Turns Out, Misunderstood is Not So Bad

Do you know that song, Leader of the Band, by Dan Fogelberg? I love that song. It always reminds me of a time when I was younger. I was in middle school and my favorite teacher was, Mrs. Kellert. She taught one of my all time favorite classes. Any guesses as to what that class might have been? I heard some guesses. Yes, I did really enjoy my art classes, but that's not the one I'm thinking. Oh, yes, I loved P.E. too, but ,Leader of the Band, reminds me of my creative writing class.

One of the reasons I loved that class was because some of our homework was to keep a journal, which by the way I was already doing on my own. I also really loved it because Mrs. Kellert would often write back in the journal. It was like having a journal that gave advise on all the things I wrote about. I loved it!! It felt like Mrs. Kellert and I were connected and that she understood me. I felt special in her class.

Another reason I loved that class so much was because it was a class that was easy for me. Most of the classes at that time in my life, I was pulling a C or a D, even a F in some classes. So, to have a class I enjoyed AND was making an A in was all good.

Until one assignment came along. I don't even remember what the objective of the assignment was, but we were to choose a song and write about it. I picked Leader of the Band. I wrote out what I thought Mrs. Kellert wanted and I felt like I had an ace in the bag.

With a great big smile on my face I reached out to receive my homework paper back and to my surprise I did not ace that homework assignment. A little red frowny face was drawn on my homework with a little red "F" and the comment that haunts my brain to this day, "I don't think you understood the assignment".

Oh man! I was crushed. I thought she understood me. I thought we were connected. I thought I understood the assignment perfectly. This "F" clearly indicated on this particular assignment, that was not the case. I was truly bummed out.

I must have gotten over it, because I remember being in contact with Mrs. Kellert even after high school. I don't remember what my final grade was in that class, but I do remember how Mrs. Kellert made me feel special.

It just goes to show that saying is true, People may not remember what you do, but they will always remember how you made them feel. Thank you, Mrs. Kellert, where ever you are. You'd be proud, I'm still writing.

Yes, it's true,...

Being a "Pen Freak", yes, I'm an admitted pen freak, the one thing I miss about writing this blog, is the feeling of a good pen in my hand gliding across a blank page. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE WRITING THIS BLOG!!!! I really do!!! But I do miss the smell of ink and the feel of a good medium ball point on a semi-thick stack of good paper. I love the feel of a fountain pen on good cotton paper. In either case, I love the way the paper curls up once I have filled it up with my words of passion. I love the way passion filled paper feels in my hands, as I tap several pages together on the table to straighten them up. If you know this feeling, you are probably a pen freak too.

You know who you are, you find a way to walk down the pen isle at the grocery store, you know right where a "good" paper store is, you claim pens as your own the second you write with them, you write with the pen, if you can, before you buy it, you probably have enough pens to last you two or three lifetimes and you still are on the look out for a good pen, you respect ownership of a good pen and you NEVER just walk off with one you like, BUT you are willing to ask if you can have it. Yes, I know you. You are me.

I have certain pens for certain things. Wow!!! Am I really sharing these details? Yes! Yes, I am. These are the details that make me who I am and if I keep them hidden, then how will I know that I am loved for my WHOLE self? It can be kinda scary, because it feels bare and vulnerable to put your whole self out there. Ok, maybe not this particular detail, but there are details that trigger doubt. What if I'm rejected? Well, fuck it!!! Who wants to be only a little bit themselves? I want to be my whole true self!!!!

Does that mean I have to expose my whole true self? Well, no! UNLESS, my whole true self includes being an exhibitionist. Some things ARE private, but I think it's safe to put it out there that I have a certain type of pen I like to use when I write on post cards to send to my mom. I have a different kind of pen I like to use when I write in my journal, and when I write a check, a different one. Yes, I still write checks, not very much, but I do.

One thing about being a pen freak is I think it's important to keep the art of actual letter writing alive. I love to send cards and letters. I have a ritual that includes placing a wax seal on the outside of the envelope. It makes it feel special to me. Receiving a handwritten letter in the mail these days is a rarity and then to flip over the envelope to open it and find a wax seal,...WOW!!! I hope that when anyone receives something like that from me that they feel special, because that is exactly what I am intending.

I guess it's kinda cool in a way to be a pen freak. A pen freak cares. This is who I am and I will proudly stand here with my freak flag flapping in the breeze to let it be known across the land that #1- I am a pen freak and #2 - I care! Not necessarily in that order.

Do you fly your freak flag? I know you have one, everybody does.