Even when you love someone with ALL your heart, you have to let them go. Even if you fear for what may happen to them or to you, when you let them go, you have to just, Let. Them. Go. You'll never know how you will do letting them go, or how they will do because holding on can keep them stuck and can keep you stuck. So, for the sake of setting them free and for the sake of self preservation, Let Them Go!!!
It can be hard I know, but the really cool thing that happens when you let go is you realize you have more time to focus on yourself. Having more time for yourself can be truly amazing and it can be kinda scary, but believe me when you let go of someone that you love it feels really amazing. The burden of making sure they are ok, checking in on them, driving yourself crazy with the impossible task of trying to make sure they are always happy. Sometimes you just have to draw a line in the sand and say I'm done taking care of you. It's your turn! You do it how you want to do it, I'm tired and I wanna take care of me. I deserve the best care I can provide for myself. So, Quit fucking hogging it all up you jack ass!!!! Oops! Did I type that? See? I just got rid of some resentment. I let it go.
Man! That feels good!!!!!
I tell you, I relate to your blog all the time. Letting go is very hard . it will suck you dry and makes you sick because you don't know how to do it. You try and try again sometimes only to find yourself sucked right back in and hurting . I loved my parents beyond anything anyone could imagine , they were my life, I felt love, wanted;adored and yes spoiled and I miss it so much now I lost them both, I keep saying I let it go but really I know deep down inside have not done so yet . I took care of them with my husband for over 20 years helping at their home, cleaning ;cooking; doing any chores they needed and spending all the time I could with them, for that I am so glad it left me with many memories that keeps me going. But the truth is when you lack family it simply hurts it is part of life I know. We are so thankful to have our best friends up here and are trying to rebuild a life from scratch making ourselves a "family" environment as much as possible. I really do not know how we could have made it through this without them ; their children;grandchild and their friends . I guess taking care of ill parents for so long really took it's toll and I lost myself only living for them. I forgot I had a husband and he never complained; I forgot who I was and still have not quite returned to where I was 25 years ago mentally and physically. So each day I thank God for the blessings and I ask to get through another day and for helping me to really let go of the past .It is time to heal and to move forward, now 3+years in the making I still find myself stuck over it sometimes as a simple little thing brings it up. Mom and Dad , thank you for the gift of love you gave me and the
ReplyDeletememories. "we are keeping up the good work" and we are trying harder then ever and we are doing what you would want us to do is try to move on . You always said parents are supposed to go before the kids , that is part of life....I love you forever and forever in my heart ....