Hoping for a Break Through Today

Have you ever noticed that sometimes when someone very close to you, who undoubtedly loves you very much is giving you advice, somehow, it's often overlooked. It's like you can hear them talking, and you're shaking your head yes, as if you are agreeing, but you're not really listening. It's not intentional really, because you do really want resolution. But it's just not sinking in. I'm not sure why this happens, but what I do know is that it's true.

I know it's true because I have observed it in my own life with my wife and my son. Even in myself! I've been frustrated in the past with something and was trying to work it out. Talking over the details with Keri and she, of course, overs solutions, but for some reason I remained in that stuck place.

Then, I'd hear someone else say just about the same thing and all of a sudden it just clicked. It may be the exact same thing that Keri had been saying, but just a slightly different inflection on a certain word or slight rephrasing by some one else, turns that stuck place into an "A-HA! moment".

Usually what happens next is I come home all happy to report my new found clarity and I'm just chatting away about how it occurred and she'll say, "That's what I've been trying to tell you". It's happened to both of us and it's happened with Garrison too. I am just so glad that we're able to be happy for each other once clarity arrives and we don't get wrapped up in our egos.

I really don't care how you get to a clear, true, knowing moment in your life. I'm simply pleased for the clarity. The truth is we're all connected and contributing members of each others lives. Perhaps hearing the same advice from a loved one over and over is preparing us for actually hearing it from someone else. There is the fact that it takes multiple times of hearing something before it sinks in.

Why am I writing about this today? Well, to be honest, it's because my hope and my desire is that today just might be the day that someone is reading this and is actually hearing something slightly different than they've been hearing it in the past. Perhaps today is the day that something clicks.

So here ya' go. The connection that you've been looking for is not in a whiskey bottle or a personal ad. The connection you seek is not in that all elusive relationship you've been so tirelessly chasing. The connection you're after is much closer than you might think and as long as you continue to look outside yourself, you'll continue to find yourself coming up empty handed.

Sure alcohol, sex, a relationship and many other things can distract you from the feeling of being disconnected, but when the bottle is empty, your lover is gone and your relationship ends that feeling of disconnection will still be sitting there, right in the middle of your heart waiting for you. Yes, waiting for you to wake up and realize the connection you are looking for is not somewhere outside of you, but right there within yourself.

All distraction methods are actually working against you and keeping you distracted from getting to know the real you. It's a grim depiction, I understand, but it's the truth about how it feels to be disconnected. Yes, distraction methods are easier because they help to disassociate from pain and feelings of loneliness, but they will never provide the satisfaction you will find in facing those tough feelings and working through to a place of healing and self love.

You are worthy of the time and effort it takes to feel the satisfaction of self love and self acceptance.

Oh no!!! Not the F Bomb,....

Growth- whew! There is a very clear reason why there's a thing called growing pains. It hurts sometimes when you realize all the mental gymnastics you've been preforming are #1 not neccesary #2 such a waste of time and #3 fucking exhausting.

Sometimes the biggest barrier on our path is our own damn self. I am a big proponent of searching under ever rock to find whatever it is you need to find health, happiness and peace. I am ready to be ready, but I'm not quite there yet. That's the painful part. I know where I want to be and it hurts to stay where I am, but I haven't figured out how to get where I wanna be.

Right now all I know is I am ready and though I don't know HOW,................... I DO know that I CAN get there from here. Here's where the big F bomb comes into play.

FAITH

Woes of a hair twirler

Since I've started growing out my hair I have this uncontrollable tendency to twirl my hair. If you have seen me in the last couple of months you've probably noticed I can't seem to keep my fingers from twirling my hair and the reason I am mentioning it here in my blog is to raise awareness.

Awareness? Awareness of what?

Awareness of a rare condition know a Hair Twirlers Elbow aka H.T.E.

Symptoms of H.T.E consist of highly defined forearm muscles of one arm (usually the flexor capri ulnaris and palmaris longus, the two muscles responsible for movement of the thumb and first two fingers) slight pain in the ulnar collateral ligament and tightness in the deltoid of the afflicted arm.

If you know people that twirl their hair, please warn them of this rare condition. It can be a pain. I am trying to stop twirling my hair, but it is so soft and provides a self soothing affect to twirl it around my fingers, but it is beginning to affect my typing. There are no local support groups, so I am on my own trying to work through it.

When I notice I am reaching for my hair to start twirling, I ask myself if I am upset. If the answer is no, I ask myself then why are you trying to soothe yourself by twirling your hair? If the answer is yes, then I ask myself is twirling your hair going to help your upset? I am diligently working on resolving my own H.T.E. condition through behavior modification and a consistent application of arnicare gel.

Awareness is half the battle. Please spread the word.

I learn something new everyday

Some times when I feel like I am learning something new, I am actually learning a new aspect of something I already knew. Take acceptance for example, I have known that "acceptance is the key" for a little while now. In fact a few years back I had a skeleton key tattooed on my inner bicep with a banner across it that reads, Acceptance.

That tattoo came about because of a big lesson in acceptance. I was having really bad back pain for several years. I had chiropractic adjustments, massages, acupuncture, Chinese herbs, physical therapy, Epsom salt soaks and Reiki treatments and none of this resolved my back pain. The pain peaked when I was 40, and there were times it was putting me on my hands and knees with tears running down my face. I tried meditation during which I asked myself, "What am I supposed to learn from this? Why am I in such pain? What is the purpose?"

Acceptance was the answer that came to me.

So, I accepted the pain and found a doctor in Feb 2010 that recommend lots of alternatives for addressing the back pain, but 1st wanted to order an ultrasound of my pelvic because she noticed a swelling in my abdomen. March 2010 I was on the operating table of my newly recommended gynecologist. I was having the largest specimen of a uterus that she'd ever seen removed due to benign fibroids. It took 3 surgeons twice the time my gynecologist thought it was going to take her and her assistant to remove "the rather large specimen". I read that a typical uterus is 60-80 grams and mine was 500 grams. Yes, 500 grams.

So, think about being 6-7 months pregnant for 10 years. What a pain!!!

It wasn't until I accepted the pain that I was able to find the path beyond the pain. So, I know that acceptance is the key, but I still find myself in situations that seem like I haven't really learned it yet.

So, I guess my question now is what door does this key of acceptance open? If I am aware that acceptance is the key why do I continue to find myself in situations in which I need to accept something? Is acceptance as a key just a tool that we use over and over? Maybe that's it!!!

It's not really that I haven't learned that acceptance is the key, it's just that now that I am aware of the tool I need to master the skill of using acceptance as a tool. I can accept that.