I don't give a shit if, weller, isn't a word

All is well and getting weller, getting weller, getting weller. I can not hide the way I feel inside and inside I feel joy, expanding joy. The joy I feel inside is so huge it shoots out of all my pours like beams of light, causing me to glow. The joy I feel is deep flowing joy, knowing that I am floating down stream. Where I am cashing in on my vibrational escrow every minute of every day.

I appreciate my wonderful relationships, I appreciate my wonderful job and all the opportunities it provides. I appreciate music and the way it provides a joyful feeling within me. I love the way I hear love songs and turn them into songs about Ultimate Creative Source. Reach for the higher feeling thought. Be a vibration match with your vibrational escrow and just allow yourself to float through life with ease. Got my head on straight, got my vibe right. It feels so good to be doing all the things I want to be doing. I gotta enjoy myself regardless. I appreciate life and I am so glad I got it right. I am trusting the knowing.

Trust the knowing means that all we have to do is get in vibrational harmony with our vibrational escrow and it will be delivered. Vibrational escrow is everything you ever wished for and all the things I wish for are good feeling things; rewarding work, abundance, freedom, love, passion, creativity and like minded friends. All of these things are good feeling things, so for these things to continually flow to me I need to be a vibrational match to them. Like energy attracts like energy.

This is the NUMBER ONE reason I hold positive energy. BE the joy you want to see in your life. There is joy everywhere. I am everywhere and I am JOY!!! Floating through life with ease. Floating through life with ease. Floating through life with ease.

All is well and getting weller!!!!!

Space to BE

I am definitely a connections person. I love talking to people and sharing my experiences and hearing what other people believe and think. That's one of the things I love about Facebook. There are so many friends to make and so many connections. It is amazing.

My wife thinks it's funny when I talk about my friends on Facebook, especially when it's in reference to someone I've never actually met. She's not on Facebook at all, well that's not entirely true, because I have posted pictures of us on my wall, but I can't even tag her because she has no page. Oh well, anyone that knows me, knows that Keri is my baby, my wife and the love of my life. :)

Anyway, I think Facebook is cool because I can have little chats with people I, otherwise, would not even have a chance to meet. I get to see family and friends all over the U.S., watch their kids grow up, make connections with my mom and have funny little chats with friends in and out of town, watch my nieces grow and change and occasionally there are things I see on Facebook that are not my favorite, but I do a pretty good job of ignoring what annoys me. Why focus on something that causes me irritation? Right?

I'm not crazy about political or sports related rants, but I understand people have their opinions and passions. I just choose to ignore those posts and keep my focus on what I enjoy about Facebook. I did have a funny little experience recently when a couple of people posted comments about being sad or letting "tears roll", because I automatically think, Oh my, why are you sad? why are you crying? and in both of those cases it was related to a football game. I have seen videos on FB of people getting completely out of control over a football game and I am not putting these in the same category, I think sometimes people get a little too wrapped up in sports, but there again you have me judging others based on my standards.

[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="300"] Image taken from Facebook[/caption]

Some might think I get too wrapped up in talking about nutrition, my wonderful golden retriever or my sweet little wife. I guess we all just have to learn to tolerate each other's passions and allow every one the space to be exactly who they want to be. Starting NOW!

Starting now! I mean, Starting now.

Is it petty of me?

This last week I got a return call from a patient regarding her dental insurance. I had left her a message, because the card I copied for her insurance had no ID # on it. I thought maybe that particular insurance company didn't use ID#'s, so I just submitted a claim with out an ID# and it was rejected. Reason? No ID#.

So, I called the patient to see if she would contact me to let me know what her ID# was, so I could process her claim. She called back and asked me if I tried to call the insurance company for the ID# and I said no because the ID# is always required for a third party to get any information about the policy. She said ok, that she would call. When she called me back with the ID# she said, "I asked the insurance company if you could have called and requested the ID# and they said if someone from the dental office had called they would given you ANY information you needed". I said, "Oh that's interesting because when I call there's usually an automated system that requests, very first thing, to enter the subscriber's ID#." She reiterated that they told her that was not true.

I thanked her for retrieving her id# for her insurance, so I could submit a claim for her and also thanked her for letting me know that I could call, because that was new information to me. Then like a petty get backer, I called the insurance company and went through the automated system (pretending not to have the ID#) and guess what!!! That is confidential information. They can not give me the ID#. FUCKERS!!!

Why do they have to lie to my patients making me look like a lazy fuck? I did start to dial my patients phone number just to set the record straight and I hung up before I finished dialing, as I concluded calling her to clarify would just seem petty, but there's no fucking way I wasn't going to blog about it!!!

