Training your inner dog

I am a woman. I am a wife. I am a mom. I am a daughter, a friend, a lesbian, a cousin, a niece, a customer, a stranger and on and on,...

Bigger, than all those labels of roles I fill in this time I have chosen to walk this planet, I am an eternal spiritual being. I have been here before and I will be here again. Without the physical body of Angel Zamudio this lifetime will end and I will still exist because I am an Eternal Spiritual Being (ESB). The essence of me, the bundle of energy that makes me who I am will carry on long after Angel Zamudio is gone and that is because I AM. There is no label to define me. I am more than words.

I AM and You are too. What ever it is you are seeking, take a moment and close your eyes. If we really are ESB and we ARE, then every thing we could ever look for outside of ourselves is a limitless path of suffering because everything we could ever need is right there within. It's kind of like getting all worked up and stressed out because you can not find your keys and they were in your pocket the whole time.

The key is to stop the frantic search and look within. The answers, ALL of the answers are right there within you. Stop the frantic search. Stop the constant stream of thoughts. Take some slow deep breaths. Be still and allow the answers to flow.

If you are reading this and feel resistance developing, stop reading and just sit with that resistance. Allow it to be. Ask yourself what am I resisting. Allow the answers to flow to you.

Think of it like training a dog to walk with a loose leash. You begin on your walk and every single time your dog quickens his pace and makes the leash tight (resistance), you stop. Once your dog comes to a complete stop, you begin to walk again. Sometimes it will seem like you will never get through the walk because of how often you have to stop, but once you have trained your dog or your resistance to relax you will have a lifetime of pleasant walks.

It is worth the effort it takes to know the peace and happiness that exists in the realm of no resistance.

Drainers Evicted!!!

We ALL have shit to work through, even the person that you look up to the most and hold in the highest regard has shit to process. It's just part of the deal you sign up for when you decide to walk the earth. You said yes to being human and when you said yes you knew there would be conflict and contrast.

The key ingredient of conflict and contrast is resistance. Resisting what IS,... your imperfections, the imperfections of your situation or the imperfections of someone you love, are in fact the source of your suffering.

Stop doing that!!!

How do you stop? The opposite of stop is start. The opposite of resist is allow. It's simple really,... Stand up and walk out. Get in some open space and feel the glorious freedom.

Start allowing.

We're all dealing with our own SHIT the best way we know how with our current level of awareness. So, just keep in mind how you've felt on a particularly shitty day. Take a moment to consider that someone who was rude or exceptionally reactive to you, could have just had a totally shitty day.

However, there are always exceptions to the rules. If someone is generally over reactive or consistently a source of drama, known as a drainer because they drain your life energy, clarify your expectations. Let your boundaries be known. If the suspected drainer doesn't respect your boundaries, it is up to you to evict them from your life and the sooner the better. Otherwise you are allowing the drainer to remain in your life.

The only person you can be aggravated with in a situation with a drainer, is yourself for allowing them to stay. This is your life. You have permission to decide who is in it.

Lucid Dream

Wow!!! You wanna talk about a 180? I've got one for you. About three weeks ago I had a very very emotional day. I even wrote about it briefly in my, To cleanse or not to cleanse, blog. I wrote about an emotional breaking point on the 7th day of our cleanse where I cried for several hours. I never did clarify in that blog what all that crying was about. You wanna know? Alright, I'll tell you. All that crying was related to the lack of communication that had been occurring between my son and I. I was feeling a sense of grief, as if I had lost him. It kinda felt like I did. There was just about zero communication and it seemed like he had vanished into the great abyss. Through my tear induced blurred vision, I sent him a text that day telling him I loved him very much and really missed him. I hoped he would always know that I would always love him. Shortly after that, via text, he gave me the best momma ever award accompanied with a drum roll. Yes, it made me cry some more. Tears of joy, my dad would always say. Every time I say, tears of joy, I hear my dads voice in my mind.

After he sent me the best momma ever award, we actually managed to get in contact with each other. We had a wonderful conversation and he was on his way to get his hair cut. He asked me if I wanted to talk to his girlfriend while he was getting his hair cut. I was over joyed. Of course!!! I'd love to talk to your girlfriend. We hit it off right away. She is a real sweet heart. I've already nick named her Sunshine Girl.

The communication has continued and he has been texting me and calling me. I've had a few text conversations with Sunshine Girl too and the contact has been so refreshing. I just got off the phone with Garrison a few minutes ago and we had an amazing conversation. He called and I missed his call, so I sent him a text, "Sorry I missed you. Just wanting to chat?" His response was shocking, "I'm running into some resistance & wanted to talk to you about it". Wow! kid are you trying to blow your mommas mind? Cuz you just did!!! We talked about 25 minutes and he told me about his frustrations with school and a situation with his girlfriend that by the time we were able to connect and talk about it, he had pretty much worked through most of it by himself with the some help from his girlfriend. I could not be more pleased.

He thanked me for being available and open to talking to him about his frustrations and I said, "Like wise" in kind of a bewildered state of amazement wondering where the hell my kid had been all this time. Apparently, he claims, there for a little while he couldn't find his way out of a paper bag, until he realized the paper bag didn't even exist. I told him it filled my heart with joy to be in contact with him again and it sorta felt like a dream that we were out of contact with each other for so long. He asked me if I had heard the line from one of Edgar Allen Poe's poems, Is all that we see or seem, But a dream within a dream? He commented further that life is sometimes like a lucid dream that we just need to wake ourselves from, now and then.

Well, I certainly am grateful to have been awoken from that previous sad dream of loss and am very very grateful for the current realm of articulate expression of feelings, frustrations and break throughs. Grateful to be positively focused and real fuckin' relieved to be in contact with my thriving, living on purpose son.