Yes! I said happiness!

It is my intention to be true to myself. I intend to trust my emotional guidance system and allow my feelings to guide me on the path I have chosen for my destiny. I allow myself to feel all my feelings and honor all of those feelings for what they are guiding me towards.

I acknowledge that I am not a perfect human being, but that I am a perfect spiritual being. I accept my imperfect human self and allow my perfect spiritual self to guide me towards my ultimate happiness.

Humming bird

I just had a totally amazing experience!!! I am not kidding!!!

I was standing on my back deck chatting it up with my friend, who also happens to be my neighbor, I was on my deck and she on hers when she began pointing behind me,...

I looked over my shoulder and there was a hummingbird hovering in front of our hummingbird feeder and then going in for some sugar water. Pretty cool! Yes? But! The totally amazing thing happened when I squatted down low to give him some space. I was able to watch him for at least 30 seconds. He was watching me too. I could see him eye balling me. Teresa even said, I love that he's got one eye on you at all times. We chuckled.

And then out of nowhere he dive bombed me!!!! It was so,... Well a little scary at first, but totally amazing. Then he flew off and came back for more sugar water. I stayed hunched down so I could watch and he dive bombed me AGAIN!!!

Neither time did he make contact, but Teresa was laughing and I decided he needed a little bit more space than what I was giving him. I'm smart like that, S-M-R-T.

As I was walking into my house and feeling completely blown away at the sense of bravery that little humming bird displayed. I thought to myself, Wow! He ain't skurd a me!

I never thought about a humming bird being a symbol of bravery, but I do now!

If a little humming bird can muster up the bravery to do a dive bomb attack on me, I think I can muster up the bravery to talk about my true feelings or step outside of my comfort zone to expand my life experiences.

Thank you humming bird for your astonishing display of bravery and inspiration.

I am not right and you are not wrong

I am not really sure how to start this, but I'm going to give it my best shot because I believe it's a point worthy of acknowledging or at least contemplating.

When something is not right in our reality and we have an awareness of this "not rightness" why do we let it linger? Why do we allow our "not rightness" to hang around and torture us emotionally?

It seems like if something doesn't feel right and you are aware of it, then why not attempt to process it and make it right?

I guess what it boils down to is every one has a different perspective and a different way of processing. Clarity from the outside is so much easier than when you are actually dealing with the personal emotions of the "not rightness".

I have some "not rightness" in my awareness. I really want it to be right, but its hard and scary sometimes. I guess the whole point of this was to help me realize that just because it is so easy and clear for ME to see what changes YOU could make to right your "not rightness" doesn't mean its right for you, because I don't have your emotional connection to your "not rightness". So, I have my perspective and you have yours. That does not make me right and you wrong.

I am just going to give what I would like to receive and that is understanding that I am doing the best I can with the tools, skills and awareness that I currently have and I give a damn about myself enough to keep searching and trying to improve myself.

The only confirmation that I need is the knowing I have in my heart that I am growing and changing.

Dead pizza

When you think opportunistic, what pops in your head?

People? Businesses? Infection?

Well, for me the first thing I think of is a murder of crows. It seems rather self explanatory, right? But let me paint a quick little picture for you to shed some light on why I am even bringing this up,...

Today as I was leaving Costco with my groceries I was waiting at the light to pull out of the parking lot with 5 or 6 other people. While waiting I noticed a couple cars ahead of me someone had left their recently purchased pizza on the top of their car. You can see where this is going, right?

Yup, as we rounded the corner pulling out onto the street, sssssshhhhhhhhoop! There goes that pizza sliding off the top of their car. I say that pizza because it wasn't theirs anymore. Nope! By the time the car in front of me had passed it and I had passed it well, that dead pizza,.. it now belonged to the crows.



I looked in my rearview mirror and there was probably about 7 or 8 crows jumping around chowing down on their brand new pizza.

Not a blink of an eye, not a single, hey mister you dropped something, they were at the right place at the right time and they jumped on it.

I have to admit I find myself feeling a little envious of the crows and their lack of concern for the previous owner and his feelings over his lost pizza, but I think that is because I've always been a rescuer.

I can take care of that! Here let me help you. I can do it! Yup! I got it! No! No, worries I can take care of this for you. Excuse me did you drop this?

But you know what? I love that about me! I love helping people and I love surprising them with extraordinary kindness.

I just also need to be extraordinarily kind to myself.

My pizza!!!

Pink bubble of elation

Have you ever felt so good that your body felt kinda jittery?