I am usually a very positive person, as you may already know and I, rarely, if ever use the H word, but I HATE insurance companies. They are lying, uncaring, money grubbing FUCKS!!! I truly feel sorry for the people that work for those companies. It takes just about all the inner poise I can muster, not to take it out on the poor soul on the other end of the line.

Any time someone calls me to ask advice about what dental insurance to choose, I always advise to self insure. Save the money you'd spend/waste on a premium, actually save it, and spend your dental dollars anyway you'd like, with out having to jump through a bunch of hoops just to get denied. When people have dental insurance and procedures get denied that don't make any sense and my patients ask me why, I simply tell them, Your insurance company doesn't give a shit about your health. You are right it doesn't make any sense, but it makes dollars. OK, I'm done.

Vitamin S

This is from my journal Feb. 28, 2009.

I woke up this morning and laid in bed with Keri for about an hour talking. It was delightful. I was scratching her off and on, not the whole time and we/I pretended that we were little and that I got to spend the night at her house. I asked her if she had pop tarts at her house and the adult non-pretending Keri emphatically said. "NO! Yuck!"

I clarified that we were pretending we were little and I was spending the night and she said, "Oh, ok." So I asked, "What's your favorite flavor of pop tart?" She said, "CHERRY!!!" with the cutest little grin on her face.



"You got any?" She said, "nope" I told her that pretending keeps us young.

We talked about the dreams we had and not remembering falling asleep. We talked about how we woke up in the middle of the night and cuddled and I scratched her for about 45 minutes. We started calling scratching Vitamin S, because she was not feeling well, so I started scratching her to create positive feelings in her to help her feel better.

Like energy is drawn to like energy, so if I scratch her it creates a positive reaction to attract more positive feelings/healing. Thus, Vitamin S.

Where's my cape???

Clarity never ceases to feel utterly amazing!!! It's like when you are worried or nervous or anything else that is not ringing true with feelings of happiness, you're not connected to the Ultimate Creative Source. You've jumped out of the stream and it doesn't feel good. Just as soon as you get your thoughts right or you trust the knowing you are back in the stream, floating down stream.

When you allow it to just BE and trust that doing what feels best to you, all is well. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or says because you are being true to yourself. I am allowing myself to be true to myself and I am grateful for the growth. I am grateful for the clarity.

I read in my journal an entry I wrote in August 2008 about an interview with David Lynch in UTNE magazine and I really like the advice section of that interview, so much so that I'm going to share it here. "Stay true to yourself. Let your voice ring out, and don't let anybody fiddle with it. Never turn down a good idea, but never take a bad idea. And meditate. It's very important to experience that self, that pure consciousness. It really helped me. I think it would help any film maker (anybody). So, start diving within, enlivening that bliss consciousness, Grow in happiness and intuition. Experience the joy of doing, and you'll grow in this peaceful way. Everyone will want to sit next to you. And people will give you money" - Lynch

This is great advice!!! I love it!!! Last week when I had a heavy bull shit day, I took some time at lunch to do some purposeful breathing and meditation. I felt so much better afterwards. I sorta' felt floaty. It was amazing to be feeling that way after allowing myself to get amped up by reacting to others egos.

[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="300"] Image provided by www.connectedwebsolutions.com[/caption]

I don't have any control others ego, fear, worry, etc., but I do have control of my reaction. It's easy to be in control of myself. I am allowing myself to remain calm in the middle of a storm. The thing that keeps me anchored is the purposeful breathing. A tornado of emotion could come spinning into my reality and all I have to do is allow it to be whatever it feels it needs to be and I remain calm and deal with the facts. I have the super human ability to dissolve BULL SHIT.

The incredible shrinking parts

There are so many funny stories associated with parenting, but one of my favorite ones comes from when our son was about 11 years old, back when we thought that microwaves might leak radiation. We had told Garrison not to stand so close to the microwave multiple times, because he used to stand right in front of it, basically with his nose pressed against the glass watching his food going around in a circle on the microwave turn table. Plus we didn't want the nose smudges on the glass.

Well one day he was in the kitchen warming up some food and standing there with his nose to the glass and Keri looked over at him and said, "You know,...standing that close to the microwave will make your penis smaller" You should have seen how quickly he jumped back from that microwave and said, "Nu-uh!!!"

We busted out laughing, and Garrison joined in not too long after he realized she was teasing. In fact he thought it was so funny, he later played the same joke on his friend Wilson when he came over to spend the night. Easily, one of my favorite funny memories.

Food Industry Regulations

At the grocery store this weekend I saw a woman from the deli walk by and she had a hair net on her head. It made me wonder, If we lived in a nudist colony would the deli workers wear hair nets downstairs,...

All Keri said was, Too far.

All I can say is, I hope the hell they do or I'm leaving.

