Are these the last tears I will cry?

I have been told time and time again that a belief is just a thought that you keep thinking. These words are so fucking frustrating. That is my belief. Why are these words so frustrating to me? BECAUSE if a belief really was "just" a thought that you keep thinking wouldn't changing your beliefs be as easy as changing your mind????

Let's see,... I think I'll have a bowl of ice cream. I love ice cream. Wait. What do I love about ice cream? I love the sweet creamy flavor melting on my tongue. Yummy. What else do I love about ice cream? Just ice cream! Not the waffle cone. Ok, not much else really, because ice cream usually upsets my stomach. Do I really love ice cream? I think I love the way ice cream tastes, but I DO NOT like the way it makes me feel. I know there are alternatives, but this really is just an example.

What is this an example of exactly? This is an example of the concept that I believe I love ice cream. The wonderful experience of eating ice cream is very short compared to the awful long experience of having a stomach ache caused by the short wonderful experience. Is it worth it? NOPE. So, have I changed my mind about the fact that I love ice cream? I sure have because the bigger experience is not something that brings me joy. I believe I don't like ice cream.

I believe defusing self-defeating thoughts is as easy as changing my mind. What belief do you have that does not serve you? I'll share one of mine with you. This self-defeating thought I've been thinking and saying since I was a child. I am sick and tired of feeling this way, so I am going to announce this to the world in an effort to defuse this self defeating belief once and for all.

An only child is a lonely child.

It brings tears to my eyes just to type out those words. I am SO FUCKING TIRED of the feelings those words create in my heart and in my soul. This is the perfect example of a self-defeating thought that I keep thinking that does NOT serve me!!! It does not bring me joy. I am done being a lonely child!!! I am part of a wonderful enormous loving family. I can not say that these are the last tears I will cry over these lonely feelings, BUT I can say that I believe this is the beginning of the end.

I believe I will change my mind in an effort to end this torture. I would much rather focus on the connections that I have that feel loving and supportive. I believe I am surrounded by love. I believe that I LIVE my life on purpose and with great intention to experience real connections. I don't have time in my life for superficiality. If it is not true and genuine I let it go. The perfect song to capture and convey this feeling inside me is sung by Clark Anderson on the Living Out Loud soundtrack titled Give Me Something Real.

Drop the mic. and walk off stage,...

That's just my way

I have had people tell me they think I am deep. Really though, I am just me. I enjoy having real experiences. I love living on purpose and it is a choice I make on a daily basis to live a mindful life. The way I feel about life is, if it isn't real and true, then what's the sense? Being superficial just isn't my style. I don't think superficial is wrong or bad, necessarily, it just isn't the way I like to operate. Superficiality, in my opinion is a coping skill. I am a genuine person and I like me that way.

Sometimes it can be a bit much for people. I understand it can be intense and a little uncomfortable sometimes for someone to look you in the eye and tell you that they love you or that you look amazing. Here's an example- I went to get a mammogram yesterday and when I pulled into the parking lot, there was a woman walking out to her car. We made eye contact and glanced back and forth at each other probably three times. She was wearing a hot pink cardigan sweater with jeans, she had black hair and pink lipstick. Her skin was a sultry olive tone. She was probably in her mid to late fifties.

When I got out of my car she was already in her car, but I took a chance on it. I walked up to her car and she rolled down her window. I said, I just wanted to let you know that color looks amazing on you and I thought you might like to know you look stunning. She smiled real big and said, Thank you and I'm sorry I was starring at you, but I thought you looked like a girlfriend of mine from college, but now that you're standing here I see you are much younger than me. We kinda laughed and I said, Well, I was starring at you too, so I guess we're even. She smiled some more and said, Well you just made my day, so thank you again. I told her to have a great day and we said good bye.

That was about 20 seconds of my day yesterday and it obviously made an impression on me. I love that feeling of making someones day. I love sharing my observations with people that I know are going to make them feel better. It makes me feel better. Who doesn't want to feel better? It was a genuine compliment. It was real and that is just my way.