Girl water turns out to be an Ocean

I am having so much fun discovering my girlie side. It is pretty exciting to be finding out new things about myself, such as, liking to have my toe nails painted and enjoying wearing clothes that accentuate my fit body.

I am dipping my toe deeper into the girl water. I have tried on makeup a couple times now. The first time it was someone else's make up and the most recent time was at a salon in hopes of getting some idea of what I want to get for myself. I don't really know how to explain it, it just feels good to do these little enhancements. Yes, I have worn make up in the past, but I don't remember wearing it for me.

I was wearing make up and dressing girlie, or what seemed girlie to me at the time, when I was in my teens and early twenties, but that was when I had no idea who I was and I was trying like hell to be like all the other girls. It was so uncomfortable. I can't say that I didn't enjoy people giving me compliments when I wore makeup and dressed pretty. It was very nice to be told I was pretty, but I didn't FEEL what they saw, because I was being so untrue to myself.

I look back on pictures of myself back then, like my first wedding pictures and I feel sad for that very lost person. I was going through the motions of a happy getting married young woman, but I was crying on the inside and it even spilled out into my reality a little bit. I cried as I walked down the isle with my dad. What else was I to do walking down the isle of my wedding that had a couple hundred people attending? I pretended I was overcome with emotion, which was true, it just wasn't the emotion everyone thought it was.

So you see, all of my girlie experiences in the past have been for someone else, really everyone else but me. But NOW!!!! Now I am doing it for me and it feels so good to be a woman in love with a woman and looking more and more like a woman. I like feeling my hair as I style it in the morning and through the day. I like looking at myself and seeing that pretty girl that those people saw all those years ago.

I like who I have become and I am having fun developing into a happier me. I am very lucky to have a supportive partner that wants me to be truly happy and has in her funny little way been encouraging me to "whore it up" and even on one occasion said, "you don't wear near enough of that,...". I am very lucky to have girlie friends that help me navigate the overwhelming options of the girl water, that turns out is really more like an ocean. If it weren't for these girlie friends of mine I might just be adrift at sea in complete bewilderment. I mean there are sooooo many things to choose from: colors of polish, makeup, different ways to wear makeup, body glitter, dress styles, special bras for certain types of shirts and dresses, hair styles, hair pretties, accessories, like jackets, scarves, and hats. Then there are the shoes. Oh the shoes!!!!

I love love love the shoes. As little Lexi would say, We are having so much fun!!!