Daughter of a Disco Queen

Plain and simple, there are some songs that can totally take me to the HNL "hole nunna lelel" also known as, whole 'nother level. You might know about the "HNL" if you watched the late night comedy show Mad tv. It was pretty funny, but that is not what this is about. This is about how totally out of this world I can feel just by crankin' up the volume and dancing my ass off in my car, in my living room or out in public. Most of the time, it's in my car, because I'm in my car everyday, but when I make a dance night happen I am OFF. THE. HOOK!!!!

I love the freedom and total bliss of being on a dance floor or anywhere when I can shake what my momma gave me. I don't know why dancing provides this sort of escape for me and I don't really care. I just LOVE LOVE LOVE it!!!

I know that my mom was a dancing fool in her younger days, a "real disco queen". My memory of her from the mid 70's is one hot momma. I remember this one all white polyester suit she wore that always made me think she was a woman in charge. I couldn't put words to it back then, but looking back I looked up to her, thought she was very cool and quite beautiful. She had long dark brown hair, almost black, down to her ass, beautiful olive skin and in that white suit she seemed like a woman of power.

[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="221"] Look at my beautiful momma.[/caption]

The pant legs of that suit flared out over her high heel shoes and the top was kinda high, like around her waist. She wore the white matching jacket over a hot pink fitted low cut tank top. Yes, she was my mom and I thought she looked hot! I'm not sure if she still cuts the rug or not, but we used to play records at our house all the time and dance around the living room. There was always music in my childhood, in the car on the way to school, driving around on Saturdays running errands, in the living room while we were doing our weekend chores.

Perhaps all this song and dance through my childhood fueled this passion for dance through the rest of my life. The song that started all this today is by Bruno Mars, Treasure. I LOVE that song. It just has the right rhythm and pop and the words are so fun. I sit in my car at stop lights and dance my ass off. I'm ready to go dancing!!! It's so fun! I don't care if I'm the only one out there, I just let loose and have a blast!!!

To cleanse or not to cleanse,...

The juice cleanse has gone fabulously. I feel amazing and have experienced a level of clarity and connectedness that is difficult to describe, but amazing to feel. I have to be honest though, we have not ONLY been juicing. I don't want to mislead anyone into thinking we have been surviving on fresh fruit and vegetable juices for the last two weeks, although, that doesn't mean that it can't be done. It certainly CAN be and many many people have done it. Joe Cross of the documentary film Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead, did a 60 day juice cleanse and inspired many people around the world to do their own juice cleanses, all varied amounts of time and various results.

We decided we wanted to incorporate smoothies and we also began eating a combination of raw and cooked vegan foods. It has been a delicious wonderful experience. I have to be honest though, (it seems like I say that alot) it's not a barrel full of awesome sauce. There is the downside of the feelings associated with detoxifying your body. It is rarely mentioned in all the books and movies about juicing/cleansing, or I just somehow overlooked the mention of the downside because I was so excited about the upside.

Keri felt a little sick accompanied with a pretty nasty headache for almost a whole day about 3 days into the cleanse and we attribute that to the toxins leaving her body. When you do a cleanse it allows your body to release old bacteria, viruses and toxins in your system that need to be flushed out in order to be healthy. Cleansing allows these toxins to be being released into the blood faster than the body can handle comfortably, causing feelings of being sick and a headache in some people.

I didn't really ever have a sick feeling, but I did have a pretty big emotional reaction. On about the 7th day of our clean eating deal, I had an emotional breaking point that resulted in a crying session that lasted about 3 hours. All that crying did end up giving me a pretty bad headache.

[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="300"] protein called neuropeptide[/caption]

The science of the body processing food and emotions is pretty amazing. Emotions create chemical reactions in your body and when you don't deal with those emotions those chemicals settle into the body and are stored there until you deal with those emotions or a symptom occurs. I believe in my case when I began cleansing my body with the juice it stirred up those unprocessed emotions and they came flooding out in my tears.

The nutrients of the juice are so easy for your body to process that it goes into your blood stream in about 10-15 minutes, opposed to the nutrients of solid cooked food which takes about 2-2.5 hours. Plus, your body has to work harder to get what it needs out of that solid cooked food and after all that hard work your body finds less nutrition is available because the heat of cooking food depletes the natural occurring vitamins.

So, with these feelings of being sick, headaches and long crying sessions would I recommend doing a cleanse to others? Absolutely!!! The benefits far out weigh the short period of downside effects. The lightness I feel in my body, the clarity of my brain, the energy I am feeling and the happiness I feel knowing that I am actively doing something for the health of my body is all very amazing and well worth the short period of side affects. It beats the hell out of the side effects associated with medications that doctors are prescribing.

Let's see a little sick with a headache or a session of crying verses anal leakage, lymphoma, anxiety or suicidal thoughts. Hmmm, let me think,... Cleanse!!! Every single time.

