Dude, I'm Half Ginger

Over the weekend my best friend from age 16 posted this meme on her FB page, which is kinda funny because #1 she is a red head and #2 she has been nominated by all those who know her to be an official member of the grammar police.



I commented that we thought Marbles was going to be a red head and that his little eyelashes are red. I almost added that I call him our sweet little ginger. In fact I did type that part out, but then deleted it because I wasn't 100% sure the term "ginger" might not be offensive to her.

Instead, I decided to send her a text to ask her opinion on the term "ginger". This was her reply: "Well, the negative connotation came from a South Park episode, in which the South Park kids were trying to gather up all the ginger kids because they said gingers had no souls. And there are a lot of ginger jokes that are negative, so that’s where that came from. In my experience, most redheads are proud of it and don’t mind being called ginger because they feel their gingerness is rare and unique. I’m a proud ginger and I don’t know one redhead that minds being called ginger. It's very thoughtful of you to ask."

Here is what I responded: "I am happy to hear more and more people of all kinds of differences are turning differences into points of pride. It seems more and more acceptance is being cultivated and diversity of all sorts is being celebrated. I'm proud of my ginger bestie."

I have to share this part of the thread because it's the best part. She also shared this bit: "What’s funny to me is that kids today think “ginger” is like a race. I remember one time when my son was in high school and was in football summer training. He had a lot of bruises on his arms and one of his teammates asked him why he bruised so easily. Her son replied, “Dude, I’m half ginger!” That still cracks me up."

Yes, I said Dangly Ear Rings and Pom Poms

I think it was right about the time that I was 5 years old that I remember liking the feeling of being thought of as a boy. My feelings ran the gamut through my life on this subject. When I was young before I knew what being gay meant, I really liked the idea of being mistaken for a boy. I liked to play out side, climb trees, play sports, and I distinctly remember liking to push the merry-go-round when the girls would pile on for a spin. It seems like I enjoyed making them squeal with joy as I spun them around on that faster faster faster merry-go-round.

I can remember one of my friends from kindergarten telling me when we were a little older, probably 4th or 5th grade that she remembered me from the very first day of kindergarten. She remembered that I was wearing a green pants outfit with what she remembers as cowboy boots. I don't remember having any green pants outfit or cowboy boots, but I remember how I felt when she said she thought I was a boy. Even as a 4th or 5th grader it created this sort of beaming feeling in me from the inside. I think because it felt more like a fit for me at the time than not knowing what my confusing feelings were about having crushes on girls.

What I wonder is how does such a little kid grasp the concept of feeling confused? I guess it has to do with societal constructs. I mean at that time and in that region of the country there were no examples of being gay. I had no point of reference. All the couples I saw were male/female and the only rational thing that made sense to me was that I wanted to be a boy.

Then there was the time in my life when I was desperately tying to create and maintain the facade that I was a "normal" girl and that I liked boys. To prove my point in my social realm, even as young as 7th grade I did things with boys that only girls that liked boys would do. (I feel an apology to my mom would be appropriate right about now. I'm sorry if this is a surprise to you, Mom.)

It wasn't until I was 17 that I actually needed birth control, but I did start messing around as early as 7th grade. It felt awful. I didn't like the way it felt doing it. I didn't like the feeling of rumors being spread about me by my friends, but the confusing part was, I did like the feeling of doubt being removed regarding whether or not I was "normal". It was the weirdest conflicting situation I can ever recall. I am so glad, I mean I can't even tell you how glad I am that those days of confusion are over.

In high school I was on the drill team, which I prefer to call the pom pom squad because we never did ANY choreographed routines with riffles or flags. All the performances we ever did were dance routines with pom poms to music. I even dated a football player. I wore an upper class man's class ring. I wore make up and dangly ear rings. Hell! I did every single thing I thought I could do to divert all attention away from the fact that I had a huge crush on a girl, who just happened to be the captain of the "pom pom" squad.

