavior. Our own words. I suggest slowing your breathing down and focus on breathing from your belly.

I am learning that I tend to shut down when I get in a situation of conflict. My heart starts racing and my blood flows quickly to my heart hindering words to form in my brain. I have been practicing this belly breathing when presented with a situation of conflict and have found that paying attention to my breath keeps my heart rate down and oxygen flowing to my brain. Oxygen in my brain helps me to clearly articulate my feelings. Yes, even feelings that could possible create conflict.

I have for YEARS been paralyzed in situations of conflict and I have gone to great lengths to avoid conflict because I have hated that feeling of not knowing what to say and not knowing how I felt. I have unconsciously shrugged my shoulders in doubt of knowing how I truly felt. This insecure doubt has created resentment and that resentment turns a passive people-pleasing person, such as myself, into an aggressive angry bitch. I do not like that reaction at all. It goes against everything I believe in.

I believe in clarity. I believe in communication. I believe in being fair. I believe in love and mutual respect. I believe in peace. An aggressive angry bitch, which most of you have never seen in me, goes against all of those beliefs.

I am very grateful to be learning methods for getting beyond feelings of insecurity. I am grateful to be leaving the end of the spectrum that is weighed heavy with passivity. Grateful to be moving towards assertiveness, rather than jumping right over it into aggression.

I am taking responsibility for my happiness and my sense of feeling fulfilled. I am a confident grown woman that can calmly use her words to get her needs met. I am happy to be open to growth. I am eager to go where ever I need to go emotionally, no matter how uncomfortable it may be, to continue on this path of growth and happiness. I believe it is much less scary that I ever thought it would be.

Happy to me and happy to be moving beyond feelings of resentment.

No, not proud moments,...

As a woman that has experienced pregnancy and childbirth, I have to say the very best time to sneeze is when I'm already sitting on the toilet. This happened to me the very first time in my life just a couple nights ago. So, yes, all the other times I've sneezed, I piddled a bit in my undies. Not proud moments in my life, just moments in my life.

All you moms out there, you know what I'm talking about. The other thing I discovered is that my trampoline days are days of the past. Nuff said.

Van Halen ROCKS!!!

I had the distinct and utter pleasure of working as a team with my wife this weekend to get our upstairs area packed up and ready for the new carpet to be laid that is scheduled for install in a couple weeks. You may find it surprising that I refer to such a task with reference of pleasure of any kind, much less distinct and utter pleasure. Believe me, I was of a similar mind-set prior to beginning the arduous task of packing as if we were moving.

However, it was such a joy to 1) work as a team with my wife. We are disgustingly sweet to each other and work together like a well oiled machine. Our creative energies thrive off of each other, making any task we approach much more stream lined and easier than we ever thought it would be. 2) Get rid of some much unwanted, unused, collecting a bunch of dust, crap. We created a shit ton of space to collect a bunch more crap. :) Just kidding. We already discussed a more mindful approach to living and purchasing. I'm very excited about our clean living, regarding food, purchasing and communication. 3) Stumble upon some letters from our middle school days. OMG!!!! Talk about the gold at the end of the rainbow,... We laughed our asses off at the sheer drama and subject hopping that was laced in those "notes". We were both laughing to the point of tears. What an awesome reward!!!

It got us thinking though, what will the youth of today have to look back upon. Texts are probably laden with similar drama and insecurity, but how will they ever reflect upon those shared ideas between their best friends and boyfriends/girlfriends? Texts are deleted and lost forever. I love the middle schoolers handwriting and line of thought. "hi. how are you? this class sucks! I am so bored and this won't be a long note because you already told me my notes are boring, but I can not stop thinking about you. I am wondering why you are pissed at me. You didn't even talk to me at break. You just walked by like you didn't even see me. Please don't do that to me. If you don't want to be my friend just tell me. I'll call you tonight. Mr. Smith is such a dork. I hate this class. Gotta go! Bye! Van Halen Rocks!!! Pink Floyd!!! Jimi Hendrix JAMS!! LED ZEPPLIN!!! LYLAS, (insert name of best friend at the moment here). PS Johnny asked me for your number so he could give it David. PSS Please stay my best friend or tell me NOW!!!!! I'll write more later. Call me!"

