One, Two, Three! Go for it!!!

Sometimes we find ourselves in a place in our lives when we are looking at what is going on and we slow down long enough to really look at what is going on and we have to ask ourselves, What's in it for me?

We can tolerate toxic relationships for a long time for the sake of a relationship or for the sake of the precieved good and then one day we lift our heads up from the grind stone of dealing with life and it's circumstances and that question comes up again, What's in it for me?

If you find yourself asking yourself this question of a fairly regular basis, my advice would be to develope an exit plan. Don't over think it, count to 3 and do it!

Here's a plan

Ok, so here's the deal. In a challenging situation when you feel stuck and you're trying to make a decision, you have got to decide what's the greater good.

The greater good most often is to make improvements that benefit everyone involved.

How do improvements come?

Changes have to be made. It is imperative to deal with whatever is the cause of the situation and not just the symptoms the situation is causing. It's is not just a matter of putting out fires, it's a matter of finding the fucker that has all the damned matches!!!

Determine what is causing the symptoms.

Ask yourself if you are willing to take matters into your own hands. Are you willing to take the risks necessary to resolve the situation? Are you comfortable making large improvements and taking credit for making decisions? Are you better today than you were yesterday? Are you happy? What's in it for you?

HOWEVER, you can not make improvements on your own in some situations, therefore, you have got to get a 100% by in by everyone involved. So, if you don't have a 100% buy in by all involved, what then?

Exit strategy!

When you're ready,...

Just about every time I talk to someone about my blog, I get the same question. What is Apozitude about? I usually say something along the lines of it being about my life experiences and how having a positive attitude affects me and my life, but recently I gave this explanation to someone and she asked in return, "Is that really all it's about?" She continued, "Correct me if I'm wrong, but I've read your blog and it seems to me it's not just about having a positive attitude, but more about being helpful" I've been giving that idea some thought and I'd have to agree. I don't always have a positive message, but it is my intention to be helpful.

I have a strong desire to be helpful and that is a big contributing factor as to why I write this blog. I was thinking about this concept of being helpful today and it occurred to me that I really do not care how my loved ones receive life changing messages. I simply want them to be exposed to the types of messages that create paradigm shifts in their lives. I want them to feel like they have choices and that they have the power to make decisions. I want them to feel comfortable about making mistakes. I want them to feel the awesomeness of taking risks and feeling success. I want my loved ones to feel love. I want them to know a sense of peace that passes the realm of understanding and I am not attached to the way they receive these messages, meaning it doesn't have to come from me.

The thing about wanting all those things for the people that I love is that I can not want it bad enough for them to receive it. They have to want it, and they have to want it enough to seek it out for themselves. All I can do is want it bad enough to seek it out for myself. I want to be happy. I want to be in a good mood. I want to have a peaceful mind. And guess what! I am happy. I am in a good mood and I do have a peaceful mind.

Whenever you are ready to attain it, it shall be yours as well.

Different stroke for different folks

It really does NOT matter what life brings into your experience. The only thing that matters is how you choose to deal with what is placed in front of you. The right attitude can change a situation from seeming quite grim into a situation that provides complete freedom. It all depends on your attitude and perspective.

Notice, I did not say a positive attitude. You might expect the author of Apozitude to say a positive attitude can make the difference and though that is true for me, that doesn't necessarily mean that is the truth for everyone. It is important to understand what is right for you.

What might be right for me may not be right for you.

A positive attitude for me, can change a gloomy atmosphere into a miniature dance party, even if there is no music what-so-ever and even if I am the only one dancing.

You do what is right for you and I'll do what's right for me.

Please remember

I sure do love you.

It is truly amazing how reality shifts when you change your mind.

Simple living. Grateful, so grateful for what I have.

Mindful Tattoos

Is that a candy corn tattoo on your elbow? I get this question every now and again and it is one of my favorite questions, because the answer is, yes. I have a single candy corn tattooed on each of my elbows. I must really like candy corns, right? No, actually I don't. I'm not a big fan of the sweets and I don't even remember the last time I ate one.