I simply can not tell you how happy I am now to be the woman that I am. I am a woman that loves her wife. I am so blessed to live in a place and a time that accepts and embraces the love that I have for my wife. It is my sincere desire that all love is accepted and the confusion that I endured will be a distant and unfathomable memory.

Permission Granted

I've noticed lately as I'm focusing on all the positive and wonderful things in life that everything I want is falling right into place. This observation has created a new favorite thing for me to say. Yes, I will share this new thing with you. PLUS, as a bonus I will also grant you permission to use my new favorite thing to say in your daily life, BUT before I do I'm going to share with you what I used to say.

What I used to say and I can't say that I won't ever say it again, it's just that there's been a shift, so I'm saying it less. So, what I used to say is, "It is what it is". I even carved the word IS in stone to make a point. I believe this was the phase of my life in which I was coming to terms with my life and what I had created with a less mindful purpose. I was accepting what I had created for myself. It is what it is.

It's a good phrase for acceptance. I started saying it shortly after my first work conference where we were encouraged to share our vision for our lives as individuals. Checking in with ourselves to see if our mission in life was lining up with the work we were doing. We were instructed to write out our mission statement for our lives. At that point in the conference I realized I didn't have a mission and I was not living my life on purpose. I began to cry, right there in the middle of the conference. I decided right then, I wanted to live a purposeful life. What would my purpose be? I wanted to have a positive affect on others. I didn't know exactly how. I thought, at that time, it would be through my art and at that time my art form was painting.

I followed that path for a while. I had my paintings up in a couple galleries in the Portland area. I displayed several of my dog portraits in Keri's doggie day care and it felt amazing for other people to want to spend their money on my paintings. I sold many paintings and I can't tell you how excited it made me feel. I'd jump around with a zest for life that you often only see from a five year old when they discover they get to do one of their favorite activities. Soon though, I discovered that exhilaration was fleeting. I was becoming disenchanted with the process of creating art and trying to connect with people and have a positive affect on their lives. I still wanted to be a positive force in the world and I wasn't about to give up.

Then one day, my great idea woman suggested, Why don't you write a blog? I had only a slight idea of what a blog was when she made that suggestion. I quickly got acquainted with blogging and here I am a year later still blogging and I don't see an end in sight to the writing. I am inspired everywhere I turn. Every opportunity in my life is a chance at having a positive affect on others. I am the author of Apozitude and "It's only a matter of time" before you will find me on a stage or in front of an audience challenging others to make a shift in their lives.

Yup, that was it. My new favorite thing to say is, "It's only a matter of time". That is exactly when everything happens. Right now and if not, it's only a matter of time. Knowing what you want + getting and staying happy = all your dreams coming true. In the above equation, it's only a matter of time.

The Deliciousness of Life Surrounds Me

There is a desire that keeps popping up all throughout history and that desire is to have a time machine. People always want to go back to something that was amazing for them and relive it again or they want to jump into the future and live in a moment they are conjuring up in their minds. Then there's the idea of going back in time and righting a perceived wrong. It's all kinda convoluted really, because none of this is possible. Really though, if you think about it, our imagination is kinda like a time machine, don't you think?

I know that for me there are certain songs that can totally transport me to a moment in the past, but you know what? There really is no going back. You can relive a moment in your life in your mind, but nothing is more real than this red hot minute. There is absolutely nothing you can do to bring the past to your present. Things have changed. You have changed. If you took your right now self back in time it would not be the same because your perspective has changed. You cannot make up for lost time. You cannot force bonding or meaning into something new that doesn't have experience to support the feelings of a bond or meaning. I cannot imagine my past and fill it with siblings, but what I can do is focus my attention on my here and now upon the relationships that feel like siblings in my now. I am so grateful for my relationships with cousins and friends that feel like what I imagine having a sibling would feel like.

