Showing Some Skin

Let's try this again. "Wow! Your hair is getting really long. What inspired this?", someone asked me the other day. I thought for a moment and said, "Honestly, it was Shanna" and really it has been a multitude of things over the years. Slightly adjusting my perspective of myself and coming to terms with how I identify myself and how I represent myself.

The reason I say it was Shanna that inspired the change or desire to grow my hair out is because it was her suggestion that I wear a bikini on my vacation to Hawaii a couple years ago. She said to me, "You are one of the hardest working people I know in terms of working out. You should show off your hard work". I quickly dismissed her suggestion because I hadn't worn a two piece bathing suit since WAY before I started having boobs. I mean WAY WAY before and I have photographic proof of my bikini days as a child.

Somehow, I agreed to try on some of Shanna's bikini's, but I was going to do that by myself. I went to her house and she pulled open this drawer of bathing suits and I was a bit in shock at the sheer volume. I have a drawer that has a bathing suit in it. She has a bathing suit drawer. I think I went home with 6 or 8 bikinis to try on, plus some pull over beach dresses and a maxi dress or two.

As I was trying them on, I was a little bit uncomfortable. I was not accustomed to showing so much skin, but I kept trying them on and gradually I became more comfortable. I would try one on and take a picture and text it to her, "Is this how this is supposed to fit", I would ask. She, I am sure, was cracking up. She reassured me and I finally decided I would take a bikini on my vacation. In fact, I took multiple bikinis with me to Hawaii, yes, you read that right, I took more than one. I have never in my life taken more than one bathing suit on vacation before, but I did that time and every time since. LOL

You know what? It really gave my self esteem a boost. It's kinda hard to describe, but I finally got to a point of being comfortable enough with myself and who I really am that I could wear a bikini. I guess it's sort of a process of self acceptance that I never knew before. I missed out on all the exploration of being girlie for my own sake, because all the years that I presented myself as a "normal" girl, which I even hate to use THAT word. Let's change it then. All the years I presented myself as a straight girl I was doing it to disguise myself to hide who I really was on the inside.

Now, when I wear my hair longer, wear a dress or more feminine clothes it's because I like the way it makes me feel. Does that make any sense? I enjoy feeling cute. I like feeling flirty. I like being a girl. I guess by now I should say, I enjoy being a woman. I'm still exploring and finding ways to express my girlie self, but I am enjoying the process.

Long Haired Butterfly

"Wow! Your hair is getting so long. What inspired this?" someone asked me the other day and do you know what happened next? I opened myself up and shared a little bit more of myself than I am guessing this person originally bargained for, which, if you knew me well, you certainly would not be surprised.

I am an open book and as I shared recently in my blog entitled, It's Got to Be Real, I believe most people are starving for real person to person human experiences. However, now that I've written it out again I think I can say it better. I believe, for the most part, people are starving for a real connection.

When I wrote that brief blog the other day, I wanted to elaborate a bit more on that concept, because what I find is when I share my real self with people they seem to find it refreshing and sort of gravitate to that feeling. They get drawn in to the depth of the honesty. I think it's because when I am being my true self I am connected to something larger than myself.

When I am connected to this, larger than myself entity, I share things on a deeper level than most are accustomed to hearing in a casual encounter, but just because they are not accustomed to it does not mean that it makes them uncomfortable. In fact, the majority of the time when this happens the person I am sharing with thanks me for sharing. It usually comes down to that because I realize I am sharing real, personal things and I'll say something like, "Wow, I'll bet that's more than you bargained for when you asked me that question" and then they share their gratitude with me for sharing.

This was not what I intended to write about when I opened with that, "Your hair is getting so long" comment. Often what I intend to write about is lost in the process of writing because there are so many different directions a single thought can take you and I tend to follow the passion.

The passion, in my mind is the juicy stuff, the connected stuff. The stuff that people really want to read. My intention is to be open and honest for the purpose of expanding joy. My intention is to be connected, happy and free.

