Chat with a Stranger

Well, well,... what do you know? It turns out there's some science behind my mode of operation. I was listening to a video about the multitude of benefits related to meditation on www.scientificamerican.com, when I discovered another video about how talking to strangers makes you happy.

A study was done in Chicago where some commuters on the subway were asked to engage in conversation with strangers, while others were asked to sit silently and keep to themselves. Once these commuters reached their destination they were asked to participate in a survey. The results surprise the participants and revealed that those who engaged in conversation had the most enjoyable experience and those that remained solitary had the least enjoyable experience. Interesting.

A separate group of people who did not participate in the experiment where asked to predict how they would feel in each situation and they surprisingly reported they thought the solitary experience would be better and the number one reason was they, wrongly suspected that strangers would not want to talk with them.

We are social creatures and studies have shown that we enjoy engaging in casual conversation with each other. I am not saying that all people feel this way all the time or that one way is better than the other. All I am saying is I find it interesting. I have done a multitude of similar studies throughout my life time and my findings have been similar. I have a most enjoyable experience when I engage with strangers. I'll admit not 100% of the time because I have encountered a stranger or two who seemed to perceive me talking to them as an intrusion, but I don't let that bother me. I like my friendly self and I enjoy connecting with people.

My feelings are simple and they make me happy. If we are going to be spending time together on an elevator, in a restaurant, in a waiting room, on a train, while you're providing a service to me or whatever the circumstance is, we might as well enjoy the NOW that we get to share together. So, why not be friends even if only for NOW.

You Matter

I think it's pretty easy to state things in a positive manner, but I have been practicing for a very long time. Here's a fine example. I like the way, "Please remember" sounds as opposed to, "Don't forget". Personally, I am more inclined to remember something when it's phrased in this manner. Perhaps it's because, "Please remember" feels like a polite request and a considerate reminder. Where as, "Don't Forget" feels more like a doubting order.

When I meet someone new or learn their name after I've known them for a while and I want to remember their name, I say their name, "Meredith" and then I say, "I will remember your name is Meredith". It really helps me. It is important to me to remember a person's name.

It seems to me when you're able to call someone by their name it creates value in the relationship. It says to someone, "You matter...." and I like cultivating that feeling in people.

I didn't ask if you were on the clock,...

Friendliest store in town? I had my doubts this past weekend. I absolutely could not believe the response we received from an "off the clock" clerk as we were trying to figure out the "make your own peanut butter" device. It literally took me a good 20-30 minutes to shake it.

Keri and I were standing there trying to get some peanut butter out of this device we've never used before and I caught a glimpse of someone I recognized as an employee walking right by and said, Excuse me, but could you show us how this works. His response, Actually, I'm not on the clock yet.



Oh,... ok. What the hell else am I supposed to say? Keri and I paused and looked at each other kinda dumbfounded. I'm sure we looked like we were standing there having a blinking contest because we were so taken aback at his response. It turns out it was a very simple little switch that took us about half a second to discover once it was clarified that we were on our own as far as that jack ass was concerned.

Geez!!! Even if I didn't work there and someone asked me something like that I would have stopped and tried to help. I don't know if he knew how to operate that peanut butter device or not, all I know is he didn't give a shit. WOW! Not really that friendly. Is it a clock-in activated sci-fi thingy they have implanted into their brains? Not sure, but I really needed a positive experience to kick that shitty response out of my realm of consciousness and guess what!!! True to my life, a real positive experience was delivered before I even stepped out of the store.

The clerk that checked our groceries was very friendly and totally erased the previous experience, well not TOTALLY, right? or I wouldn't be writing about it. I did wonder if perhaps the "off the clock" person was having a bad day. Maybe he was and not everyone is made the same so maybe that was the most friendly thing he could come up with given the bad day he was having, poor guy. BUT if that truly is the best you can come up with even if you're not on the clock, don't work at the store that boosts Friendliest store in town. Do you think that when I am having a bad day and I encounter one of my patients outside my office that I'm telling them, Don't talk to me. I'm not at work. Hell no! But there I go again basing my opinion of someone else on my own personal standards. Angel! Stop doing that!

Let it go,...

OK, thank you for reading today and let's all give ourselves and others a break, whadaya say. I know I could use one from time to time.

DMV equals Dreaded Moments Vanquished

Who doesn't dread going to the DMV?

I start dreading it when some sort of correspondence appears in my mail box. You'd think I'd be oh so happy when the letter came congratulating us that we finished paying of our car, but, NO! That letter of congratulations (YIPPEE) also came with an invitation to a party that people want to attend even less than the party at the dental office (BOOO).

It's the DMV party!!!!

Come on down to the DMV. Waste your time waiting forever in a little bit of a panicky sweat because you couldn't understand the form and did the best you could, hoping to hell whatever menial bit of information you left out they can can find in their damned computer. Still waiting and hoping that you brought all the necessary supporting documents. Then your number is finally called and you find out you DO have EVERY thing you need including the $77 its going to cost you to get a piece of paper that reads, Happy and proud owner of your brand new (5years ago) car!!! Except there is one signature missing,.....

FUUUUCK!!! I would be silently screaming in my brain.

But not this time! No sir! Not this time!

My partner and I, we make a pretty powerfully awesome team!!!

Keri took care of ALL the paperwork and me? Well,...I took care of ALL the waiting in line. I did experience some of what I described, but my DMV dreaded moments were completely vanquished.

I sat next to a very friendly lady and we talked about her "new to her" trailer and the permit she needed. The camping she and her husband were planning. We talked about signatures needed on forms and paying off cars. We talked about her sister and nephew, my son, the boys dads. We talked about growing up in other states and moving to the Portland area. We talked and talked and talked, right past them calling her number, but she caught it in time.

And all of that talking and laughing took all my DMV worries completely away. I felt such relief.

As she was leaving, I was being called up. We bid our friendly good-byes and I approached the teller.

I handed over my "homework" as I called it and waited for her to review it. When she reached for her stamp of approval I gave an exuberant, YES! I can honestly say I gladly handed over the $77 and basically skipped out of there. So happy Keri did all the homework. So happy I didn't get turned away.

Dreaded moments vanquished!!!