I am grateful for the love I have in my life. I am pleased with my relationships. I am happy to be me and I feel like I have finally come to terms with the circumstances of my life and I am happy, really happy with what I have and I am eager for more happy moments to unravel. I love my peaceful moments. I love my quiet time with myself. I love my writing time, drawing time, creative time, social time, laughing time, working time, all the sweet special moments with my adorable wife, tender moments with my dog, conversations with my best friend, cuddle time with babies, laughing with my mom, sharing life experiences with my son and the deliciousness just keeps unfolding.

Hmmm,... marching for Hate or eating s'mores?

Evolve or dissolve. I wrote those three words in my notes back on January 19th and I've been waiting for the right time to expand upon that concept and I believe the time is right. Why do I believe the time is right? Well, I'll tell you. Two things have happened recently that provide the perfect examples of this concept and I will share them with you now.

You may or may not be aware of a man by the name of Fred Phelps. For those of you that are not aware, Congratulations! Somehow you've gotten to this point in your life without being exposed to the pastor that headed the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka Kansas. A "church" that was adamantly against gay people. In fact, Westboro is known as the GOD HATES FAGS church and this slogan remains as the name of their website. The people of this church picketed gay pride parades and the funerals of soldiers.  The people of this church and the children of Fred Phelps taught their children to hate. It is so heart breaking.


The good news, Fred Phelps passed away March 19th, 2014. The beginning of a chance for this group to dissolve their judgemental hypocritical ways. One less hater.

As for the flip side, I don't know if you have seen the Honey Maid Graham cracker commercials or not, but as of March 10, 2014 they released a #ThisisWholesome campaign in which commercials for their snacks were depicting diversity in the family images, which included a gay couple with a baby, a single father, an interracial family and tattooed parents. I am a gay tattooed parent, so I think it is awesome.

The Honey Maid company received some negative homophobic responses to their wholesome campaign, claiming the gay couples with their children were disgusting, and they were going to boycott Honey Maid. The totally awesome thing about the responses Honey Maid got regarding their new commercials was that they also received positive comments glowing with praise. The positive comments were 10 times the number of negative comments.

YES!!!

Honey Maid not only did not pull the #ThisisWholesome ad campaign they took it one step further and released a video telling their story about how they responded to the positive and negative responses they received. The video was posted on Jezebel.com, so grab a tissue and click the link to see their amazing response. This is a company that has a strong plan to evolve and I support them 100%.

What else can I say? Evolve or dissolve. I'm patient and positively focused.

Love is Love. Ain't nuthin' wrong with that

Equality is not that difficult of a concept to comprehend, yet with all the homophobia that is blasting the news, it seems I may be wrong. Why does anyone care if a boy in Arkansas shares his story in a yearbook? Why does anyone In Arizona care who they are serving breakfast to or who is a patron of their business? Why do the leaders of Russia give a damn? How can any one person claim that they KNOW God hates anyone?

I am so sick of close minded folks saying we need ban the discussion of gay rights and issues for the sake of protecting children. That is BULL SHIT!!!! That is exactly where conversations regarding gay rights and issues need to be discussed, so that all the gay little boys and girls that were simply BORN that way don't feel so fucking confused and totally lost. We should be opening up our minds and our arms and hugging these poor children that have such a challenging time searching for acceptance. The message should be it is totally ok to love who you naturally love.

What is wrong with people that they have something against love?

One leads to another,...

I wrote this little introduction for one of my blog posts on Facebook last week, "We all have the right to be ourselves, even if it doesn't make sense to anyone else." and a very amazing thing happened, I received a text message from my cousin, Jason, that gave me cold chills all up and down my entire body.

So you understand his text let me give you a little back story. He and his wife, Deanna have been married maybe 2 years. I honestly don't remember when they were married, but it was fairly recent. They lived in Midwest City, Oklahoma and Deanna used to live in Ponca City, which is 107 miles from Midwest City. It turns out Deanna was really missing her children and grandchildren. She had to move back to Ponca city to keep her heart happy. Jason felt he needed to stay in Midwest City for his son and probably other reasons too, but I'm not sure. So, this happily married couple decided to live apart for the sake of being true to themselves and what they individually felt was best for them. I asked Jason for his permission to share his response and he said, "Sure thing".