Last week I was driving home from my regular Friday coffee date with Keri and the radio was playing one great song after another. I was dancing all the way home. I got so pumped up and feeling good when I walked in the house to greet my super handsome puppy Waffles I was standing there loving on him, my legs and hands were kinda jittery. Like positive energy was just vibrating out of my body.

It is the most amazing feeling to be so happy that it was just bursting out of me. I feel like nothin' can touch me. I'm in my own little pink bubble of elation.



And no! I didn't order a double espresso. I really am that happy.

Honest.

Zombie Zen Master

It is my intention to live my dream of being an inspirational person. This blog is a huge piece of my dream.

Inspiration is my passion and the connections I create when I am inspired make me feel like I am truly living my life on purpose. As Abraham would say, "I am tuned in, tapped in and turned on" by the idea of living my life on fire with purpose.

I see people walking around like Zombies. They think they are living their lives, but they aren't. They are going through the motions of living and merely existing. Existing in one miserable moment until the next. Yearning for the time when they can escape their misery.

I want to shake their little zombie bodies until the heads fall off and then hold their head in my hands, look them square in the eyes and ask them, WHY? Why do you choose misery and suffering when you have a choice? Breathe,....

Then I take a deep breath,...(breathe) and I put down their little imaginary zombie head because I can see they are my zombie zen masters, reminding me to accept.

Acceptance is the key and I am here to make me happy. Oh yeah,... it's beginning to sink in.

I intend to balance this passion for living inspired with the other very important areas of my life such as my personal relationships, my physical fitness and my spiritual connection.

I intend to live on fire with purpose in harmony, health and abundance.

Positive choices

I intend to easily and continuously attract the people and situations to myself that will facilitate the process of becoming the inspirational speaker I know I am here to be.

Being inspired and inspiring others is my passion. I love the feeling of exhilaration I get when inspiration lights up in people when they decide to make positive choices in their lives.

DMV equals Dreaded Moments Vanquished

Who doesn't dread going to the DMV?

I start dreading it when some sort of correspondence appears in my mail box. You'd think I'd be oh so happy when the letter came congratulating us that we finished paying of our car, but, NO! That letter of congratulations (YIPPEE) also came with an invitation to a party that people want to attend even less than the party at the dental office (BOOO).

It's the DMV party!!!!

Come on down to the DMV. Waste your time waiting forever in a little bit of a panicky sweat because you couldn't understand the form and did the best you could, hoping to hell whatever menial bit of information you left out they can can find in their damned computer. Still waiting and hoping that you brought all the necessary supporting documents. Then your number is finally called and you find out you DO have EVERY thing you need including the $77 its going to cost you to get a piece of paper that reads, Happy and proud owner of your brand new (5years ago) car!!! Except there is one signature missing,.....

FUUUUCK!!! I would be silently screaming in my brain.

But not this time! No sir! Not this time!

My partner and I, we make a pretty powerfully awesome team!!!

Keri took care of ALL the paperwork and me? Well,...I took care of ALL the waiting in line. I did experience some of what I described, but my DMV dreaded moments were completely vanquished.

I sat next to a very friendly lady and we talked about her "new to her" trailer and the permit she needed. The camping she and her husband were planning. We talked about signatures needed on forms and paying off cars. We talked about her sister and nephew, my son, the boys dads. We talked about growing up in other states and moving to the Portland area. We talked and talked and talked, right past them calling her number, but she caught it in time.

And all of that talking and laughing took all my DMV worries completely away. I felt such relief.

As she was leaving, I was being called up. We bid our friendly good-byes and I approached the teller.

I handed over my "homework" as I called it and waited for her to review it. When she reached for her stamp of approval I gave an exuberant, YES! I can honestly say I gladly handed over the $77 and basically skipped out of there. So happy Keri did all the homework. So happy I didn't get turned away.

Dreaded moments vanquished!!!

This IS what I want

I intend to be concise in my communication style for the highest good of myself and everyone involved.

I am an attentive listener. I am the queen of clarification. I intend for you to understand that you are important enough to me to have my full attention. I want you to be true to you and I want nothing less for myself.

I allow this or something better to flow through me from the connection I have to the ultimate creative source.

Crazy alive

Wouldn't it be nice if you could give the gift of peace?

Maybe if it were as easy as gifting peace to someone, it would mean less to them than if they figured out their own path to their peace. I know doing the things I do to maintain my sense of peace is a hard line boundary for me. Meaning, my rituals that provide my sense of peace and positive attitude will not be sacrificed for anything.

Here's the perfect example.

Everyday that I drive to work I listen to a playlist of songs that really pump me up. I turn the volume up to. the. max. and I belt out those songs that I love so much like I'm standing on a stage in front of thousands of screaming fans. It feels so good to feel so alive.