Equal Rights for ALL

Ok, so a couple months ago I decided I wanted to start incorporating the holidays and days of remembrance into my blog. It occurred to me on Veterans Day. I remember this because I kept having this feeling like I missed an opportunity to honor the service men and women by not writing about it. However, I did just get married the Friday before Veterans day. That was a pretty huge deal in my life and a pretty strong point of focus. I was so happy to be getting married and so excited about telling the world that I didn't even think about the Monday after my wedding day being Veterans Day.

The truth of it IS, is that the very first time I posted a blog about having a wife WAS on Veterans Day, so I did miss that opportunity to honor service men and women on that particular Veterans Day, but by being aware and acknowledging that I missed an opportunity is the perfect example of acceptance, progress, growth and love.

I accept responsibility for myself and the opportunity that I missed and I choose to turn it around. A mistake can turn into a lesson when you love yourself enough to accept yourself as a flawed person. The moment you feel self acceptance your shoulders drop and you begin to breath. As you feel the relief, like the second you let go, you create space in your mind and that space provides a place for positivity to flow in. It feels so amazing to pause,...let go,...and allow the positivity to flow in like an eternally flowing river.

So, in honor of all service men and women of all times, I am grateful for the freedoms I have to #1 have a wife and #2 have the freedom to express my utter joy about it with the world. I appreciate your service and protection.

And in honor of Martin Luther King I am writing about my appreciation for the people of the states that have stepped forward and said, NO!!! to discrimination against their gay brothers and sisters.

HOT DAMN!!!!

Hot holy damn!!! This Diablo juice feels like the devil himself jumped up from hell and danced all over my tongue, right down my throat and has taken up residence in my belly! Whew!!!!



Well that is what I thought until I had my first big dose of Niacin, also known as Vitamin B3. Holy shit balls of FIRE!!!!! That Niacin blows Diablo juice out of this hemisphere.

Ok, let's get some clarity going here on what I am talking about. The Diablo juice is a juice that I got out of a cook book from a restaurant Keri and I went to when we went to Canada a few years back. (Rebar) The juice is made up of 4 carrots, 1/2 medium beet, 1/2 oz ginger, 1/2 jalapeño pepper (with seeds), 1oz parsley and 1 garlic clove. Why would I drink that? you might be asking yourself. Well, it actually tastes pretty good to me and [parsley is loaded with vitamins, especially A and C, and is also rich in riboflavin, calcium, iron, magnesium and potassium. An excellent tonic for increasing energy, lower cholesterol and cleansing the blood] Drinking the Diablo juice makes you feel like you've eaten chips and salsa minus the chips and is super healthy.

Niacin has multiple health benefits. The primary health benefit is a significant decrease in heart disease. It helps lower the level of bad cholesterol and studies have shown it also increases the elevation of good cholesterol levels. It helps with blood flow and circulation. What other reasons are needed? The reason I decided to take Niacin was because it's supposed to help with stiffness and I have lived with back pain for a very long time. I was hoping that the niacin would help relieve some of that stiffness.

So, we bought some and took our first dose yesterday. We took 100mg each with the rest of our supplements just before breakfast. After we finished eating, I leaned over to place my dish in the dishwasher and all of a sudden my face was feeling SUPER hot. I stood up and said, Damn! My face feels really hot and kinda prickly. Keri looked over at me and busted out laughing. She said your face is beet red. This sensation of heat and prickly needles was working it's way down my neck, chest, down my arms and eventually covered my entire body.

I was beginning to panic as the sensation was increasing quite rapidly I might add, Keri jumped on the internet and looked up Niacin. These red hot needles coursing over my body were a normal side effect of too much Niacin. What the fuck? NO BODY EVER SAID ANYTHING to me about taking too much Niacin. Wait,... Did I ever ask anyone? Umm,... no i didn't. Well that's a hazard of being the head of the experiment department. However, I felt great all day. I had one of the best days I've had in a long time (at work).

It took about 15 minutes for the heat to come on and it took about two hours for the prickly heat to subside. I was very warm all day, my heart rate was elevated and I was super productive. I didn't give two shits about anyone else's crappy mood. I had a great day!!!

Will I take Vitamin B3 (Niacin) again? YES!! I just did this morning. However, I took 1/4 of the dose that produced such a dramatic affect. It was much better today and I still get the benefits. I will slowly increase the mg at a tolerable level. I love feeling so good. I love feeling healthy and fit.

My hope,...

When I sit down to write something for my blog, I usually take a quick perusal of FB to see what's going on in the lives of my loved ones near and far. I like the snap shot and opportunities FB provides. It can be whatever you choose for it to be. I choose to see the things that: inspire me, create good feelings within me and provide opportunities for growth and connection. I tend to skip the stuff that seems like it might create opposing feelings.