OMG!!! Absolute hilarity!!! I was on my back with tears rolling down into my ears! So you can see how this task of cleaning and packing was so rewarding. We got all that shit done, took a couple car loads of shit to recycle, donate and dumpster. PLUS were rewarded with bursts of laughter at our younger very insecure selves. Distinct and utter pleasure.

Cigarette flavored slurpy?

This past week end my wife and I got snowed in. We were in our house together for 3.5 days. Luckily, we had plenty of food and of course just enough beer. We did actually end up walking to the grocery store on Sunday to pick up a few essentials which included a couple 22oz bottles of beer. We invited our friend and neighbor, Teresa, to join us. Her response via text was, Hell-yeah, lemme get changed.

So, we bundled up and headed down to the closest pub. The temperature got up to 32, so it really was not that cold of a walk. In fact I discovered that with my 2 pairs of socks, leggings, sweat pants, long sleeved thermal shirt under a tee shirt with hoodie and coat, oh and scarf and ball cap was a smidgen overboard. How did I know this? Once we arrived at the pub I was sitting there with Keri and Teresa trying to decide what to eat and I was completely distracted by the sweat that was collecting in the small of my back and more concerning in my armpits, creating a charming little armpit accent, always a girls favorite. I commented on how hot I was and the girls suggested I step outside to cool off.

Brilliant!!! I stepped out the back door where I knew I would find the back parking lot lined on one side with trees and a nice little creek. I stood there on the back door step listening to the snow melting, little droplets of water dripping from the thawing tree branches. I listened to the water of the little creek whirling by behind the trees. As I felt my breath leaving my body, I watched the warmth of my breath hit the cold air and form those clouds we all loved to create as children pretending to be dragons. I wondered if steam was coming off my body as I stood there cooling off, I listened to the little birds chirping not too far away. The cars on the street from the front of the building were sluggishly driving by in the slowly melting snow, turning the streets from beautiful white pristine sheets of ice into the ugliest slurpy you ever did see. It looked like a cigarette flavored slurpy. YUCK!

Other than the cigarette flavored slurpy that was lining all the streets, this moment in the cold air was the perfect setting for a quite moment of perfection. It created exactly what I had hoped, just enough cold air to knock my body temp down a peg or two. I took in one last cold breath deep into my lungs and turned towards to the door to rejoin my wife and friend for a nice cold beer and yummy sammy.

The companionship and yummy food was a delightful distraction from the last 72 plus, snow filled, hours.

Oops!

I sure do love writing this blog, but the scheduling part can be super frustrating to me. Maybe it's a lesson in accepting that I am not perfect. This post will only go to my subscribers, as I accidentally back dated one of my blogs tonight. Almighty Babana Head will repost again on Friday. :) Thank you for continuing to follow.

Two Crazy Girls

It was dark and muggy. It was 3am!!! We got up that early because, though it was muggy, much later in the day the heat would have been too thick to even walk through. Oklahoma heat is dangerous. I'm not even kidding, people die in Oklahoma because of the extreme high temperatures. Here we are, two crazy girls, out on our morning run, it was only 73degrees at 3am, but the humidity was like 5000%. It felt good though, to get out there and run, pushing our limits, working up a sweat and getting fit.

We had a few incidents on those dark hot mornings. One time we were running in our neighborhood and we saw someone headed in our direction on a bicycle. We were a little freaked out because it wasn't just another health nut out on an early bike ride. He was a little creepy at first. He had a boom box attached to the handlebars of his little BMX bike. Did I mention he was a grown man? He was wearing coveralls and was biking kinda slowly and meandering a bit with his boom box playing. Keri and I exchanged a look and decided to just kept running and he past us like nothing. We saw him several times and he became less creepy to us, but another time we saw a dark figure crossing someone's yard wearing white gloves at 3o'clock in the morning and that REALLY freaked us out. We stopped in our tracks and I don't remember if we said anything to each other or just exchanged a look that conveyed the idea that we should run as fast as we could back to the house, but that is exactly what we did. We did a quick about face and made a bee line in for the house. That was the fastest run we clocked that summer.

