The reason I say it was Shanna that inspired the change or desire to grow my hair out is because it was her suggestion that I wear a bikini on my vacation to Hawaii a couple years ago. She said to me, "You are one of the hardest working people I know in terms of working out. You should show off your hard work". I quickly dismissed her suggestion because I hadn't worn a two piece bathing suit since WAY before I started having boobs. I mean WAY WAY before and I have photographic proof of my bikini days as a child.
Somehow, I agreed to try on some of Shanna's bikini's, but I was going to do that by myself. I went to her house and she pulled open this drawer of bathing suits and I was a bit in shock at the sheer volume. I have a drawer that has a bathing suit in it. She has a bathing suit drawer. I think I went home with 6 or 8 bikinis to try on, plus some pull over beach dresses and a maxi dress or two.
As I was trying them on, I was a little bit uncomfortable. I was not accustomed to showing so much skin, but I kept trying them on and gradually I became more comfortable. I would try one on and take a picture and text it to her, "Is this how this is supposed to fit", I would ask. She, I am sure, was cracking up. She reassured me and I finally decided I would take a bikini on my vacation. In fact, I took multiple bikinis with me to Hawaii, yes, you read that right, I took more than one. I have never in my life taken more than one bathing suit on vacation before, but I did that time and every time since. LOL
You know what? It really gave my self esteem a boost. It's kinda hard to describe, but I finally got to a point of being comfortable enough with myself and who I really am that I could wear a bikini. I guess it's sort of a process of self acceptance that I never knew before. I missed out on all the exploration of being girlie for my own sake, because all the years that I presented myself as a "normal" girl, which I even hate to use THAT word. Let's change it then. All the years I presented myself as a straight girl I was doing it to disguise myself to hide who I really was on the inside.
Now, when I wear my hair longer, wear a dress or more feminine clothes it's because I like the way it makes me feel. Does that make any sense? I enjoy feeling cute. I like feeling flirty. I like being a girl. I guess by now I should say, I enjoy being a woman. I'm still exploring and finding ways to express my girlie self, but I am enjoying the process.

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