Today (Sunday January 12, 2014) when I opened the FB window to the world around me I discovered a friend of mine had posted a link to a blog entitled, Three words that can change the way you feel, and it served as a great reminder. The author of that particular blog survived cardiac arrest, but also survived death, not too many of us can say that or even want the opportunity to experience it, but you can only imagine how your previous, "have to's" would easily turn into, "get to's". I feel like I am a pretty grateful person and I thanked my friend, Judy, for posting the link on her FB. I also mentioned in my response that I am grateful to be as grateful as I am without having to experience a return from death situation.

I just saw Judy on Saturday at little birthday thing and I didn't know it but, she hadn't been giving out hugs because she has been sick. Guess when I found out,... After I sat beside her for the majority of the gathering and as I was hugging her goodbye. Do you think this new information cut our hug session short? If you said, Oh hell yes! Then #1 you clearly don't know me or #2 you're some kind of weirdo germ phobe. The answer is No, it did not cut our hugging session short and do you know why? #1 because I love my friend Judy and #2 because I don't believe in germs. I know it's an unconventional thought process, but that's just me. Also, I believe a hug is warmer when you're in it. What if, for some godforsaken reason I never got to see Judy again, I would be kicking myself for not hugging her the last time I saw her because of some stupid "fear" of germs. Besides as much juice as I have been drinking lately, even if I did get exposed to some germs, I'd be flushing them out faster than they would have a chance to do any damage anyway.

So, what the heck is the point? The point is that today's viewfinder AKA Facebook provided an opportunity for me to share feelings of gratitude, inspired me to write about it and hopefully provided an opportunity for someone else to feel inspired, connected and loved. It also provided an opportunity for me to reflect on 2013 and I can't help but wonder about my niece Audra. How has her life changing experience changed her perspective? I. can. not. even. imagine. My hope is that she has discovered a strength within herself that she never dreamed was possible. My hope is that despite her challenges, whether they are regular old college life things or related to her health that she knows she has support from people that love her more than she could even imagine. My hope is that she takes this crazy thing we call life and takes herself to the edge of glory. My hope is that she chases her passions with a red hot burning desire. My hope is that she feels love, deep powerful love that takes her breath away. My hope is that she knows I am pulling for her. These things make me feel good. I am grateful to have an opportunity to have these feelings and that I am able to share these feelings.

I didn't ask if you were on the clock,...

Friendliest store in town? I had my doubts this past weekend. I absolutely could not believe the response we received from an "off the clock" clerk as we were trying to figure out the "make your own peanut butter" device. It literally took me a good 20-30 minutes to shake it.

Keri and I were standing there trying to get some peanut butter out of this device we've never used before and I caught a glimpse of someone I recognized as an employee walking right by and said, Excuse me, but could you show us how this works. His response, Actually, I'm not on the clock yet.



Oh,... ok. What the hell else am I supposed to say? Keri and I paused and looked at each other kinda dumbfounded. I'm sure we looked like we were standing there having a blinking contest because we were so taken aback at his response. It turns out it was a very simple little switch that took us about half a second to discover once it was clarified that we were on our own as far as that jack ass was concerned.

Geez!!! Even if I didn't work there and someone asked me something like that I would have stopped and tried to help. I don't know if he knew how to operate that peanut butter device or not, all I know is he didn't give a shit. WOW! Not really that friendly. Is it a clock-in activated sci-fi thingy they have implanted into their brains? Not sure, but I really needed a positive experience to kick that shitty response out of my realm of consciousness and guess what!!! True to my life, a real positive experience was delivered before I even stepped out of the store.

The clerk that checked our groceries was very friendly and totally erased the previous experience, well not TOTALLY, right? or I wouldn't be writing about it. I did wonder if perhaps the "off the clock" person was having a bad day. Maybe he was and not everyone is made the same so maybe that was the most friendly thing he could come up with given the bad day he was having, poor guy. BUT if that truly is the best you can come up with even if you're not on the clock, don't work at the store that boosts Friendliest store in town. Do you think that when I am having a bad day and I encounter one of my patients outside my office that I'm telling them, Don't talk to me. I'm not at work. Hell no! But there I go again basing my opinion of someone else on my own personal standards. Angel! Stop doing that!

Let it go,...

OK, thank you for reading today and let's all give ourselves and others a break, whadaya say. I know I could use one from time to time.

Golden Globes

Yes, Keri was watching from the start of the red carpet and yes, I was working on my blog. I did stop in time to see the opening monologue by Amy and Tina. It's very difficult to concentrate on my work when all that fabulousness of Hollywood is dancing all over my tv screen. So, I'm cutting it short today folks. Enjoy the world of fantasy!

Life affirming, huh?

I was bestowed one of the greatest compliments of my life this weekend. I attended a birthday party of one of my dear sweet friends and upon arrival, as per usual, hugs were passed all around!!!! A little later a few more hugs were passed around.