I've got the windows down and the air is flowing. I've got people standing at the bus stop lookin' at me like, What in the world is this woman doing?

Do I care what they think? Heck no! Do I care if YOU think I can't sing! Hell no!!

I am doing this for me and I will not compromise this awesome feeling because someone "might" think I'm crazy. Who cares? Maybe I am crazy, but I'd rather be crazy alive than anything else.

Crazy alive is the gift of peace I give myself every chance I get.

Love robot

.

You get what you give and I am feeling loved.

Buy the damn purse

Don't you just love giving something to someone that really needs that some thing?

Sometimes its love, sometimes its an attentive ear, and loving advice, but many times its just space to BE. Space to be whatever it is that other person needs to be, even if it makes us uncomfortable, because we want so badly for our loved ones to be happy and giving them space to feel their feelings of heart ache, confusion or sadness is really hard to watch.

Though it is hard, I believe space to BE is the best gift of all when you really love someone. When we allow space for them to BE, we are placing our faith in a bigger plan and trusting that they will be able to work it out. We are empowering them to feel their feelings and reach for something better.

But there are SOMETIMES when the something someone needs,...Uh, yes! I said "needs", is a new purse, and that "someone" that "needed" a new purse was me!

Since my recent toe dipping in the girl water I've been carrying a little navy Coach make-up bag as a purse and calling it a clutch. It was great at first. My wallet, Chapstick, lipstick, keys and phone all fit in it, pretty tightly, but it worked. Until I discovered I'm too absent minded and in the moment to keep up with a clutch. I walked off without it a couple times already.

So, you can see why I "needed" a new purse. And guess what,... I got a new purse - I got a new purse - I got a new purse. You're imagining me skipping and singing right?

It was a little out of the budget my partner and I agreed to for the shopping trip, but my friend and I thought it was the perfect new purse. It was just a little bit bigger than what I had with the "clutch", it had 2 zipper compartments, an outside pocket and a handy shoulder strap.

The only problem was the budget. I said to my friend, It wasn't meant to be,...And she suggested we have them hold it. So, we did and went about our day.

After we had parted ways my friend sent me this text message: Buy the purse!!!! I will give you the difference and call it your b-day!!!!!!! Don't say a word......just DO IT!!!!!

I felt a little teary all of a sudden and texted back: You're going to make this girlie girl cry.

Her response: Lol.......whatever!!! Cry all you want.....but buy that damn purse!!!!!! Lol

So, to answer the question, don't you just love giving something to someone that really needs that some thing, the answer is yes.

[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="150"] This is the new purse and I LOVE it!!![/caption]

Sometimes it's love and understand with a little space to learn and grow and sometimes it's a purse.

You might not know this about me,...

For those of you who don't know me all that well, I am a connections person.

[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="185"] A fool in the name of fun? You're damn right![/caption]

I love making connections, talking to people and getting to know them. I love socializing. I love dancing and singing. I don't mind one little bit making a fool of myself in the name of having a good time. I love feeling good about life and enjoying myself. I am a person that gives hugs freely, and damn good ones too. As Clay Aiken sings in Don't Save It All For Christmas Day, "Why would you wait another minute? A hug is warmer when your in it. Oh, baby that's a fact." In fact I have claimed that this song should be the theme song for my life. Henceforth, Don't Save It All For Christmas by Clay Aiken shall be the Angel Zamudio theme song. And so it is! Yes, he is gay and yes, I am gay and yes, claiming a theme song for your own life is,... well, kinda gay, but that just gives you a little bit more insight into who I am. I am free to have all the fun I want. I intend to feel connected. I am in love with the feeling of love.

Unbending faith

I intend to write everyday. I accept where I am now and I know that the more I write the better I will get. I am tuned in to the divine energy. I allow that perfect creative energy to flow through me and in that I am certain.

I have unbending faith in my connection to divine energy. I am excited about the path I am on and enjoying the unfolding of my destiny.


I allow an ease of balance to be present in my life. There is plenty of room for the harmony, health and abundance to flow in all areas of my life.

It is my intention to maintain my healthy harmonious relationships personal and professional. It is my intention to maintain and continuously improve my physical and mental health. It is my intention to easily and continuously move forward in the direction of my destiny. I am an inspirational speaker. I am traveling more. I am happy in my job and I am passionate about my positive connections.

Clarified expectations

I was in the checkout line at the grocery store the other day when the friendly person at the checkout stand proceeded to give the customer in front of me a long row of stickers.

