Momma Pie, I love your guts

I had the most amazing conversation with my mom yesterday. We talked about our growth, individual and in our relationship with each other. We shared pictures via text, we laughed, we reflected, and you know what,... we grew a little more.

We have had our trying times for sure especially the decade of my life from about 14 to 24. We resisted each other and we agonised over our relationship. We wanted things from each other we thought we might not be able to have and with diligent effort as individuals we worked on ourselves and on our relationship together.

This was not the first time we talked about her decision to have an only child. I know, as I said to her yesterday, the logic behind her decision and found that I agreed with her logic enough to have an only child myself. It can be a difficult decision, because you want your child to have the very best of everything and you have to decide for yourself what that means to you.

Some people decide that it means having an only child and devoting 100% of their parenting attention to a single child and denying them the opportunity to have a sibling and for others it means dividing their attention amongst multiple children and provide siblings. I realize this is only one perspective on one factor of decisions that are made regarding becoming a parent and everyone has their own reasons for their choices. Whatever we decide for ourselves, we have to come to the realization within ourselves that we simply do the best we can from any given point and move on.

I have yearned for the better part of my life for a sibling. I've said many times that my cousins and very close friends are "kinda" like my siblings, but it is just not the same. I am an only child. I never will have a sibling that shares my mother and my father.

Yesterday during my wonderful conversation with my sweet momma with all the love, devotion, energy and acceptance she pours into me and our relationship I decided to say FUCK IT to that hole in my soul that yearns for a sibling. I am DAMN lucky and very grateful to have such an amazing relationship with my mom. I vowed to her from that conversation forward I would no longer ache for a sibling. I have many things to be grateful for and it seems no matter what yard you're in when you are focusing on what your life lacks the grass will always be greener in the other yard.

[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="300"] This was taken about 6 years ago in Laurelhurst Park. I made arrangements for us to have a photo shoot on one of my moms visits to Portland, she lives in the midwest.[/caption]

My mom and I have a very special relationship. We have a connection that goes beyond the earthly realm. It's difficult to explain, but she knows it's there and so do I and that is all that matters. The grass in my yard with this attitude of gratitude is emerald-green.

Thank you Momma for everything you have done and sacrificed for me. You are the best!!!