So, here is his text to me, "We all have the right to be ourselves, even if it doesn't make sense to anyone else!! Deanna and I are wearing our wedding rings again. We've gotten to the point that when someone asks us, "What the hell are y'all doing!!??" We agreed we would respond, "It's not for you to understand. These are our lives and we love each other." I didn't marry Deanna with conditions. I love her unconditionally. She feels like she needs to be in Ponca City, I don't love her less. She chooses to stay committed to a man that treats her with respect and will remain faithful, even from a distance. What's so hard to understand?? We just don't try to explain anymore. We have a right to be ourselves and feel the way we feel. Love you, Angel"

I have read and re read that text several times and I get cold chills every single time. I am so happy for these two love birds that they are able to make an arrangement that works for them regardless of what anyone else thinks or believes.

The other thing that came to my mind is that it's not just gay couples or interracial couples that are fighting for their relationships to be accepted. There are all kinds of relationships that don't make a lick of sense to some, but mean the world to someone else.

Not everyone is you, so not every relationship is going to be defined by your standards. You live your life and the rest of us will do the same. We'll even serve you breakfast when you come to our place of work. No questions asked.

Be Well, Produce Lady.

Really? Really produce lady? You're going to stand there spouting off to some customer about your thoughts on murder while handing my future food. I'll thank you kindly to stop putting your negative energy into my sensitive unsuspecting produce.

I do not understand why some people want to dwell on things that make them feel awful. Why? Why? WHY do you want to stand around talking about murder or watch videos of children or animals being abused? That does not make any sense to me. It does not make me feel good and I do not understand this line of thinking or living at all. Although if you asked Keri she might say I was not truth telling. She claims, if I were left alone, she'd come home to find me watching some sad documentary about starving children in Africa.

Well, most of those documentaries show growth and positive change. Or at least provide an opportunity for someone to do something to make a positive change in someones life. I think those stories provide an opportunity for hope.

Maybe there's hope that the produce lady wasn't really spouting off a bunch of negativity. Maybe she was pleading a case for someone that that didn't murder someone. All I know is I know is I heard her say murder, twice. It just kinda shocked me. You are forgiven produce lady. Be well.

Space to BE

I am definitely a connections person. I love talking to people and sharing my experiences and hearing what other people believe and think. That's one of the things I love about Facebook. There are so many friends to make and so many connections. It is amazing.

My wife thinks it's funny when I talk about my friends on Facebook, especially when it's in reference to someone I've never actually met. She's not on Facebook at all, well that's not entirely true, because I have posted pictures of us on my wall, but I can't even tag her because she has no page. Oh well, anyone that knows me, knows that Keri is my baby, my wife and the love of my life. :)

Anyway, I think Facebook is cool because I can have little chats with people I, otherwise, would not even have a chance to meet. I get to see family and friends all over the U.S., watch their kids grow up, make connections with my mom and have funny little chats with friends in and out of town, watch my nieces grow and change and occasionally there are things I see on Facebook that are not my favorite, but I do a pretty good job of ignoring what annoys me. Why focus on something that causes me irritation? Right?

I'm not crazy about political or sports related rants, but I understand people have their opinions and passions. I just choose to ignore those posts and keep my focus on what I enjoy about Facebook. I did have a funny little experience recently when a couple of people posted comments about being sad or letting "tears roll", because I automatically think, Oh my, why are you sad? why are you crying? and in both of those cases it was related to a football game. I have seen videos on FB of people getting completely out of control over a football game and I am not putting these in the same category, I think sometimes people get a little too wrapped up in sports, but there again you have me judging others based on my standards.

[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="300"] Image taken from Facebook[/caption]

Some might think I get too wrapped up in talking about nutrition, my wonderful golden retriever or my sweet little wife. I guess we all just have to learn to tolerate each other's passions and allow every one the space to be exactly who they want to be. Starting NOW!

Starting now! I mean, Starting now.