To be clear, I guess I should say the stickers were actually given to "the daughter" of the customer and she was probably about 12 years old.

As I watched that beautiful row of stickers, seemingly in slow motion, being pulled off the roll and generously being handed out, I wondered to myself, "will she give me that many stickers"?

Then, as if given a little nudge, I said to the checker person, "Oh, I just want you to know, that I have expectations now". We shared a good little laugh.

The mother and daughter in front of us got their groceries and stickers and off they went. Now, our groceries were being rung up. We were chatting with a little jokiness in our voices about how valuable a skill it is to know how to clarify our expectations. And what do you know, but when we were done she pulled off a whole row of stickers just for me.

It's delightfully simple and amazing when you know what you want and have the courage to actually voice it, that it comes to you as simply as a beautiful row of stickers.

It is my intention to slow down my mind and carefully consider what I want and effortlessly clarify my expectations.

It's like Joe Jackson sings, you can't get what you want, 'til you know what you want.

Right here - right now

Thank you for the gentle reminders that I can trust it is all right here right now.

I believe.

Positive self talk

It is my intention to speak to myself in a positive fashion. I know that I am a perfect spiritual being. I know that I am a flawed human being and that my words have power. It is my intention to use my powerful words to create my reality. I have a strong healthy carefree body, mind and spirit. I intend for my whole self to be fit and healthy.

I am delighted with my level of fitness and self reflection. I am open to improvements. I know there are ways we can make little adjustments that have a large affect. It is my intention to allow myself time to do what I want to do for the health of my physical, emotional and spiritual self.

I love the way my body feels when I am working out and eating healthy. I make time for exercise and make wise choices regarding food (most of the time). Beer is good for me, right? I love the way my attitude feels when I am focused. I make time for looking within. I love feeling my true connections. I make time for moments of truth. I just want to feel good and that is why it is important to me to make this time for myself.

I am a real person.

I allow this or something better for the highest good of myself and everyone involved.

Acceptance as a tool

I love loving people. I love to see the expression on the face of a person that just realized they can make a change in their lives. In the past this has been a challenging aspect for me regarding this idea of motivating people. YES!!! I can inspire people, BUT,.... We as individuals are the only ones that can actually motivate ourselves.

Utilizing acceptance as a tool, has enabled this reality to become one of the most rewarding realizations.

I have no control over anyone else. It is so liberating. This realization frees up my entire future to focus on the ONLY person I have any control over and that is ME!

No matter how much I love someone else, I can not love them into making better choices for themselves. The best thing I can do is to live my life making the best choices I can make for myself and trust that anyone that is open to making better choices for themselves will be watching.

Perhaps they will be inspired to make a change, but they have to want it for it to happen. They have to want it and they have to decide what they are going to do and when and how.

Even if they say they want it and don't take action, that is their choice.

You have the same glorious power for yourself. When you want to make a change you have to decide for yourself and put a plan of action into place.

This blog is the result of my decision and my plan in action.

Girl water

The last couple of years I have been dipping my toe in the girl water just a little. You might be asking yourself, what the heck does that mean?





Well, for me it means I have been flirting with the idea of being a little more feminine.


I am not sure if being a gay woman predisposes me to being tomboyish or if I was straight I still would have ran kicking and screaming from the Sunday morning ritual of dressing for church. Back then I would shout down the hall, "God doesn't care if I wear a dress or not". I thought it was rather cruel to have cartoon day and church day back to back. Ultimate freedom followed by complete conformity, torture I tell you!!! Torture!!!


Before I knew what gay was I simply thought I wanted to be a boy. There were no examples in Oklahoma in the 70's to match the way I was feeling, so my 7 year old brain concluded I should be a boy. I wore jeans, t-shirts, tennis shoes and ball caps. Not much different than my current wardrobe .


Subconsciously, I was dressing to avoid the attention of boys. It was way more comfortable and not just because I like soft cottony clothes, also because there occasionally was an illusion that I may actually be a boy. I got a few smiles from little girls and that just made my heart flutter. That positive connection encouraged the tomboyish look and it continued for many years.


Recently though, I've been having a change of heart.


Nope,...I am still gay (that doesn't change) and I still don't think God gives a shit what you wear, but I've gotten some lipstick, bikinis and a couple of pull over beach dresses and surprisingly to many, AND by choice I wore a dress to a wedding in Oklahoma this last June. Very surprising to me,... I have actually enjoyed all these new things.


The questions have come up, why the change? Am I being true to myself? Am I trying to be something that I am not? What's going on? And I have been tumbling this around in my mind and talking about it.