So, why do I have a candy corn tattooed on each of my elbows? Well, what I usually say is, because I'm just that corny, but I always follow-up with the real reason. The real reason is because candy corns were one of my grandma's favorite candy's.

My grandma passed away September 16, 2009 and having her favorite candy tattooed on my elbows keeps her memory alive. I am a real big fan of my grandma and energy never dies. Every time someone asks me about the tats I get to share a little bit about my grandma and that puts a smile on my face and a bit of warmth in my heart.

It really can be that simple

Sitting in my writing chair today and trying to get to a place of still mind enough to begin writing. I've got my head phones on and I am so busy scanning my brain for a point of positive focus that I could not even hear the words streaming into my ears. It took me about 2 and a half minutes to slow my thoughts long enough to realize that Kool and the Gang was on and were singing directly into my ears these exact words: Cherish the love we have, We should cherish the life we live. Cherish the love. Cherish the life.

Search no more. Right?

It is all very simple. Cherish the love. Cherish the life. You get to decide what that means for you.

Will and Grace

The definition of will- the inherent mental power by which a person decides on and initiates action.

The definition of grace- a controled, polite and pleasant way of behaving.

Do you remember that tv show? Will and Grace? I always loved that show. It was funny and one of the first sitcoms to feature two gay men as main characters. It was the first tv series to feature gay characters that ended up in the "must see tv" line up. I haven't really thought about that show for quite some time, but I just started reading Falling into Grace by Adyashanti and yeserday, after I had read a little bit of the book I decided to lay down and rest. I wanted the words I was reading to really sink into my consciousness.

There I was, in the still and quiet, and the words will and grace came to me.

I never really thought about will and grace in this way before, but there it was right there in my consciousness. Some things you can't unsee and now my minds eye is aware that by utilizing my will, I can live my life with grace.

will- the inherent mental power by which a person decides on and initiates action

grace- a controled, polite and pleasant way of behaving

Peace in my heart

Communication is a funny thing. Funny because one string of words could be presented to let's just say three or four different people and every one of those people could and probably would receive very different messages. I guess that's one of the reasons why they say that actions speak louder than words. That doesn't always apply though because there are situations where there are no actions to take.

I was at work the other day and I can't remember the exact situation, but someone said, "Things don't always come across the way you intend." You can be very well intended and put a great deal of thought into a message, but once you release your message out into the world you have no control over how it will be received.

We can make attempts to clarify our intentions, when we are misunderstood. However, sometimes it seems we are not able to get a clear message across, in that case, all we can do is hold on to the knowing we have within ourselves that we were well intended and let go.

A million flickering stars

The topic of inspiration came up the other day. I was listening to someone tell me about the qualities they are looking for in a mate. There were about 5 items on the check off list; ability to pay their own way, independence, reliability, physical attraction and inspires creativity. This was not an in-depth conversation, we were at happy hour and libations were being consumed.

I understand and agree in general with these attributes being desirable in a mate, but I got to thinking about inspiration and I thought it might be a good time to add a little clarification on the subject of inspiration.

If you break inspiration down into its core parts you have "in" and you have "spirit", therefore to look to someone else for your sense of inspiration will keep you on a never-ending and exhausting journey that will fall short every time.

Instead, sit still and quiet with your self. Watch sunlight light up all the beautiful colors of the leaves. Watch a child play and laugh. Watch a dog run across the park. Listen to the wind rustling through the leaves. Watch the birds sway on the branches of trees. Take the time to BE with yourself and search within yourself and there you will find an unlimited amount of inspiration.

Sometimes simply by sitting the soul collects wisdom and inspiration. The more you connect with this still quiet place with yourself, the more your eyes, ears and heart will open up to the inspiration that is swirling all around you like a million stars flickering in the universe.