If you don't know me personally, you probably don't know that I'm a hugger and as I mentioned in a previous blog the theme song for my life is by Clay Aiken, Don't Save It All For Christmas, in which he sings, how could you wait another minute, a hug is warmer when you're in it, which, is absolutely true.

On the second or perhaps third round of hugs, my birthday friend pulls away from hugging me and declares that my hugs are, "Life reaffirming hugs". WOW!!! Talk about blowing my shit out of the water with an amazing compliment. That did it!!! And he didn't stop there, he went on to clarify simply by rephrasing. "My life is reaffirmed by the quality of your hugs. I love your hugs!"

Again I say, WOW!

Well, I've said it before and there's no better time to say it again, I've got a whole lotta love to give. Who wants a hug???

And, thank you Pat, for the awesome compliment!!! Loves

a,s,d,f

If you can believe it or not this blogger is just now learning to actually type. It is frustrating as HELL!!!! I, let me correct that, Keri found a little program online that teaches you how to type by giving you exercises to do. So, far I have practiced the left hand home row which consists of a,s,d and f. Do you know how few words you can type with those four letters? That would be an extremely boring blog.

aa adf fds ad dsa ff sd sa fad fs sad df ds daf dd afd ffs sads dafs sfd sass asd ss sfa fd da ffs saf ffd ssa aaf sda fa ssd ssf dsf a fsa fda dds ads sf aas fads das dda as

Who would read that? I am 100% certain that not a single one of you read all those letters. BORING!!! AND whenever you make an error, the program makes a sound like a computerized sheep with no emotion. It goes BAA. for each incorrect letter that you type and there's a timer. When you finish it flashes a sign that shares your results: Congratulations you did that in 84.67 seconds! Unfortunately, you had 19 errors. The best I ever did on that particular exercise was 60 some odd seconds with 6 errors. BAA BAA BAA BAA BAA BAA I did accomplish a time that I don't remember that only had two errors, followed by a time that included 19 errors. I think my fingers got off the home row.

I gave up for now. I said to myself do something that feels good. So, I started writing about my frustration and created an opportunity to feel successful. Yup, I hunt and peck every single one of these blogs and until just a few weeks ago, I was hunting and pecking all of these blogs on my iPhone. It is so mush easier to hunt and peck on an actual keyboard. Ahhhhh!!!!

SIGH. You can almost feel the weight of that sigh can't you? That's because I just decided to resume the typing exercises. I am determined!!! Keri is right, in the long run, it will make typing my blog, my future speeches and future books much faster.

BAA for now,...

Swing and a miss

I am too pissed off to write a cute little funny story with a positive up beat ending. I just did that!!! I just wrote something that I thought was funny and I even chuckled to myself as I read it. I read it to Keri and she laughed too. Then I went to copy and paste it into my word press and poof! It was gone! SHIT!!! Where'd it go???

That has happened to me twice!!!! I hate that! I know it's not that much considering how many blogs I've posted, but a lot of energy goes into these blogs and for it to just evaporate into thin air really pisses me off!!!

Just re write it,...she says. Yeah! Ok, let me process this frustration first. I'm not in the mood to be cute and funny or upbeat! My temperature just went through the roof. I'm in the mood to stare of into space and say fuck a whole bunch. FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!!! Yeah, I'm a real bad ass. Look out!!!! Mother fuckers!!!! Ok, I'm starting to feel a little levity. Simply because it is quite humorous to think of myself in any sort of bad ass way. Even in my dreams I can't land a punch on someone that I really do not like. It's so frustrating. You'd think in a dream I could stomp someone's ass, right? Nope.

It's always a swing and a miss. Oh well, at least I feel better now.

Let your smile be your sunshine

Pollyanna, eternal optimist, happy-go-lucky, #1 cheerleader, glass half full person, dreamer, idealist and anything else you can think of along those lines I have been called. I like those qualities in myself. Sometimes people think I am a little simple in my ways of dealing with the world around me, but I would much rather be simply happy than complex skeptical and worried.

I've also been called gullible, vulnerable, not street savvy, wide-eyed and trusting. I'm ok with that too. I prefer to be trusting and vulnerable. I have wonderful life experiences learning and sharing with people. I've been told many times that I am really easy to talk to. I think it's because I am open to hearing what people feel and how they react to situations. I might not necessarily agree with their opinion or their choice, but it really is not my place to judge someone else on their way of coping because I have not had their same experiences.

My hope is that anyone I encounter will part from such an encounter feeling just a little happier, have a little more hope, or feel a little bit better about themselves. I have a whole lot of love to give and I am willing to share.

So, maybe I am pollyanna or any other of the names I listed before, but I like the way I am and I don't mind one bit being teased for recommending to Keri on a rainy day that she should let her smile be her sunshine. That's just me.



