Did you know that I can be a bitch?

Have you ever found yourself resenting someone for the way they "made" you feel? I know the feeling. It kinda feels like, I can NOT believe you just said or did what you just said or did. Don't you know that when you say or do that, it hurts my feelings?

Well, guess what! When we do that we are giving others way too much power as we focus our attention on the way others choose to behave. We have ABSOLUTELY no control over the way others act/react or speak. What we do have control over is our own minds. Our own behavior. Our own words. I suggest slowing your breathing down and focus on breathing from your belly.

I am learning that I tend to shut down when I get in a situation of conflict. My heart starts racing and my blood flows quickly to my heart hindering words to form in my brain. I have been practicing this belly breathing when presented with a situation of conflict and have found that paying attention to my breath keeps my heart rate down and oxygen flowing to my brain. Oxygen in my brain helps me to clearly articulate my feelings. Yes, even feelings that could possible create conflict.

I have for YEARS been paralyzed in situations of conflict and I have gone to great lengths to avoid conflict because I have hated that feeling of not knowing what to say and not knowing how I felt. I have unconsciously shrugged my shoulders in doubt of knowing how I truly felt. This insecure doubt has created resentment and that resentment turns a passive people-pleasing person, such as myself, into an aggressive angry bitch. I do not like that reaction at all. It goes against everything I believe in.

I believe in clarity. I believe in communication. I believe in being fair. I believe in love and mutual respect. I believe in peace. An aggressive angry bitch, which most of you have never seen in me, goes against all of those beliefs.

I am very grateful to be learning methods for getting beyond feelings of insecurity. I am grateful to be leaving the end of the spectrum that is weighed heavy with passivity. Grateful to be moving towards assertiveness, rather than jumping right over it into aggression.

I am taking responsibility for my happiness and my sense of feeling fulfilled. I am a confident grown woman that can calmly use her words to get her needs met. I am happy to be open to growth. I am eager to go where ever I need to go emotionally, no matter how uncomfortable it may be, to continue on this path of growth and happiness. I believe it is much less scary that I ever thought it would be.

Happy to me and happy to be moving beyond feelings of resentment.