The saving grace of my high school days

When I was a freshman in high school, my mom provided me an opportunity to attend a public school in Mustang Oklahoma. I had attended a private school from preschool through the 8th grade and I thought I might like the change. I went to Mustang High for maybe,... two days. On the second day I heard the song, Who's going to drive you home, by the Cars and I wondered, who IS going to drive me home?

I knew zero people at Mustang High school. I wanted to go to Bishop McGuiness, the school that all my friends from grade school and middle school were going to be attending. I knew they would drive me home, metaphorically. I told my mom I wanted to go to McGuiness. I had grown up with those friends and had spent 10 years of my youth with them. I was 14, so those kids were my life long friends. I knew they would be there for me. When I told my mom how I felt and that I wanted to change schools, she made it happen. That's NOT the only reason I call her Sherron "get it done" Zamudio, but that's another story for another time.

Isn't it funny how you find out sometimes people are not who you had hoped they would be and when that happens it sticks with you. I ended up going to Bishop McGuiness and guess what. Not a single friend from my youth would even speak to me, unless they were making me the butt of their jokes in front of other people so THEY would fit in better. Some high school kids can be so mean. I didn't know I was gay and any inclination I had I tried so adamantly to refuse, but I guess others suspected and used their suspensions against me. It was very painful. I am ready to let that go.

Breath in.

Breath out.

Let it go.

Hold on to the lesson, let go of the hurt. Remember you have a choice: hold on to the disappointment and allow it to burden you or let it go and set yourself free.

I choose to focus on the friends I made at McGuiness. I am still friends with my 3 prominent friends from my McGuiness days. Jacque, Lori and Susan. I don't think it would have been possible without Facebook though, because we had lost touch for many years. I would periodically try to find them and then one day it just worked. It was a very nice surprise to find them and to chat and get reacquainted, to see their beautiful families and hear about their lives. It's like a wonderful little gift, like the universe was saying, Hey Angel, we're sorry those kids from your younger days were not who you thought they'd be, but here are some friends that will blow your mind and they will be life long friends.

I don't know if they wondered if I was gay or not. If they ever did, they never once made me feel like an outsider because of it. I was the new kid in their little group and they made me feel like I had always been one of them. Looking back on it, I have to admit their friendship was my saving grace. They didn't ever ask me if I was gay and frankly, I am glad they didn't, because I was nowhere near being ready to accept that part of myself. I would have, at that time, denied it to my death and as we know now, such a strong denial would have only confirmed their suspicions.

You know what,.... Once I became friends with this trio, I never once wondered who was going to drive me home. So, from now on when I hear the Cars, Who's going to drive you home, I will smile and think of all the times I knew exactly who that person was going to be. Thank you Jacque, Lori and Susan for taking me in and allowing me to be me without any pressures of having to answer questions I didn't for sure know how to answer for myself AND for driving me home. :)