Maybe the thesaurus should add my name to the list of synonyms listed behind pollyanna,...

Not for wussies,...

OK, divine guidance I am open to receiving your message of clarity. I have been walking around in the dark with my arms extended to feel my way around and I am ready to see some light. I end up getting hurt when I walk around in the dark. I bump into things, get knocked in the shin, stub my toe, bump my head and it makes me cry. I am tired of getting hurt.

I take in a deep breath, close my eyes, let out the deep breath and take another. I open my heart and allow your clarity to flow through me. I am lost and I do not know what to do. I just read a comment on a website called praying women that read when someone feels anger it is a defense mechanism against feeling hurt and at this very moment I can totally identify with that feeling.

I wrote a scathing message to someone about 20 minutes ago with questionable intent. Will I send this message out to this person? Will this angry message benefit the situation? Will it reach the intended person and create the situation I desire? It is quite clear to me now that the answer is no, but that does not mean I know what to do. So, I am asking. I am asking for clarity and I am open to whatever message it is that I receive.

I know that a great deal of what I end up writing about is allowing others to be whatever it is they need to be, but I am confused about my feelings. It feels like allowing this person to be what it is they feel they need to be is hurting me. Damn clarity!! Just as I was typing that, divine clarity, spoke and said, It is hurting you because you are allowing it to hurt you. You can choose to let it go. It feels like when I am letting go that I am allowing someone slip through my fingers into non existence and that makes me very sad. It makes me cry. How long do I let go? Do I just let go forever?



OK, the anger is gone and has been replaced by sadness. I do not want to loose this person. The sadness hurts. It feels like my heart is breaking. I can't stop crying. What would I say to me if I was a friend of mine in this situation? I would say, Does it make you feel good to think about this? No. Is there anything regarding this subject that brings you joy? Not this particular aspect, no. Is there any aspect of this subject that brings you joy? Yes! OK. Do you like to feel this sadness? No. OK, then wipe those tears from your eyes and focus on what brings you joy. Life is too short to sit around crying about things that you can not change. It is what it is, if there is something else you can focus on that makes you feel better then I say do it!!! And do it now, before you waste one more precious second of your life feeling sad.

OK, feeling better. Thank you. You're welcome.

AMAZING power of food!!!!

Reporting back as promised! Saturday was the first day of our Juice cleanse. We had originally agreed to juice for two days and then begin the 4 week vegan deal with no alcohol, coffee or sugar. Well, like many things, our plan has changed.

We started Saturday with a pineapple, pear, orange juice. It was delicious and supposed to be a hard-working juice. Rich with enzymes and pectin to help break down proteins, eliminate toxins and help with digestion. While we were drinking that juice we made a couple other juices for the day so we would be ready and prepared for when our hunger hit. We made a mean green juice that had kale, celery, cucumber, apple, lemon and ginger. We got that recipe from the documentary Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead. A great true story about an Australian man that cured himself of a rare disease by going on a 60 day juice cleanse. He stopped all of his medications and was totally healed of his disease simply by cleansing his body of indigestible toxins with juice. That is AMAZING to me. I love it!!!!

Our next juice was one of Keri's faves; apple, spinach and cucumber. Simple. Fresh. Delicious and HEALING!!!!

We knew we weren't going to want to be far from home because when all you're consuming is freshly squeezed juice your body absorbs the nutrients quickly into your blood stream and starts cleaning your blood and liver, so we purposely didn't plan much for this weekend. We are giving our bodies a rest and a cleanse, but we did have appointments to get hair cuts. So, we packed a couple thermoses full of juice and our bottles of water and headed out.

During our appointment we talked with our friend and hair stylist, Lori, about our juicing plans. She and her husband used to own a juice and smoothie bar and she talked to us about the benefits of doing a combo cleanse of juices and smoothies. Our eyes widened and our ears perked right up. The juices have all the nutrients we need and will quickly go into our blood for awesome cleaning purposes, but the fiber in the smoothies will help eliminate those toxins. Yippee!!! Plus the fiber sticks with you longer which equals less hungry feelings.

So, headed straight to the grocery store after hair cuts. It was about 3 o'clock in the afternoon and we had consumed 3, 14-16 oz glasses of juice, approximately 3 cups of green tea and quite a bit of water. Usually by that time I've eaten breakfast, lunch and two snacks. I was hungry!!! It wasn't too bad and by that I mean very tolerable, UNTIL,... I stepped into that grocery store. New Seasons NEVER smelled so good. We both noticed it immediately and agreed we needed to get our smoothie ingredients and get the hell out of there.

Once we were in the produce department gathering our things, my nostrils flared out and I spun around quickly to survey the area. I looked over at Keri and I said, Do you smell chips and salsa? She did!!! I said we need to get out of here I'm ready to break this cleanse on that sample of chips and salsa over there. She quickly agreed.