I think growing up I was so uncomfortable having these feelings and attractions to girls that I was always trying to hide my girlness. I was trying to feel ok with who I was on the inside and not really exploring how to be girlie on the outside, because I didn't know how to make it all fit.


I can remember very clearly the feeling I had at 23 when I accepted myself as a gay woman. I wanted to shout it from the top of a mountain, I am gay and that is how all these feelings make sense. I never felt more like I wanted to be a woman than I did in that moment.


I am a woman that loves women and that is sexy.


So, am I being true to myself? I am still trying to figure that out. I feel like I am. I feel like I have repressed this part of myself for so long that I didn't even know it was in there. My eyes are welling up with tears as my 43 year old brain concludes that being a woman in love with a woman is pretty damn girlie!


I am ready to set free the little girl in me that I put away all those years ago and I am ready to twirl. Forget the toe dipping, let's swim in the girl water!!!!


Being true to yourself and allowing yourself to explore what that means as you grow and change is truly an amazing feeling. I believe if it feels this amazing I must be being true to myself.

Make this person happy

If it is true that everything happens for a reason, and it is, I intend to look at the situations in my daily life that are uncomfortable and learn from them.

I want to be the best me that I can be and that means I need to take a look at what it is that creates uneasiness in my reality and address it. It is challenging to be true to myself 100% of the time. I have felt for a very long time that it is my responsibility to make sure everyone else is happy.

Well guess what? Fuck it! I am the ONLY person I can truly make happy. So, I will be putting myself at the top of the "make this person happy" list. How can I contribute anything real or positive to anyone else if I am not happy.


Look out family and friends you think I was positive before,... Well I just recommitted myself to my happiness. This does not mean that I don't give a shit about your happiness, because you know me. Of course I do, but I intend to refocus my attention as many times as it takes to dedicate myself to my happiness.

I intend to be the change I want to see.

The best I can be

Understanding, that anyone other than yourself, is going to have a completely different perspective from you is an invaluable coping mechanism.

How can anyone have the exact same perspective as you? They have not experienced the same life events as you. If you have this idea in your mind when communicating with people it helps break down communication barriers, because when you have an awareness about the certainty of a different perspective it allows you to truly listen.

When you are hearing some one talk and have no awareness of this certain difference, you have a subconscious expectation that they will say something that you can agree upon. When something completely asinine comes out of their mouth, your jaw drops in utter surprise. You think, How in the hell can you think that is right? I don't know about you, but I feel the need to interrupt because I want to defend my perspective as the right way of thinking.

However, how can always being on the defense about my perspective expand my awareness. I am here to be the best me that I can be.

Therefore when entering into conversation I intend to set my ego aside and open my ears to the possibility of expanding my awareness.

I learn something new everyday

Some times when I feel like I am learning something new, I am actually learning a new aspect of something I already knew. Take acceptance for example, I have known that "acceptance is the key" for a little while now. In fact a few years back I had a skeleton key tattooed on my inner bicep with a banner across it that reads, Acceptance.

That tattoo came about because of a big lesson in acceptance. I was having really bad back pain for several years. I had chiropractic adjustments, massages, acupuncture, Chinese herbs, physical therapy, Epsom salt soaks and Reiki treatments and none of this resolved my back pain. The pain peaked when I was 40, and there were times it was putting me on my hands and knees with tears running down my face. I tried meditation during which I asked myself, "What am I supposed to learn from this? Why am I in such pain? What is the purpose?"

Acceptance was the answer that came to me.

So, I accepted the pain and found a doctor in Feb 2010 that recommend lots of alternatives for addressing the back pain, but 1st wanted to order an ultrasound of my pelvic because she noticed a swelling in my abdomen. March 2010 I was on the operating table of my newly recommended gynecologist. I was having the largest specimen of a uterus that she'd ever seen removed due to benign fibroids. It took 3 surgeons twice the time my gynecologist thought it was going to take her and her assistant to remove "the rather large specimen". I read that a typical uterus is 60-80 grams and mine was 500 grams. Yes, 500 grams.

So, think about being 6-7 months pregnant for 10 years. What a pain!!!

It wasn't until I accepted the pain that I was able to find the path beyond the pain. So, I know that acceptance is the key, but I still find myself in situations that seem like I haven't really learned it yet.

So, I guess my question now is what door does this key of acceptance open? If I am aware that acceptance is the key why do I continue to find myself in situations in which I need to accept something? Is acceptance as a key just a tool that we use over and over? Maybe that's it!!!

It's not really that I haven't learned that acceptance is the key, it's just that now that I am aware of the tool I need to master the skill of using acceptance as a tool. I can accept that.