Compare and despair

Why do we feel so compelled to compare ourselves to others? You have had a very different set of experiences than I have had. We are very different people, so how is it fair to compare ourselves to each other?

I will handle things in a very different way than you will. I does not make one of us wrong, it just makes us different.

Let's embrace our differences and grow together.

Absolute Power

Sometimes I find my self stuck in a rut. Usually that "stuck" feeling is directly associated with incessant thoughts that plague me with heavy feelings of hopelessness, guilt, fear or a myriad of other negative feelings. The truly amazing thing about that last sentence is the word thoughts and I will tell you why.

We as humans have ABSOLUTE power over our thoughts. Stop for a moment and think about this concept. You. have. absolute. power. over. your. thoughts. You may think you don't, but think about a time you've said to yourself, I just can't think about that right now, and what do you do? You change your focus and you move on to something else. Your mind may drift back into those nagging thoughts that bring you down, but time and time again, whether you are aware of it or not you shift your focus to something else, so you can proceed with your day.

You. have. absolute. power. over. your. thoughts.

The next step is to hone that skill of putting thoughts aside. Right now, it may be that your ability to set thoughts aside is like playing catch with yourself. Let's pretend for a moment, you have an imaginary version of yourself and this imaginary version of yourself can hold your nagging thoughts for a bit while your real self can let go of those thoughts long enough to tend to some of your daily tasks. Then your imaginary self gets tired of holding the nagging thoughts, so they pass the thoughts back on to you. You sort of go back and forth tossing these nagging thoughts back and forth and back and forth, wearing you both out in the process. Contemplate the energy it takes to refocus every time you toss off those nagging thoughts.

Now, think about your ability to toss off those nagging thoughts. Imagine you have a coach working with you, observing you, and watching for indications of taking on those thoughts again. Then your coach stops you in the middle of the back and forth game and says, "Hey, real self you know you don't have to reach out and catch those nagging thoughts your imaginary self is tossing back at you." You pause. You look at your imaginary self and refocus without taking the thoughts back. It's kinda like the idea that you can't play tug of war with someone if they don't pick up the other end of the rope. Right?

So, the whole point is to let go. Let go of hopelessness. Let go of guilt. Let go of fear and let go of that which you hold no control over. How do you do this? You focus on what you do have control over and that my friend, is your thoughts.

Remember, you have absolute control over your thoughts. Now, I DARE YOU to try to make ME think of something I don't want to think about. You can't do it, because I have absolute control over what I think about. I choose peace. I choose happiness. I choose love. I choose freedom.

It will wash you're sins away,...

I know I write quite a bit about how much I love my wife, but she is hilarious. We always have so much fun together. I'm not by any means saying we have a perfect relationship, but what I can say is, for all of our differences we pretty much have the same core values and we both feel very grateful to have each other.

Last week she really cracked me up. We were just coming out of the grocery store and it was pouring. We had our warm cups of coffee in hand and stood under the canopy for a moment looking at the rain. I said, I'll wait here while you go get the car. Without the slightest hesitation she reply, "Oh come on! You'll be fine, it will wash your sins away."

We laughed all the way to the car in the pouring rain. I have to admit, I do feel cleansed of my sins.

Momma Pie, I love your guts

I had the most amazing conversation with my mom yesterday. We talked about our growth, individual and in our relationship with each other. We shared pictures via text, we laughed, we reflected, and you know what,... we grew a little more.

We have had our trying times for sure especially the decade of my life from about 14 to 24. We resisted each other and we agonised over our relationship. We wanted things from each other we thought we might not be able to have and with diligent effort as individuals we worked on ourselves and on our relationship together.

This was not the first time we talked about her decision to have an only child. I know, as I said to her yesterday, the logic behind her decision and found that I agreed with her logic enough to have an only child myself. It can be a difficult decision, because you want your child to have the very best of everything and you have to decide for yourself what that means to you.

