The Deliciousness of Life Surrounds Me

There is a desire that keeps popping up all throughout history and that desire is to have a time machine. People always want to go back to something that was amazing for them and relive it again or they want to jump into the future and live in a moment they are conjuring up in their minds. Then there's the idea of going back in time and righting a perceived wrong. It's all kinda convoluted really, because none of this is possible. Really though, if you think about it, our imagination is kinda like a time machine, don't you think?

I know that for me there are certain songs that can totally transport me to a moment in the past, but you know what? There really is no going back. You can relive a moment in your life in your mind, but nothing is more real than this red hot minute. There is absolutely nothing you can do to bring the past to your present. Things have changed. You have changed. If you took your right now self back in time it would not be the same because your perspective has changed. You cannot make up for lost time. You cannot force bonding or meaning into something new that doesn't have experience to support the feelings of a bond or meaning. I cannot imagine my past and fill it with siblings, but what I can do is focus my attention on my here and now upon the relationships that feel like siblings in my now. I am so grateful for my relationships with cousins and friends that feel like what I imagine having a sibling would feel like.

I am grateful for the love I have in my life. I am pleased with my relationships. I am happy to be me and I feel like I have finally come to terms with the circumstances of my life and I am happy, really happy with what I have and I am eager for more happy moments to unravel. I love my peaceful moments. I love my quiet time with myself. I love my writing time, drawing time, creative time, social time, laughing time, working time, all the sweet special moments with my adorable wife, tender moments with my dog, conversations with my best friend, cuddle time with babies, laughing with my mom, sharing life experiences with my son and the deliciousness just keeps unfolding.

Are these the last tears I will cry?

I have been told time and time again that a belief is just a thought that you keep thinking. These words are so fucking frustrating. That is my belief. Why are these words so frustrating to me? BECAUSE if a belief really was "just" a thought that you keep thinking wouldn't changing your beliefs be as easy as changing your mind????

Let's see,... I think I'll have a bowl of ice cream. I love ice cream. Wait. What do I love about ice cream? I love the sweet creamy flavor melting on my tongue. Yummy. What else do I love about ice cream? Just ice cream! Not the waffle cone. Ok, not much else really, because ice cream usually upsets my stomach. Do I really love ice cream? I think I love the way ice cream tastes, but I DO NOT like the way it makes me feel. I know there are alternatives, but this really is just an example.

What is this an example of exactly? This is an example of the concept that I believe I love ice cream. The wonderful experience of eating ice cream is very short compared to the awful long experience of having a stomach ache caused by the short wonderful experience. Is it worth it? NOPE. So, have I changed my mind about the fact that I love ice cream? I sure have because the bigger experience is not something that brings me joy. I believe I don't like ice cream.

I believe defusing self-defeating thoughts is as easy as changing my mind. What belief do you have that does not serve you? I'll share one of mine with you. This self-defeating thought I've been thinking and saying since I was a child. I am sick and tired of feeling this way, so I am going to announce this to the world in an effort to defuse this self defeating belief once and for all.

An only child is a lonely child.

It brings tears to my eyes just to type out those words. I am SO FUCKING TIRED of the feelings those words create in my heart and in my soul. This is the perfect example of a self-defeating thought that I keep thinking that does NOT serve me!!! It does not bring me joy. I am done being a lonely child!!! I am part of a wonderful enormous loving family. I can not say that these are the last tears I will cry over these lonely feelings, BUT I can say that I believe this is the beginning of the end.

I believe I will change my mind in an effort to end this torture. I would much rather focus on the connections that I have that feel loving and supportive. I believe I am surrounded by love. I believe that I LIVE my life on purpose and with great intention to experience real connections. I don't have time in my life for superficiality. If it is not true and genuine I let it go. The perfect song to capture and convey this feeling inside me is sung by Clark Anderson on the Living Out Loud soundtrack titled Give Me Something Real.

Drop the mic. and walk off stage,...

Lab work? No thank you.

I worked briefly in a dental lab fabricating the metal framework for partials. I had no training what so ever and they knew that when they hired me. I did have dental assisting experience, but that is WAY different than sitting at a work bench using instruments, wax and alcohol torches to create a cast for metal framework. So, I decided when I started I was going to be open to all criticisms of my creations because I had never in my life worked with these materials and tools before. Guess what! Being open to that criticism actually helped me become a better technician. It was critical that it be done correctly because it was being fabricated to fit inside someone's mouth. Can you imagine how uncomfortable it would be if it was too thick or in the slightest of wrong places.

I believe being open to the critical opinion of my co-worker and instructor is what created the amazing technician in myself. It was not only my opinion that I was an amazing technician, my boss was pretty surprised at how fast I picked up the fine skills of fabricating the framework. In a eight month period I was able to accurately wax up as many cases in a day as my two co-workers that had been doing it for years. I couldn't hang with it though. It was very isolated and lonely for me. Sitting at a work bench plugged into what ever music I had at the time, waxing up partials ALL DAY long, it got to be depressing for me. I need contact with people, so I decided to leave. My boss offered me a manager position on the night shift that would pay more, but I would still be sitting at a bench waxing up partials and then not even getting to see my baby. It wasn't worth it to me and just because you are able to do something well, does not mean that is what you are supposed to do.

You gotta go with what brings you pleasure. Go for it!!! Reach out and grab it!!! I am!!!!