Equal Rights for ALL

Ok, so a couple months ago I decided I wanted to start incorporating the holidays and days of remembrance into my blog. It occurred to me on Veterans Day. I remember this because I kept having this feeling like I missed an opportunity to honor the service men and women by not writing about it. However, I did just get married the Friday before Veterans day. That was a pretty huge deal in my life and a pretty strong point of focus. I was so happy to be getting married and so excited about telling the world that I didn't even think about the Monday after my wedding day being Veterans Day.

The truth of it IS, is that the very first time I posted a blog about having a wife WAS on Veterans Day, so I did miss that opportunity to honor service men and women on that particular Veterans Day, but by being aware and acknowledging that I missed an opportunity is the perfect example of acceptance, progress, growth and love.

I accept responsibility for myself and the opportunity that I missed and I choose to turn it around. A mistake can turn into a lesson when you love yourself enough to accept yourself as a flawed person. The moment you feel self acceptance your shoulders drop and you begin to breath. As you feel the relief, like the second you let go, you create space in your mind and that space provides a place for positivity to flow in. It feels so amazing to pause,...let go,...and allow the positivity to flow in like an eternally flowing river.

So, in honor of all service men and women of all times, I am grateful for the freedoms I have to #1 have a wife and #2 have the freedom to express my utter joy about it with the world. I appreciate your service and protection.

And in honor of Martin Luther King I am writing about my appreciation for the people of the states that have stepped forward and said, NO!!! to discrimination against their gay brothers and sisters.

What else could these lyrics mean?

Disco lady by Johnnie Taylor, 1976
I Feel love by Donna Summer, 1977

With songs like these filling my ears as a child it is my humble opinion that it would be virtually impossible to grow up and NOT have a dirty mind. These are only two examples! There are hundreds of songs that poured all kinds of sexual images into my sponge of a young mind.

Keep in mind I was born in 1969, so in 76 and 77 I was pretty little and somehow I was keen on the lyrics of Johnnie Taylor's above mentioned song. Disco lady. Shake it up, shake it down, move it in, move it around,...who doesn't know he singing about fuckin'? Right?

I'm just sayin' this exposure to R&B music of the mid 70's may be the root and I don't, for the record, think that having a dirty mind is a bad thing. I think it's for the sake of fun and isn't that what life is all about anyway?

Acceptance sets you free

I choose to allow you to be whatever you need to be in this moment, because when I resist what you are choosing to be, it disconnects my compressor and drains energy from me to fuel the happiness in myself. So, you just go right ahead and do what you feel is best for you and I will do the same.

Love light and happiness

Attitude of gratitude

I have been sitting here trying to write about being Thankful in honor of Thanksgiving day and I have started many times and rewrote and rewrote, because it just didn't seem quite right. I wanted to write something that would reflect the things that have happened in my life over the last year or more, but I couldn't decide what should be mentioned first. I didn't want for one of the things I was thankful for to seem more appreciated by being mentioned first, but how could I list all the things I was grateful for, all at one time, so that one would not seem more important than the next.

Wait a minute,...

I just heard a little voice say, the things you appreciate don't care how you list them, they are not attached to your perception of them. Acceptance does not care if you list it after progress and love does not care if you list it after growth.

That being said, I just want to express my gratitude for all of my family and friends. I am a people person.

Happy Thanksgiving and love to all my peeps!!!

Makes my heart sing

I love having conversations with people and making connections. I love being open to hear whatever someone has to share. I feel this openness in myself provides a sense of ease that allows people to feel very comfortable with me and share things they might not share with anyone else.

I love listening and providing space for people to be whatever it is they need to be. This openness has placed me in a very special position of hearing some very difficult challenges people have experienced in their lives. I feel it is special because they have a sense of trust in me and find themselves sharing things that are scary, hurtful, private and vulnerable. I have no judgement when I am listening. I am just listening and accepting. I love the feeling of relief people experience when they are comfortable enough to share a snap shot of their life and have a loving smile returned to them. The love and acceptance they feel causes them to glow.

