Who's got their safety socks???

Four years ago this month I was freed of the annoying torture of having a uterus and all the delightful monthly experiences that go along with having such an organ. Yippee!!! In my particular case having a uterus also involved having a 500 gram fibroid and just for the sake of perspective the average healthy uterus is 60 - 80 grams. That's a difference of almost a pound, which equates to being about 6 months pregnant, except in my case it was for about 10 years. NO WONDER my back was killing me and hasn't quite recuperated. Geez!!!!

The other thing that went along with that experience was the topic discussed in my blog, No, not proud moments, which if you haven't read is about a little pee pee problem known in the medical field as stress incontinence, but more importantly, known to me as fuckin' annoying.

I am bringing this up again because I was reminded of a funny story that I thought you might enjoy. Yes, it will be at my expense, but this is how much I care about you having a little smile on your face today.

When I went to discuss the options for treating my fibroid rich uterus with my gynecologist I thought I might as well bring up the little pee pee problem I was having. I thought, Hey if you're going to be in my neighborhood you might as well take care of all the improvements needed. Right? and yes, I just referred to my nether region as my neighborhood. I never have before and I'm not sure why I did just now, but I'm going with it.

Well,... options were discussed and I did, sincerely, appreciate the broad spectrum of options. Regarding my uterus I was just ready to get rid of it and my doctor could tell, however I was open to a less invasive option regarding the pee pee issue. So, we talked about physical therapy. Hmmm,.. Physical therapy, huh? I was thinking Kegel exercises were in my future for sure. Ok, no problem, so I got in touch with the PT office my doctor recommended and scheduled an appointment.

The PT specialist that deals with this pee pee problem called me back and introduced herself and told me the muscle group responsible for this issue was the pelvic floor. Ever heard of it? I hadn't!

I was just sitting there listening to her describe how these muscles work and what happens when they don't work or in my situation over work, shaking my head yes like I was understanding and then she says, Alright then let's get started. I could feel my eyes widen a bit in curiosity and my head shift a little, kinda like the response you get from a dog when you ask them a question. Let's get started?

She got out a sheet and asked me to disrobe from the waste down, but I could leave my socks on. Then instructed me to get on the table on my back with my knees up and she would return. I did what she asked and as I laid there waiting for her to return I couldn't help but wonder, what the hell kind of comfort are my socks going to provide my completely naked neighborhood??? And why is my neighborhood completely naked? What kind of physical therapy is this?

I heard a knock at the door followed by the questions, Are you ready? May I come in? I paused for a minute because I wasn't sure if I was ready or not but, I was there, I did choose this less invasive option and I did have my safety socks on. So, I granted the access she requested. Little did I know what this access was granting her.

The only way to trigger the pelvic floor is through your vagina. Oh yeah, my eyes widened like what the fuck? I'm thinking, Am I going to trigger my pelvic floor right here in front of you? Oh no she's going to do it for me. What??? All of a sudden this did NOT seem like the least invasive option. I'm trying to breath and keep my cool. I have to admit it took a bit of effort.

If you are wondering, YES, she had her fingers in my neighborhood and yes, she was sportin' a latex suit. The therapy consisted of her pressing against my pelvic floor in a clockwise circle in the 12, 3, 6 and 9 o'clock positions and then in a counter clockwise circle. My job? My job was to relax my pelvic floor. RELAX? my pelvic floor?

#1- I just learned about my pelvic floor 15 minutes ago #2- According to you it's chronically flexed, causing the pee pee problem and #3 YOU- (person that I just met 15 minutes ago) HAVE YOUR fingers IN MY VAGINA!!! How the hell am I supposed to relax anything??? I went back three times.

I'm not saying I enjoyed it, I didn't. I understand that it kinda seems like I did, but I was just being a compliant patient. I wish I could report that the PT worked, but it didn't. It might have something to do with the fact that though I was compliment in attending my appointments, I wasn't that great at continuing the exercises exactly the way she recommended.

Even though the PT wasn't successful, I have no regrets. Some experiences result in positive memories and positive solutions. Then there are the experiences that result in a lesson that you can look back on and laugh. Just don't pee pee yourself when you do laugh.