Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Expand my awareness
It is my intention to give my attention to conversation and open my mind to the idea that everyone I come in contact with has something to offer that will expand my awareness. I also intend to be true to myself and honor what I am guided to do in the interest of my highest good. When it feels right, I will listen and when it feels right to turn within I will honor that method of listening as well. I intend to be true to myself. Period. When I am true, really true to myself is when I have the best of myself to offer to others.
I came to realize on a silent retreat many years ago that I had diarrhea of the brain. It was worst when I was listening to someone speak. I would instantly begin formulating my own comments and arguments. They were so terrific! And, of course, I couldn't hear a fucking thing the other person was saying.
ReplyDeleteIt's taken a while to shut that little-convention-inside-my-head up. And, it goes without saying, my Itty Bitty Shitty Committee had much to say about whatever I was thinking. I think I didn't know that the Itty Bitty Shitty Committee wasn't actually my own voice, but the voices planted by all the childhood critics I endured through Catholic School and a wickedly fucked up family.
So listening sounds easy. It did to me, anyways. It took years of therapy and practice to quiet those voices. And, once mastered, there was still that festival of ideas that blew in preparing to respond to anyone. I had to learn to be aware of it and intentionally quiet myself to actually hear.
Now I sometimes have to interrupt someone with, "I'm sorry. My brain just fired off a bunch of stuff and I didn't hear what you just said. Can you repeat that?" It's mildy embarrassing. But effective.