I don't have to know all the details of their lives, but when people share these kinds of things with me, I feel I know enough to feel privileged to know them. Sometimes these little episodes of sharing and allowing provide a shift in awareness. Sometimes that little shift can change someone's life.

Feelings of gratitude develop. Witnessing that shift always gives me cold chills all up and down my arms and legs, sometimes even in my face. It's an amazing feeling.

I am so happy to know that even though people experience some heavy challenges that they are open to allowing other people in and sharing what they need to be. People are loving each other and seeing each other with clearer eyes.

It makes my heart sing to see such love.

I can say my numbers

Fourteen, three hundred ninety two.

What? I know, right? What am I trying to say?

Well, I will tell you. In the not so distant past (like, early last week) that was my attempt to say this number, 14,392.

Really? Yes! Really! In the past I was lparalyzed by,... numbers. Yes, math too, but very simply as well, just saying big numbers. I had only one concept of numbers and that was zero. That's kinda funny, two numbers in that last sentence.

Anyway, what's the point? The point is, it is really amazing how someone can get to be my age and not know how to do something as simple as say the cost of a car or the price of a house. I used to tell people I paid 36 for my first house back in Oklahoma in 1990. Number one: OMG!! How can anyone buy a house for 36,000? Number two: what's so weird about that? People say that kind of thing all the time right? I heard someone say they paid 550 for their most recent house and that sounds like someone knows what they are talking about, right? Only I didn't. It could have been 3,600 or 36,000. I had no clue. All I knew was it was 36, and that is how I got by not knowing how to say big numbers.

It is amazing sometimes how people have a weakness in a certain aspect of life and feel totally paralyzed by that one thing and another person can look at that particular thing and have no idea how that simple thing can be so perplexing.

So, when you encounter someone that is totally blowing your mind regarding something that is so freaking simple to YOU, take a moment to consider if there just might be something in your life that simple that trips you up every time, and then consider giving that other person the same kind of break you would appreciate when you are faced with your simple or not so simple little stumbling block.

When we can see our own vulnerability in others, we are much more accepting of their moments of paralysis. How patient are we with ourselves when dealing with our own fears? Shit! I can put up with a lot of stuff, rather than deal with uncomfortable situations, BUT I would rather transcend my moments of paralysis.

Amazing! I know, given this confession about big numbers, but I really do feel like a smart person, but then again when it comes to left and right, that's a whole other ball of wax. Yes, I've had trouble with left and right as well.

I wish you could hear my happy little songs about how, "I know my numbers, I know my numbers" and "to the right, to the right, to the right and now to the left, to the left, to the left". Both, by the way, have little dances to accompany them.

Thank you to Shanna for taking the time to teach me my numbers and to Keri for teaching me that I write with my right and THAT is always the right. I love both of you very much and would do anything I could to help either one of you,... learn your ABC's or teach you north and south, or anything else.

Zombie Zen Master

It is my intention to live my dream of being an inspirational person. This blog is a huge piece of my dream.

Inspiration is my passion and the connections I create when I am inspired make me feel like I am truly living my life on purpose. As Abraham would say, "I am tuned in, tapped in and turned on" by the idea of living my life on fire with purpose.

I see people walking around like Zombies. They think they are living their lives, but they aren't. They are going through the motions of living and merely existing. Existing in one miserable moment until the next. Yearning for the time when they can escape their misery.

I want to shake their little zombie bodies until the heads fall off and then hold their head in my hands, look them square in the eyes and ask them, WHY? Why do you choose misery and suffering when you have a choice? Breathe,....

Then I take a deep breath,...(breathe) and I put down their little imaginary zombie head because I can see they are my zombie zen masters, reminding me to accept.

Acceptance is the key and I am here to make me happy. Oh yeah,... it's beginning to sink in.

I intend to balance this passion for living inspired with the other very important areas of my life such as my personal relationships, my physical fitness and my spiritual connection.

I intend to live on fire with purpose in harmony, health and abundance.