Friday, November 22, 2013

You're the next contestant,...

I'm surprisingly finding myself feeling a slight bit of nervousness when I begin talking about Keri to someone I don't know very well. It's been a very long time since I've felt this slight uneasiness.

The feeling would crop up in my mid to late twenties when I would talk about her and wonder if someone was going to ask me if we were "more than roommates". There was a time, back in Oklahoma, when I was asked by an employer to refer to her as my boyfriend and was even asked to change her name. I referred to her as Ken, once or twice and decided I'd rather not talk about my personal life than lie about it. It was heart breaking.

The next step was moving to Portland. I can recall a time when Garrison and I were talking to one of his classmates parents and he referred to Keri as my roommate and her generous response was, In Oregon we would call Keri your moms partner. It felt so amazing to have that acceptance. I can remember doing cartwheels, back flips and jumping up and down, like I had just won on the Price is Right, it was only in my mind, but the smile on my face was very real.price-is-right-660-grab-winner2-630x354

I have been comfortably referring to Keri as my partner for the last 14 years. Although I can also remember in the last 14 years hearing straight couples referring to themselves as each other's partners and it kinda rubbed me the wrong way. I felt like, what the fuck? You two can get married and be each other's spouses, but because of whatever reason you don't want to get married you are imposing yourselves onto the only terminology we can use to make our relationship more committed than girlfriends. Maybe it seems kinda childish and petty, but you can fucking get married you hose head!!! If you're not married and you are a man and a woman in a committed relationship, then you are boyfriend and girlfriend, not partners!

That is my anger and frustration talking. Honestly, the true loving aspect of myself doesn't give a shit what people call themselves. I want people to be happy. I want people to be treated equal. The last sentence of the previous paragraph felt very icky and wrong, just like it's wrong for anyone to say that marriage is only for a man and a woman!

I guess the uncertainty of others opinions is why that nervous uneasiness is starting to crop up again. I have started talking about Keri in the last week since we got married and have felt a pause. My,...(breath gets stuck in my throat as my mouth begins to say partner and then I find the courage to say) wife, Keri and I,....
I am so happy and proud to be married to my wife in a state that won't yet allow it that there's not a chance in hell I'm not going to take every damn chance I get to call her my wife. It is very emotional!!! I was just about to apologize for writing about it so much, but then I decided Fuck it!!! I've wanted to marry this woman for 18 years and I've only been married one week today, so if you don't like it, then don't read it! I am in love with my wife and I want the whole world to know!!!!

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