The chips and salsa sample table was probably 3 to 4 isles away from the produce section, so that tells me my Spidey senses were on. On our way home, I asked Keri if she wanted to stop somewhere and have chips and salsa. She turned her head slowly towards me and gave me that, what the hell are you talking about look, and replied, Of course I do, but we are not breaking this cleanse. Silence followed as we proceeded home and then a quite little uttering from Keri, accompanied by a cute little sideways grin, unless you want to,... We laughed. We did not break our cleanse, even though we both really wanted to.

I said to Keri, we can go home and make a juice or we can make a smoothie. Which do you wanna do? She laughed and said, I thought for a split second you were going to say we could go home and make a juice or we could go and have chips and salsa. We went home and made a smoothie, but it took the will power of both of us together to keep our car on the road to home.

When we got home I turned on some classic rock and started to unload the groceries. I told Keri I'd make the smoothie and when she got back in the house I said we need to change this music, it's making me want a beer. I think the song that was on was .38 Special's Hold on Loosely. Doesn't that just make you think bar, beer, chips and salsa? I had barely gotten past the chips and salsa temptation and was ready to pop open a beer. So, we jumped on the tv and found a documentary called, Food Matters. Awesome motivator.

If you have not seen this film, I highly recommend it. It set Keri and I right back on track. We are recommitted to putting ONLY good things in our bodies. We are very excited about our new commitment and very excited about the health this is on its way. We are not saying that we will never eat or drink things that aren't good for us, but we are saying that the majority of the time that is what we are committed to because we are for the majority of the time wanting to feel good. We all know that you are what you eat. So, what are you going to eat????

Let the cleanse begin,....

I am getting very excited about the juice fast we're getting ready to start. We will juice for two days, nothing but freshly juiced fruits and vegetables. Then we will do 30 days of clean eating, We will cut out everything but fruit, vegetables, nuts and beans. Yes, we will cut out coffee, sugar, alcohol and my favorite bread and butter. That means no pizza and NO BEER!!!

We have done this type of thing before and have an idea of how it will go. We will have ups and downs, just like anything else, but it will be great to cleanse our bodies of crap that has accumulated in there. We usually eat pretty healthy, but we do have our share of alcohol and sweeties. I usually tend to lean towards salty type cravings. Juicing celery will help with that a great deal.

I will report back after the juice cleanse.

Don't play with Poison

There are two songs that remind me of a relationship in my past that are super sad, I don't wanna cry, by Mariah Carey and I can't make you love me, by Bonnie Raitt. Whenever one of these songs comes on, you'd think that I'd be quick to change it, because of the sadness both of those songs evoke, but actually what I do instead is I sit and listen.

I listen to the words and remember how completely lost I felt back then. I can actually feel the emptiness in my heart when I listen to Bonnie Raitt sing those words, I can't make you love me if you don't, you can't make your heart feel something it won't.

Upon reflection, it wasn't so much a heartbreak because that person couldn't love me, it was because deep down inside, I knew the song was more about me than anyone else. I could NOT make myself feel something that I didn't feel. I was never in love with that man and it broke my heart trying to be something to someone that I was never going to be. It was extremely difficult to keep trying so hard and getting slaps in the face at my attempts. I don't believe he ever loved me either, but the most sad part about it was that I didn't love me. It was a very dark time. I didn't want to cry anymore. Every moment we were together it was breaking the real me down. I could feel my heart crumbling into a pile of ash.

So, why do I sit and listen to these songs? Why do I drudge up such feelings of anguish? Well, to be perfectly honest, I don't drudge up all those feelings every time I listen to those songs, but I do listen to those songs. I drudged up those feelings now, for the purpose of shedding light on the depth of my despair at the time.

So getting back to answering the question, why do I listen to those songs. Well I'll tell you, I listen to those songs to honor my path. I listen to those songs to acknowledge the growth that I have achieved over the years. When I listen to those songs, it is like opening a box of poison. I can look at the poison and reflect on how that poison affected me, but I don't get the poison out and play with it. I just open the box and peek inside. I remember how I used to feel and then I close the box and with a HUGE sigh of relief, I express gratitude for realizing that I did love myself. I loved myself enough to get out of that horrible situation and I love myself enough to continue on my path of discovery. I wouldn't be the person I am today had I not gone through those awful times and I am extremely grateful to be beyond those dark dark feelings.

Happy, so happy to be in the light.

Happy New Year!!!!!

Happy New year Apozitude readers!!!! We are one month away from our 6 month anniversary. Thank you so much for your support and I will do my best to keep the positive, funny and touching stories flowing into your inboxes. May 2014 bring you all the best of everything!!! Much love, Angel