Some people decide that it means having an only child and devoting 100% of their parenting attention to a single child and denying them the opportunity to have a sibling and for others it means dividing their attention amongst multiple children and provide siblings. I realize this is only one perspective on one factor of decisions that are made regarding becoming a parent and everyone has their own reasons for their choices. Whatever we decide for ourselves, we have to come to the realization within ourselves that we simply do the best we can from any given point and move on.

I have yearned for the better part of my life for a sibling. I've said many times that my cousins and very close friends are "kinda" like my siblings, but it is just not the same. I am an only child. I never will have a sibling that shares my mother and my father.

Yesterday during my wonderful conversation with my sweet momma with all the love, devotion, energy and acceptance she pours into me and our relationship I decided to say FUCK IT to that hole in my soul that yearns for a sibling. I am DAMN lucky and very grateful to have such an amazing relationship with my mom. I vowed to her from that conversation forward I would no longer ache for a sibling. I have many things to be grateful for and it seems no matter what yard you're in when you are focusing on what your life lacks the grass will always be greener in the other yard.

[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="300"] This was taken about 6 years ago in Laurelhurst Park. I made arrangements for us to have a photo shoot on one of my moms visits to Portland, she lives in the midwest.[/caption]

My mom and I have a very special relationship. We have a connection that goes beyond the earthly realm. It's difficult to explain, but she knows it's there and so do I and that is all that matters. The grass in my yard with this attitude of gratitude is emerald-green.

Thank you Momma for everything you have done and sacrificed for me. You are the best!!!

What's your moto?

Life is full of little surprises and disruptions that cause shifts in our routine. Sometimes those shifts, bump us out of our comfort zone and we have to deal with life situations from a slightly different perspective.

All we can do in those situations is to deal with it at our best with the set of skills we have at that given time. Hopefully, we grow and our skills of dealing with life's little disruptions expand.

Hindsight is 20/20 and that can provide a point of gratitude. I am grateful for the lessons I have learned and the coping skills I've developed. I am looking forward to more of life's little surprises and disruptions because I am hungry for growth.

I'm going to put my smile on and get out there and grow. Doing my best and forgetting the rest.

Liking my body is good enough for me

You gotta fight for your fitness everyday. Fitness is a constant battle, but it is worth it. - Rachel from Les Mills Combat work out DVDs.

For me it's not really about how I look in my jeans, although I would be lying if I didn't admit it's a very nice perk, but really it's about being healthy and FEELING GOOD. I love the way I feel after a work out. I love the soreness I feel in my muscles. It might be a little weird to some people, but I even like how sweaty I get when I've given it everything I've got. Yes, I also love the way my jeans fit. I feel proud of how hard I work to keep myself fit. Am I in the best shape of my life? HELL NO! BUT!!! I like my body and that is enough for me.

Sometimes when I am challenged by a certain exercise and I feel like I wanna give up, I imagine someone who is going through a difficult time. I imagine that their difficulty will be lessened if I am able to push through. I have held a plank position on elbows longer than I thought possible while contemplating my mother-in law when she was dealing with breast cancer.
I have done way more football conditioning drills than I thought possible, while imagining my son's life would be much easier if I continued. I've done more push ups in an effort to ease frustration in Keri's life. Today, I pushed myself beyond what I would have just for myself, on a rotating push up/side plank exercise for my niece, Audra and the list goes on and on.


There is no denying that exercise is a physical challenge, but WAY before it's a physical challenge, it's a mental one. There have been many days when I just could not get myself out of bed in time to work out, but I finally figured out the key to getting up when the alarm goes off. I ask myself a question in which I know my answer will be, YES!

Do you wanna work out? NO! Ok, let's sleep. FAIL! Do you wanna get up? NO! Ok, let's sleep. FAIL! Do you wanna be fit? YES! OK, get your ass out of bed! Do you wanna feel energetic today? YES! Ok, let's get our work out in this morning. I always feel so good when it's done. I love it!! No, not the work out, the feeling of being done. It is a constant battle, but it IS worth it.