I am free as a butterfly. Have you ever tried to tether a butterfly? It just doesn't work. My intention is to expand openness for the purpose of broader perspectives. We are better off for all that we let in.

It's Got To Be Real

You know what I think? Well, you know me,... I'm gonna tell ya'.

I think in this hustle and hurry world, people, most people, are STARVING for a real person to person human experience.

It's not that hard to do, just take a moment and be real. Share yourself, your true self with someone and you know what? I bet they'll really dig it.

The Happiness Formula

There are three things you need in life to be happy. In no particular order I present the formula for a happy life. 1- Someone to love. 2- Something to do. and 3- Something to anticipate. It is a very simple formula and even more simple than some may think.

Some may say, "I am all alone. I don't have someone to love", but that is never true because we always have ourselves. It can be easy to forget sometimes when we are focused outwardly, but when we take a moment to slow down, take a deep breath and look within ourselves we can see there is no one better to focus our love upon.

I am reminded of a refrigerator magnet my mom gave me when I was a very young mother. I can't remember everything on it, but what I do remember is the gist, which was; you can't give what you do not have. It was a huge eyeopener for me because like most people I wanted an improved life for my son. I knew I had to get myself out of the destructive relationship I was in, because I did not feel loved, supported or empowered. I was so miserable I often just wanted to disappear. The only thing that kept me here on this earth was the love I had for my son and the improved life I wanted for him. I had to pull myself up by the bootstraps and make a better way for myself, so I could provide a better way for him.

My something to do for many years was putting energy into my son. Creating boundaries for him, teaching him values and creating space for him to choose what he felt was best for him. Guiding him in a positive direction and letting go to allow him to find his own way. As a young man he often would ask my opinion about what he should do and I recall telling him, I could tell you what I would do, but that might affect your choice. Why don't you tell me what you think is best for you and then we can talk about it. I wanted him to have a strong sense of himself.

When he moved out, I had quite a bit of time on my hands, my something to do turned into art. Painting, carving, drawing and trying to get into galleries. Art is very subjective and though I am blessed with the ability to paint, it just wasn't as fulfilling as I wanted it to be. Then my thing to do morphed into writing this blog.

This blog has been very fulfilling. I love the introspection of it, the sharing, the drawing and creating virtual hugs for people who read it. I love expanding love. Apozitude is my bucket and I am filling it with love and each new person who reads it is helping me pour love all over the world.

I am very happy as I look forward to the expansion of Apozitude reaching people who need a little something in their lives to anticipate. Maybe you or someone you love needs a little reminder that often it is the little things that mean the most. One kind thing you express to a loved one or a stranger, may well be the one thing they needed that day to turn their attitude around to the sunnier side of things.

To summarize, not only have I provided the formula for a happy life, I have also provided a way to put the formula to work. Think of someone you love, maybe it's yourself. Now what can you do? You can read Apozitude and share it with your friends. What do you have to look forward to? That's easy. The next Apozitude post and the smile on someone's face when you share love with them. Welcome to an option for happiness.

Enjoy the Shift

Take a deep breath and know that there are no mistakes. Everything happens exactly as it is supposed to with lessons and growth that go beyond our current level of comprehension, so with that knowledge, take a deep breath and trust your "knowing" what is right for you.

What I know right now is that I am worthy. I am brilliant. And it feels so good to be in the realm of knowing. It feels so good to say it aloud. If you don't believe me, try it for yourself. Go ahead. Say it out loud.

I am worthy.

I am brilliant.

Everything is working out for me.

I am worthy of the perfection I am living right here in this crystal clear moment.

I am alive and it feels amazing. I love knowing there is a constant divine source of attention on me and the details of my life.

I know it feels a little weird at first, but with practice you'll begin to feel the shift. The shift you will feel is moving from a realm of doubt and cloudiness into clarity and knowing.

Not Your Typical Black Friday

Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving when according to the 2013 statistic approximately 141 million U.S. consumers went shopping. Keri and I had our plans for Black Friday. We were super excited, but our plan didn't include a sale, a mall or a store of any kind.