[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="300"] I am stuck on band aid, cause band aid's stuck on me.[/caption]

On yet another run and neither of us remember how this happened, but we were on our last couple of turns and headed home when Keri tripped and fell. It was as if we were in a movie that was being edited and the person viewing this clip of the movie put us on super slow motion. She was falling to the ground and thinking how can i make this better and I was reacting and trying to help her in a way that I was totally clueless to, because I ended up not being able to help at all, but Keri actually did manage to direct herself towards the grass. We we running on the street next to the curb and she landed half way in the grass and half way in the street as if the curb were dividing her in half down the middle. So her right hand and right knee got pretty banged up.

I can't remember if she was crying or not, probably not, but I went to her sitting in the grass of one our neighbors (yes, it was about 3:30 in the morning) and I was evaluating her injuries. She had gravel in the heel of her hand and dirt and grit in her knee. The first words of comfort I was able to muster were, "Ya know, we're going to have to clean that". She looked up at me and clear as day, her eyes were audibly speaking the words, Are you fuckin' kidding me?

It didn't take long for me to realize those were just about the worst words I could have chosen to comfort her. How comforting is that? I realize you just fell and are still on the ground in quite a bit of pain so, just to be clear on where we are, you know we're going to have to clean that. Geez, Angel!!! Why don't you carry little alcohol packets with you and clean it before the first drop of blood begins to puddle? We walked back to the house and if my memory serves me correctly I'm pretty sure we did not clean those wounds right away. We probably ran cool water over it, but taking the q-tips to it with peroxide was out of the question. If you don't know Keri, you might not be clear on how things operate once she'd set her mind to an idea. I just thought of a new nick name for her Stubburnidge.

To this day when either of us gets a cut or gets injured, we say, "Ya' know, we're going to have to clean that." We have a pretty good little laugh about it, but only because we both have grown and can laugh at our previous less wise selves.

What gets your ass out of bed?

We were dedicated to it too. We ran in the snow, we ran on Christmas Day and in the summer when it was HOT, in Oklahoma, we would get up at 3 in the morning to beat the heat. We'd run and then come back home, do a shit ton of crunches (I mean like 300, no kidding) and then shower and go back to bed until time to get up for work. We also had a Jane Fonda period (not my fave).

We have continued to evolve and change our eating habits and work out habits. The trick is figuring out how to keep yourself motivated. I have been pretty successful with this game I play with my self, by asking myself a question in the morning that I can say yes to, because if I ask myself, Do you wanna get up and work out, the answer is always going to be NO. Saying NO results in rolling over to hit the snooze button. Who wants to get up an hour earlier than usual and work out? Few people can honestly answer that question with a yes, but how about, Do you wanna fit in your skinny jeans? I say yes to that every fuckin' time. I love the way I feel in my skinny jeans. I feel like walking around and saying look at my butt. The confidence that evokes is what gets my ass out of bed. I still have to play games with myself. It seems like it would get easier and I guess actually it has. We are in the habit of getting up, but we still have our challenges.

We also have an agreement that we don't ask each other if we wanna work out in the morning after the alarm goes off. We say whatever we want in our minds and we get up and put on the work out clothes. It helps a ton to have a work out buddy to help yourself be accountable.

I also think about my work outs and my healthy choices as making investments in my grandma self. The healthier I am today the healthier I will be when my grand kids show up and it feels so good to feel fit.

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels and flavor fades quickly. Being fit lasts ALL DAY LONG.

Lab work? No thank you.

I worked briefly in a dental lab fabricating the metal framework for partials. I had no training what so ever and they knew that when they hired me. I did have dental assisting experience, but that is WAY different than sitting at a work bench using instruments, wax and alcohol torches to create a cast for metal framework. So, I decided when I started I was going to be open to all criticisms of my creations because I had never in my life worked with these materials and tools before. Guess what! Being open to that criticism actually helped me become a better technician. It was critical that it be done correctly because it was being fabricated to fit inside someone's mouth. Can you imagine how uncomfortable it would be if it was too thick or in the slightest of wrong places.