BOOM! There it is!

You never know when you just might make someones day. I was at Trader Joe's the other day and we were in line to check out when I remembered I needed one more thing. I looked at Keri and said, "I'll be right back." Somehow, I was able to go right to the olives and go back before she was even finished checking out.

I placed the forgotten olives on the check out stand and Keri said, "BINGO! That was fast." I said, "Yup! Bingo bongo bango and we're on our way." We shared small talk with the checker and when he was finishing up he thanked me for saying, Bingo, Bongo, Bango, because his father-in-law died recently, but before he did he went through a bad bout of dementia and one of the last things he would repeatedly say was Bingo Bongo Bango. He had fond memories of his father-in-law and he always smiles whenever he hears someone say that phrase.

I don't know about you, but when he shared this story with me, I got cold chills. I'm cheesy that way, but it goes back to what I've said before, when you make someone's day it kinda makes your day too.

I had no idea that those three little words would make his day, but Bingo Bongo, Bango there it was a smile on his face.

Happy Cinco de Mayo!!!!

Cinco de Mayo - Is actually celebrated in parts of Mexico as the Anniversary of the Battle of Puebla in which Mexico defeated the French in 1862. About 2,000 Mexican military men fought against about 6,000 French soldiers until the French retreated, as they lost approximately 1,000 of their men. Mexico celebrated the victory then and still do this day with parades and mariachi bands.

Here in the U.S., we often confuse Cinco de Mayo for Mexico's Independence Day, which is actually celebrated in Mexico on September 16th. I am really happy for Mexico that they have their independence and I'd be happy to add September 16th to my calendar as another day of the year to celebrate.

I love Mexican food and don't really need another reason to drink beer, but I'll take it. :) Honestly, I did download an app just yesterday to help me learn Spanish.

Happy Cinco de Mayo mi amigos and amigas.

Energy goes where attention flows

Take a deep breath and know that there are no mistakes. Everything happens exactly as it is supposed to with lessons and growth that go beyond our current level of comprehension, so with that knowledge, take a deep breath and trust your "knowing" what is right for you.

Today I am focusing my energy on health and placing my trust in the knowing.

The Little Pleasures in Life

Today, my friend John Vega, introduced me to a blog I'd like to follow by Dr. Judith Orloff. John heard Dr. Orloff speak at his church today and was very impressed with her presentation. He introduced me to her as someone that teaches us how to awaken our intuition, deal with energy vampires and transform depression and anxiety. I thought that is right up my alley, so I went and checked it out.

The very first blog I read was entitled Surrender to the Miracle of Love. In the blog Dr. Orloff points out how to identify your soul mate and guess what!!! You got it!!! Keri and I are, in fact, soul mates. It's not like we needed confirmation, but there it was right there in seven bullet points.

- You feel a strong connection, comfort and sense of familiarity.
- There's a physical attraction.
- You share mutual love, commitment and support.
- You "get" each other; you're each other's biggest fans
- You are emotional mirrors and teachers for each other
- You're in synch, even telepathic
- You're willing to work through conflict, compromise and surrender unhealthy patterns to improve the relationship.

I'll take that last bullet point and add that we're willing to, not only improve our relationship, but ourselves as individuals as well. As we have grown over the years it has been a great deal of work, but for the most part we have alot of fun together.

One of the things that we are really grateful for is the fact that we travel so well together. We like similar levels of activity while on vacation, which is pretty much eating and napping, preferablly on a warm sunny beach.

Daily life can be challenging with working on our selves, our relationships and finding the balance that feels comfortable for oursleves and the people who share our lives. Finding a blog like Dr. Orloff's that offers lessons on how to awaken intuition, deal with energy vampires and transform difficult emotions will be a very valuable tool in my tool belt and hopefully will assist in making future vacations even more relaxing. A more peacful life with my soul mate will inevitablly lead to more peacful vacations.

Thank you, John Vega, for sharing.