Changing and yet, some how staying the same

I just want to be clear about this girlie side of myself that I have been exploring. I do love it. I really do, but I have to say it can be really frustrating sometimes, because at 44, it sorta' feels like I should be more practiced at styling my hair and applying make up, which by the way I don't do yet. I bought some make up and I've tried it a couple of times, but it feels very awkward. I don't wanna walk out of the house looking like a three-year old who's been playing with her mommy's make up.

So, I try, every now and again with the eye shadow and then I shake my head at myself in the mirror and remove it. I feel I am doing well to fix my hair and wear a little lipstick. Even that frustrates me sometimes, because my hair,... Ugh, my hair. It's getting longer and I just don't know what I am going to do. Honestly, on the weekend I mostly wear a ball-cap. I've been trying scarves and pins and it just gets to be too much sometimes.

I appreciate the space Keri provides for me to explore. I appreciate her support and her efforts to help me come up with solutions to my hair troubles. She's even purchased some girlie t-shirts for me. She's very sweet. I appreciate her sense of humor when I come home with a 90's hip hop hairdo. I appreciate my best friend, Shanna, helping me transform my awful 70's feathered hair style into a 90's hip hop look. I appreciate her encouraging me to get little flowers painted on my toe nails, which I wouldn't have even thought to do and resisted at first, but now I love it.

What I appreciate most is the love I have around me and the fact that I am loved just the way I am whether I decide make-up is for me or not, I am who I am and no outward appearance is going to change that little factoid.

I find it interesting that as I am writing this and listening to my iTunes on shuffle that, Just the Way You Are by Billy Joel comes on. It is so fitting that I have placed it on repeat, but I think it's important to emphasize that I didn't choose it to begin with, it just came on in a random shuffle. Every single thing happens on purpose. I totally believe it.

I just want someone that I can talk to,
I want you just the way you are.

I said, I love you, and that's forever.
This I promise from the heart.
I couldn't love you any better,
I love you just the way you are.

Thank you. Love abounds.