I believe being open to the critical opinion of my co-worker and instructor is what created the amazing technician in myself. It was not only my opinion that I was an amazing technician, my boss was pretty surprised at how fast I picked up the fine skills of fabricating the framework. In a eight month period I was able to accurately wax up as many cases in a day as my two co-workers that had been doing it for years. I couldn't hang with it though. It was very isolated and lonely for me. Sitting at a work bench plugged into what ever music I had at the time, waxing up partials ALL DAY long, it got to be depressing for me. I need contact with people, so I decided to leave. My boss offered me a manager position on the night shift that would pay more, but I would still be sitting at a bench waxing up partials and then not even getting to see my baby. It wasn't worth it to me and just because you are able to do something well, does not mean that is what you are supposed to do.

You gotta go with what brings you pleasure. Go for it!!! Reach out and grab it!!! I am!!!!

Canine Rights Campaign

How would you feel in the presence of a dog that was pulling against his leash, barking and lunging? Clearly out of control by his owner? Only held back from attacking you by the brute strength of his owner?

Some people would say, well it depends on the size of the dog. I call bull shit on that crap!!! I'm not saying you should fear a little Pomeranian. What I am saying is that it is bull shit that small dogs are allowed to get away with this aggressive behavior and it's simply past off as a Napoleon complex. People say things like, Look at that little dog. He's so cute putting on his big dog attitude.

If a medium or large dog were behaving in that manner the owner would be getting all sorts of sideways looks. Discrimination of any kind is NOT COOL, all dogs deserve proper training. They actually prefer it, it gives them a sense of routine and a sense of security. Proper training teaches them where and how they fit into our world and provides a sense of clarity for them. They know what is expected of them and they get an opportunity to feel success and fulfillment. They like to make their mommies and daddies happy.

Everyone deserves to live a life of fulfillment.

Lucid Dream

Wow!!! You wanna talk about a 180? I've got one for you. About three weeks ago I had a very very emotional day. I even wrote about it briefly in my, To cleanse or not to cleanse, blog. I wrote about an emotional breaking point on the 7th day of our cleanse where I cried for several hours. I never did clarify in that blog what all that crying was about. You wanna know? Alright, I'll tell you. All that crying was related to the lack of communication that had been occurring between my son and I. I was feeling a sense of grief, as if I had lost him. It kinda felt like I did. There was just about zero communication and it seemed like he had vanished into the great abyss. Through my tear induced blurred vision, I sent him a text that day telling him I loved him very much and really missed him. I hoped he would always know that I would always love him. Shortly after that, via text, he gave me the best momma ever award accompanied with a drum roll. Yes, it made me cry some more. Tears of joy, my dad would always say. Every time I say, tears of joy, I hear my dads voice in my mind.

After he sent me the best momma ever award, we actually managed to get in contact with each other. We had a wonderful conversation and he was on his way to get his hair cut. He asked me if I wanted to talk to his girlfriend while he was getting his hair cut. I was over joyed. Of course!!! I'd love to talk to your girlfriend. We hit it off right away. She is a real sweet heart. I've already nick named her Sunshine Girl.

The communication has continued and he has been texting me and calling me. I've had a few text conversations with Sunshine Girl too and the contact has been so refreshing. I just got off the phone with Garrison a few minutes ago and we had an amazing conversation. He called and I missed his call, so I sent him a text, "Sorry I missed you. Just wanting to chat?" His response was shocking, "I'm running into some resistance & wanted to talk to you about it". Wow! kid are you trying to blow your mommas mind? Cuz you just did!!! We talked about 25 minutes and he told me about his frustrations with school and a situation with his girlfriend that by the time we were able to connect and talk about it, he had pretty much worked through most of it by himself with the some help from his girlfriend. I could not be more pleased.

He thanked me for being available and open to talking to him about his frustrations and I said, "Like wise" in kind of a bewildered state of amazement wondering where the hell my kid had been all this time. Apparently, he claims, there for a little while he couldn't find his way out of a paper bag, until he realized the paper bag didn't even exist. I told him it filled my heart with joy to be in contact with him again and it sorta felt like a dream that we were out of contact with each other for so long. He asked me if I had heard the line from one of Edgar Allen Poe's poems, Is all that we see or seem, But a dream within a dream? He commented further that life is sometimes like a lucid dream that we just need to wake ourselves from, now and then.

Well, I certainly am grateful to have been awoken from that previous sad dream of loss and am very very grateful for the current realm of articulate expression of feelings, frustrations and break throughs. Grateful to be positively focused and real fuckin' relieved to be in contact with my thriving, living on purpose son.