Lucid Dream

Wow!!! You wanna talk about a 180? I've got one for you. About three weeks ago I had a very very emotional day. I even wrote about it briefly in my, To cleanse or not to cleanse, blog. I wrote about an emotional breaking point on the 7th day of our cleanse where I cried for several hours. I never did clarify in that blog what all that crying was about. You wanna know? Alright, I'll tell you. All that crying was related to the lack of communication that had been occurring between my son and I. I was feeling a sense of grief, as if I had lost him. It kinda felt like I did. There was just about zero communication and it seemed like he had vanished into the great abyss. Through my tear induced blurred vision, I sent him a text that day telling him I loved him very much and really missed him. I hoped he would always know that I would always love him. Shortly after that, via text, he gave me the best momma ever award accompanied with a drum roll. Yes, it made me cry some more. Tears of joy, my dad would always say. Every time I say, tears of joy, I hear my dads voice in my mind.

After he sent me the best momma ever award, we actually managed to get in contact with each other. We had a wonderful conversation and he was on his way to get his hair cut. He asked me if I wanted to talk to his girlfriend while he was getting his hair cut. I was over joyed. Of course!!! I'd love to talk to your girlfriend. We hit it off right away. She is a real sweet heart. I've already nick named her Sunshine Girl.

The communication has continued and he has been texting me and calling me. I've had a few text conversations with Sunshine Girl too and the contact has been so refreshing. I just got off the phone with Garrison a few minutes ago and we had an amazing conversation. He called and I missed his call, so I sent him a text, "Sorry I missed you. Just wanting to chat?" His response was shocking, "I'm running into some resistance & wanted to talk to you about it". Wow! kid are you trying to blow your mommas mind? Cuz you just did!!! We talked about 25 minutes and he told me about his frustrations with school and a situation with his girlfriend that by the time we were able to connect and talk about it, he had pretty much worked through most of it by himself with the some help from his girlfriend. I could not be more pleased.

He thanked me for being available and open to talking to him about his frustrations and I said, "Like wise" in kind of a bewildered state of amazement wondering where the hell my kid had been all this time. Apparently, he claims, there for a little while he couldn't find his way out of a paper bag, until he realized the paper bag didn't even exist. I told him it filled my heart with joy to be in contact with him again and it sorta felt like a dream that we were out of contact with each other for so long. He asked me if I had heard the line from one of Edgar Allen Poe's poems, Is all that we see or seem, But a dream within a dream? He commented further that life is sometimes like a lucid dream that we just need to wake ourselves from, now and then.

Well, I certainly am grateful to have been awoken from that previous sad dream of loss and am very very grateful for the current realm of articulate expression of feelings, frustrations and break throughs. Grateful to be positively focused and real fuckin' relieved to be in contact with my thriving, living on purpose son.