What harm could love do?

It's so amazing to me how a song can totally transport me to another time. I don't know if music has this profound of an affect on every one, but I can totally connect to strong dramatic feelings from anytime in my life when I hear certain songs that really moved me. It could be very heavy if I allowed myself to get lost in those feelings from the past.

I choose to be grateful instead.

I just heard, Every Woman In The World by Air Supply from 1980. I had the Lost in Love album, and I remember playing that record over and over and over. I was completely and desperately lost in love. It felt so devastating and dramatic, because I was lost in love with the pretty little red headed girl who, at the time had a huge crush on some boy, of course. For the sake of this story we'll call the little red headed girl, Cindy and her crush, we'll call him Billy. Hey, Billy is better than jack ass.

In 1980 I was 10 years old and in the fifth grade. I have vivid memories of doing push ups in my bedroom and saying Cindy's name every time I pushed myself away from the floor. I also had a coloring book of Disney's, Sleeping Beauty. I colored the page of Sleeping Beauty and the prince kissing and wrote Cindy and Billy at the top of the page. It broke my little 10 year old heart to write his name next to hers when I finished coloring, because the whole time I was thinking of writing Cindy and Angel.

I traced that coloring book page and colored it again and again. The following times I wrote other girls names from my class with the names of the boys they liked. I know,...you probably thought I was going to say I put my name at the top with Cindy's name and I wanted to desperately, but more importantly, I wanted to give her the coloring page. So, in an effort to take the focus off of me giving this to just her, I gave one to all the girls.

They all actually liked them and taped them to the side of their desks. I just pretended that it was my name at the top of Cindy's, I did do all the coloring AND my gift to her was right there, taped to the side of her desk in front of everyone to see. The only thing wrong was, it wasn't my name that everyone saw next hers.

I am so grateful for this glorious time of my life when I can draw into the sand on the beach a huge heart with 3 foot letters, shouting to the world ANGEL LOVES KERI!!!! It fills my eyes with tears and floods my heart with love.

Do you hear that Cindy? ANGEL LOVES KERI!!!!

Don't get me wrong. I am not begrudging Cindy, although that last comment did kinda sound like I am. I know my unrequited love had nothing to do with her. It's not you (Cindy), it's me, well it was anyway. I did do everything in my power to keep those feelings pressed WAY down and hidden. It probably didn't work, but I kept myself pretty well fooled for quite a long time and that is exactly why I choose to be grateful when I hear those heart wrenching songs.

I've come along way down this road of learning to accept myself and allowing myself the freedom to express my feelings of love towards women. It feels so good to let love flow.