And the Twirling Stops

Well, I gave it my best shot. I tried for 18 months to let my hair grow long. It was frustrating as hell, and not just for me. Ask my wife. It did get pretty long, well pretty long for me. It was taking too much time and energy to style it in the morning and maintain all day. I just got tired of messing with it.

I tried cutting just a couple inches off the back to see if being off my neck would help and it did. A little bit, but it not nearly enough. It was just long enough to blow in my face and not long enough to pull back. Getting the puppy was the clincher. Up in the middle of the night for potty breaks, with no glasses in the dark and the wind was blowing my hair all in my face. I couldn't see if he pooped or not. Did he step in it? Where is it??? OMG, THIS HAIR!!!! The sleep depravation did not help.

THAT'S IT!!!

Life is too short to be this pissed off at my stupid hair! Whew!!! Now,... my hair is too short to be pissed off at all. So nice. So easy. Big huge sigh of relief. I feel like me again.

I am really glad I went through the process of growing out my hair because when I decided to embark on that journey, I thought longer hair would help me feel more girlie. It did in fact take me to a more girlie feeling place in my life.

I felt more expressive, more animated and a little more flirty. It was as if the longer hair and all the business of having longer hair tapped me into a part of myself that had been laying dormant somewhere inside me.

The head flips to get hair out of my face, arms in the air messing with my hair, whether drying, brushing, adding product or twirling. OH MY GOD the twirling!!! Purchasing all those barrettes, pins and scarves were all part of a magical set of keys that unlocked the girlie side of me.

A funny thing I've realized through this process is, the way I FELT before with short hair and dressing androgynously didn't really match at all how I was perceived. Since I've been dipping my toe in the "GIRL WATER" and have been vocal about my process, I have heard from numerous people that they never thought or perceived me as a butch person. I've been told I couldn't be butch if I tried.

Since I've cut my hair, I've had soooo many people tell me that short hair really suits me. Which suits me just fine because it's far less burdensome for me. I feel free. I feel like the pretty little butterfly that I am. Looking back on the process, growing out my hair felt like I was incasing myself in a long haired cocoon. I swear it was because of all that damned twirling and cutting my hair short feels like I've broken free. I've said it before and I'll say it again, You can't tether a butterfly. :)

The cool part is I don't feel they way I used to feel with my hair short again. I still feel expressive, animated and flirty. I feel a confidence within myself that I didn't feel before. So, it seems to me, the confidence was not in the longer hair it was in me, deep within me. I just had to dig it up and now that I've got all that extra time in the morning I can start playing with make-up. YAY!!!

I'm sure Keri is very excited.

Long Haired Butterfly

"Wow! Your hair is getting so long. What inspired this?" someone asked me the other day and do you know what happened next? I opened myself up and shared a little bit more of myself than I am guessing this person originally bargained for, which, if you knew me well, you certainly would not be surprised.

I am an open book and as I shared recently in my blog entitled, It's Got to Be Real, I believe most people are starving for real person to person human experiences. However, now that I've written it out again I think I can say it better. I believe, for the most part, people are starving for a real connection.

When I wrote that brief blog the other day, I wanted to elaborate a bit more on that concept, because what I find is when I share my real self with people they seem to find it refreshing and sort of gravitate to that feeling. They get drawn in to the depth of the honesty. I think it's because when I am being my true self I am connected to something larger than myself.

When I am connected to this, larger than myself entity, I share things on a deeper level than most are accustomed to hearing in a casual encounter, but just because they are not accustomed to it does not mean that it makes them uncomfortable. In fact, the majority of the time when this happens the person I am sharing with thanks me for sharing. It usually comes down to that because I realize I am sharing real, personal things and I'll say something like, "Wow, I'll bet that's more than you bargained for when you asked me that question" and then they share their gratitude with me for sharing.

This was not what I intended to write about when I opened with that, "Your hair is getting so long" comment. Often what I intend to write about is lost in the process of writing because there are so many different directions a single thought can take you and I tend to follow the passion.

The passion, in my mind is the juicy stuff, the connected stuff. The stuff that people really want to read. My intention is to be open and honest for the purpose of expanding joy. My intention is to be connected, happy and free.

I am free as a butterfly. Have you ever tried to tether a butterfly? It just doesn't work. My intention is to expand openness for the purpose of broader perspectives. We are better off for all that we let in.