The most wonderful parting gift Part 3 of 3

As we lived our lives those last days of Karen's life we experienced a very broad spectrum of feelings. We spent time with each other, with Kirsten and Kelly and with their Aunt Linda. We shared laughs, love and tears.

There were some very tough decisions to be made. There were very tough emotions to get past. For me, I had lived a very separate life from Keri's family and there was a feeling of estrangement to get beyond. When Kirsten came up to us as we entered the hospital room and hugged Keri and then me, I took that as an invitation to BE A PART of something I wanted for so long. I set down my shit and took her up on that invitation and from that point on I was all in. I said to myself, Self this is your chance. I opened my heart and let divine energy guide me.

That energy guided me to that moment when I had some alone time with Karen. That divine energy guided me to provide comfort when I could, to provide space for feelings when I felt like rushing in, to provide hugs, strength to deal with things that were beyond my realm of comfort and things that were beyond my range of "human only" reactions.

Keri and Kristin's parents had been divorced since Keri was in college and neither one were in no position emotionally to deal with contacting their father. The very first words I ever spoke to the man were, "Hi. This is Angel and I hate for these to be the first words I speak to you, but Karen has passed away. We will be in touch with information about a ceremony".

What this experience taught me was that there is no gap that love can not fill.

In a matter of days I went from not really knowing Keri's family at all to having a sister-in-law that I love dearly, three beautiful nieces, a kick ass brother-in-law to be, another Aunt Linda and a couple of GOOOOD lookin' cousins with beautiful families.

I absolutely love my wife. I absolutely love my life. I love the chances we get and the rewards we are given when we live our lives on purpose and with an undeniable sense of love. None of this would've been possible if it weren't for a million sets of circumstances that led all of our lives to that point in time and I just want to take this moment to say Thank you to Karen for the most wonderful parting gift.

Not for wussies,...

OK, divine guidance I am open to receiving your message of clarity. I have been walking around in the dark with my arms extended to feel my way around and I am ready to see some light. I end up getting hurt when I walk around in the dark. I bump into things, get knocked in the shin, stub my toe, bump my head and it makes me cry. I am tired of getting hurt.

I take in a deep breath, close my eyes, let out the deep breath and take another. I open my heart and allow your clarity to flow through me. I am lost and I do not know what to do. I just read a comment on a website called praying women that read when someone feels anger it is a defense mechanism against feeling hurt and at this very moment I can totally identify with that feeling.

I wrote a scathing message to someone about 20 minutes ago with questionable intent. Will I send this message out to this person? Will this angry message benefit the situation? Will it reach the intended person and create the situation I desire? It is quite clear to me now that the answer is no, but that does not mean I know what to do. So, I am asking. I am asking for clarity and I am open to whatever message it is that I receive.

I know that a great deal of what I end up writing about is allowing others to be whatever it is they need to be, but I am confused about my feelings. It feels like allowing this person to be what it is they feel they need to be is hurting me. Damn clarity!! Just as I was typing that, divine clarity, spoke and said, It is hurting you because you are allowing it to hurt you. You can choose to let it go. It feels like when I am letting go that I am allowing someone slip through my fingers into non existence and that makes me very sad. It makes me cry. How long do I let go? Do I just let go forever?



OK, the anger is gone and has been replaced by sadness. I do not want to loose this person. The sadness hurts. It feels like my heart is breaking. I can't stop crying. What would I say to me if I was a friend of mine in this situation? I would say, Does it make you feel good to think about this? No. Is there anything regarding this subject that brings you joy? Not this particular aspect, no. Is there any aspect of this subject that brings you joy? Yes! OK. Do you like to feel this sadness? No. OK, then wipe those tears from your eyes and focus on what brings you joy. Life is too short to sit around crying about things that you can not change. It is what it is, if there is something else you can focus on that makes you feel better then I say do it!!! And do it now, before you waste one more precious second of your life feeling sad.

OK, feeling better. Thank you. You're welcome.