To teach me to let go and I did. I am grateful for learning that lesson.
The truly sad part of all of that was for Keri and Karen, both robbed of relationships with each other. The even more tragic part of this, now, is that any hope of a chance is gone. Sadly, Karen passed away in August 2012.
Keri got the call from her sister it was time to make the trip. Keri looked at me after explaining the situation and said, I want you to go with me. Which seems like the logical thing, right? But I think the last time I went to one of Keri's family functions prior to this was Thanksgiving 1995. I remember because her grandpa was still alive and he leaned in to me as glanced over to Keri and said, She's a good girl. Take good care of her. I would do anything for my baby.
We walked into Karen's hospital room and with out a beat, as if it were nothing at all Kirsten, Keri's sister, came over to us and hugged Keri and then hugged me. She and her fiancé at the time, now husband, Kelly, rather quickly updated us on Karen's status. It was totally and completely surreal standing there in that hospital room with Keri.
It felt so bizarre to be there in the most fragile moments of this woman's life. I, for so many years, wanted so badly to be in the same room with her to have a chance to know her, love her and hug her and here I was standing there looking at her silently wondering why we couldn't have shared Keri in our lives.
There was a moment when Keri and Kirsten were called out into the hall to talk to the doctor and I was left alone with Karen. I was looking at her and these words just started flowing out of my mouth, "I just want you to know that with every fiber of my being I love your daughter and I am sorry you and I never had a chance to get to know each other, but what ever it was that kept us from knowing each other, I let it go a long time ago. I want you to know peace."
It was the weirdest thing ever having this very personal one sided conversation with this woman I barely knew. These were not my words, there was no way I could have been that poised in that given moment. I was confused and felt like what the hell am I doing here this woman wanted nothing to do with me. Why am I standing here with you right now? I really was just a little bit nervous that she might open her eyes and wonder what the hell I was doing there.
I guess everything does happen for a reason and the reason I was standing there with her all alone was to provide an opportunity for release. Who know's what that moment provided for Karen, but my hope is that for a moment in time the essence of our beings swirled around together, smiled at each other, embraced each other and dissolved all the unknowns, the fears and resistance. All I know is I have peace in my heart and the most wonderful parting gift I have EVER been given.
That made me cry!
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