Things Can Change

I can't make you love me - Bonnie Raitt. I can't make you love me if you don't. You can't make your heart feel something it won't. Here in the dark in these final hours. I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power, but you won't. 'Cuz I can't make you love me if you don't. I'll close my eyes, then I won't see the love you don't feel when you're holding me. Morning will come and I'll do what's right, but give me 'til then to give up this fight. And I will give up this fight. 'Cuz I can't make you love me if you don't.

When I hear this song I always take a moment to listen and remember how real these feelings were to me at one time in my life. I do love the piano and the deep emotion in her voice that is so real it's palpable. I was in a relationship in the past that made me feel so sad, empty and unloved that I wanted to die. You may be wondering why I take time to listen to a song that brings up such a dark place in my life. I guess I'd have to say remembering those days and that relationship makes today and what I have now feel so much sweeter. I much prefer the feelings of sweet love and gratitude I feel now in comparison to the dreadfully sad and lonely feelings of the past.

The past is the past and I can't change it. I've thought many times how I would love to change what I experienced back then, but I've come to terms with it. I have decided I wouldn't want to change it if I could because even though it was a horribly depressing time of my life and there were times I thought I might not survive it, when I look back I can remember bright shiny spots that helped me get through it. Besides, I wouldn't be the person I am today had I not gone through all of that stuff. It was pretty shitty stuff, but I am grateful.

What I have come to know is that I can't make anyone love me, but what I can do is love myself. I feel now that I do love myself. I can tell because I enjoy doing things for myself, such as meditation, soaking in an Epsom salt bath, coating myself in coconut oil everyday after my shower, working out and eating healthy. It seems too that all the wonderful people in my life choose to love me too. I am so grateful for the tremendous shift in my life. I give love and I receive love. It started with me and wanting a better life for myself.

The end of, I can't make you love me, when the piano has a lighter trickling off feels like it might have been a premonition from the past, a sign to me of the love that was to come. My hope in sharing this dark part of my life and the transformation that occurred is that someone in their own dark place may stumble across this blog and in reading this feels a flicker of hope that change is possible for them. We all have the power to make a change.