Jessica Lange, I do believe you were my first movie star crush. I was probably seven years old when my older cousins wanted to go see the movie King Kong, starring, none other than the beautiful, Jessica Lange and that dork Jeff Bridges. No offense Jeff, but this is my seven year old self talking here. We went to the one theater in downtown Ada, Oklahoma. It was a veritable metropolis with its one main street coursing through town.
I had my popcorn and soda in hand and watching the big screen in front of me I found myself having these feelings I never really had before. I was totally entranced when the scene came on where King Kong was blowing Jessica Lange dry after he had held her in his hand under a water fall. Her beautiful blonde hair was blowing back as she closed her eyes and allowed his warm gentle breath to dry her body. Damn!!! That's a pretty vivid memory. Apparently, she made an impression on me.
I can still remember how heart broken I felt as Jessica cried her eyes out at the end when King Kong was shot down from the high rise building. I just wanted to hold her and comfort her. There there, Jessica Lange.
My next exposure to Jessica was in the early eighties when the movie Tootsie came out. What better character to identify with for me than Dorothy Michaels? Dustin Hoffman played Michael Dorsey, an out of work, struggling actor who gets the bright idea to go dressed in drag to an audition for a female character on a soap opera. He names the female version of himself, Dorothy Michaels.
Much to his and everyone else's surprise he gets the part. Dorothy plays a hospital administrator in the facility in which Nurse Julie Charles (Jessica) works. They work together and develop a friendship, that quickly turns into a romantic interest for Dorothy, which is actually Michael. You see how this could really appeal to a very confused young gay girl, who didn't even know what gay was yet. I identified with Dorothy's character on so many levels.
First of all, I was already in love with Jessica and second of all Dorothy was falling in love with Julie, and a seemingly impossible relationship, actually a completely impossible relationship, develops. Have you, as a gay woman ever tried dating a straight girl? It never works out. Well, there are the rare exceptions.
My favorite scene was when Dorothy and Julie were making a cake. Julie was completely clueless to the feelings that were growing in Dorothy's heart. Julie dips her finger into the cake batter and gives Dorothy a taste, right off her finger, all in slow motion. OMG!!! Her dress was flowing as she twirls around the kitchen.
I probably watched that one scene a million times.
Every time I talk about these type of experiences, Keri jokingly says, "and you didn't know you were gay,...?"
The thing is, is back then I had no concept, what so ever of what gay meant or even that the word existed. Like I've said before, there were no gay role models then, at least in my realm of awareness.
I am happy to report that it all worked out and I have never been more happy in my life. I am still learning about myself and growing more and more happy as each day passes. I can honestly say that each day brings me closer and closer to my true self.
No comments:
Post a Comment