We did set our alarm, because we wanted to get our work out in, have some breakfast and I intended to go see my favorite little girls do their ballet. It turned out that ballet was cancelled for the day after Thanksgiving. Bummer!!! I did get to see the girls in their cute little ballet outfits anyway.

So, after I visited with the girls, their mom, dad and grandparents for a little bit I headed home. It was time to set out for our adventure for the day. We estimated it would take us about an hour to reach our destination and I was getting hungry. We stopped and got a small cup of soup for me to hold me over and then we made our way to Washougal, WA. where the cutest puppies in the whole wide world are born.

We sent the requested text message when we got to a certain point in our route and anxiously continued to our destination. The rain was coming down pretty good and we wondered where we would visit our puppy. We pulled up to the gate and there was another car there too.

Once the gate was opened we pulled forward and approached the house. As we headed in that direction we passed the horse pasture on the left. We found a gravely place to park near the house and the dude that open the gate let us know the puppies were in the barn.

We made our way towards the barn and Judy, our breeder, greeted us with hugs and a big'ol smile. The barn had other animals in there too, but we really wanted to see those puppies. Judy pointed us in their direction. Oh my goodness!!!! They are so cute!!! She said, "Get in there with them, play with them and love on them. The barn is a fantastic place for them to play with each other and stay out of the weather".

We entered the stall which had a pin around the border. The ground was covered with hay and there was a light clamped inside the stall. The barn had lights inside, but the light in the stall provided a bit more light. The sweet smell of puppy breath mixed with the smell of hay filled the air.

We picked them up and loved on them and they snuggled right into our necks and our jackets. It was the perfect visit. We received puppy kisses, puppy nuzzles and watched as they snuggled with each other and displayed the beginning developments of their personalities.

We visited with Judy as we loved on those adorable little bundles of fur. So sweet and totally mesmerizing. I had no idea I sat on a concrete floor covered with hay for an hour and a half. The time flew by so fast, but my butt was starting to send me little messages that it had had enough. The rest of me could have sat there for months.

There were two boys and seven girls. We will take one of the boys home with us when he is 9 weeks old. The other boy will stay with Judy's son. So, as Judy said, "Both boys will stay in the family". She is just the sweetest woman. We could not have asked for a better person to be raising our boy. We are excited to have you home with us Marbles.

Love at First Sight

One of the most exciting things in my world happened over the Thanksgiving weekend. Keri and I were at our friends house doing our Thanksgiving thing, chatting, eating, laughing and sharing.

As I was sitting at the table eating this delicious meal and thoroughly enjoying the lightness of the conversation I looked out the window. The evening was dark and there were lights on the leaves of the trees. It seemed to me the trees were standing outside giving me a friendly wave hello as the breeze was blowing through.

I looked over to my wife to see her adorable smile as she was enjoying the conversation with our friend and he was smiling his adorable bearded smile. I paused for a moment and smiled back at them and said, "This is the perfect Thanksgiving. The food is delicious, the company is fantastic and the ambiance is so relaxed". It was lovely.

After we finished dinner, our friend invited us to come sit in the kitchen and visit with him while he cleaned. The ease of the evening continued. We offered to help, but he wouldn't have it. So, we continued with conversation as he effortlessly weaved in and out of being busy with cleaning and maintaining the flow of conversation.

During the course of, after dinner, conversation and sipping sweet iced tea, Keri thought to check her e-mail. Why??? You my be wondering when all was going so perfectly. Well,... Let me tell you. We had been waiting for a response from our breeder, Judy. We knew it was Thanksgiving weekend and we weren't sure what plans she might have, but we also knew our puppy was to be 5 weeks old meaning old enough for a visit.

The response came that perfect night. Judy asked Keri in the e-mail if we were available the next day around 11am. We squealed with delight. Oh my goodness!!! We get to go see our puppy!!! The next 16 hours were full of Keri and I letting out little bursts of excitement, followed by either one of us saying, "I'm so excited!!!"