Objections VS Opportunities

I'd like to share a lesson I learned recently that I think is very valuable and can be used in many circumstances in life, personally and professionally. This lesson helps me tremendously because I used to do whatever I could to avoid what I perceived as a conflict, even after I'd taken a communications class several years ago and was taught that conflict is not a bad thing. It wasn't until recently I was able to come to terms with this concept.

Perhaps it was a slight tweak in the verbage, perhaps it simply was the right time for me to learn this lesson, but here it is in all it's awesomeness. There are no objections, only opportunities for clarification. It feels so amazing to have this slightly shifted perception of objections/conflicts. It really used to be paralyzing for me to encounter a situation that had even the slightest bit of conflict or even perceived conflict about it.

[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="720"] Frozen by fear[/caption]

I would feel a tightness in my chest and my stomach would begin to hurt and I would freeze up and shut down. I would, literally, go silent or maybe stammer and stumble over my words. I am not exactly sure how this shift came about, but I don't even care how it came about. I am just so grateful.

I am happy and confident in my knowing. What am I knowing? I am knowing that I am a good person. I am well intended. I am not perfect and I make mistakes, but I know that I am always doing the best that I can at any given moment. My best will vary from day-to-day as circumstances in my life change, but never the less, I KNOW I am doing my best and if there is any question, objection or conflict I will approach the situation and clarify with confidence because I know like I know like I know that I am always doing my best.

[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="720"] Confidently clarifying[/caption]

Spilled coffee? Perfect opportunity? YES!

Ok, so you're running late and you're in such a hurry you spill your coffee all over your lap. You rush back into the house to change and then you're running even later to work so you're speeding along and you get pulled over. You get a $150 ticket and you are pounding your fists against your steering wheel in frustration. Could one more thing go wrong? Oh yeah, you could keep this momentum up all day. However, there is a choice, and the reason I used this particular example is because this very scenario happened to me just this last week. However, my result was very different.

I was walking out to my car to go to work and someone had just sent me a text reading, "make it a great day" and I responded, "nothing can keep me from it". I put my phone in my pocket and got in my car. I had my hands full, so I held my coffee cup between my arm and my chest and when I bent over to set my purse down, I poured about 75% of my coffee into my lap. I just had to laugh and I said aloud, "Not even this", after an expletive of course.

I thought to myself this is absolutely perfect! It's the perfect opportunity to prove that nothing can keep me from making this a great day.

Yup! I'm making myself a priority

This last week I had the misfortune of having one of my ribs pop right out of place. Yes, Ouch! How did that happen you wonder. Well I'd like to give you a grandiose explanation, about how I had to chase down a bad guy and tackle'em to the ground for stealing an elders personal affects, but alas it more accurately went down a little more like this, I was washing my hair. What??? Yup, that's it. Washing. my. hair. See the chasing scenario was much better, but not true. There is a little more to the story though and this is the part that will make it worth telling.

I know you're thinking, Jeez, I hope so, because that certainly wasn't worth telling. I mean that wasn't even a story. I know. I know. Be patient I'm getting to it. So, there I was standing in the shower washing my hair and all of a sudden I hear this little click. Imagine the subtly of the sound of a finger nail clicking against another. It was that faint, but the affect was immediate. I knew it as soon as I heard it. Anything beyond a shallow breath delivered a great deal of discomfort. I knew I needed to get to the chiropractor as soon as I could and I did.

Four hours after the click, I was on my back, hugging a stuffed teddy bear while the doctor was compressing my ribcage against his hand on the table and hoping against hope for a click in the opposite direction. Attempt #1 - Nope. Attempt #2 - Nope. Damn!!! Ok, let's ice you for 20 minutes, get the inflammation down and try again. So, there I am with the ice on my back and my face squished in that little hole of the table talking to myself about all the things that make me feel better. Thinking everything I can to take my mind off the pain. Meditating on allowing healing to flow into my existance and before I know it the ice has numbed me.

Let's try one more time,... Here's the bear. Take a deep breathe,... compression. Nope. Ok, he says, My recommendation for you is to go home and stay on your back. Ice 20 min on, 40 off for the rest of the day and follow up with another attempt at adjustment. Now. I have to admit, in the past, I would have taken that recommendation and gone right back to work. Not now. I have learned to do what is BEST for me. I called in to work and said I would not be back for the rest of the day.

I took myself home and did exactly as I was instructed. I set a timer and for the next 3 or 4 hours, I iced 20 on and 40 off. I also added a bit of my own knowledge to the process. My genius contribution was to take a little muscle relaxer. That landed me in the bed, sleeping for over 12 hours, but do you know what. When I woke up, that rib was right back where it was supposed to be.

How I felt from one day to the next was like night and day. It felt like a miracle and I believe it was, indeed. I also believe my relief was a direct result of my deliberate intention. In the past I would neglected what was recommended because I wouldn't have wanted to disappoint anyone by being abscent from where I was expected to be. This particuar day I realized I had an opportunity to be true to my authentic self and the only thing that mattered was how good I felt. It felt amazing to do what was right for me. It seems like such a little thing, but to me it was huge. I finally made myself my own #1 priority and boy did I reap the benefits.

A story worth telling? I already know my answer. ;)

Why is letting go so hard sometimes? Part 2 of 3

If everything happens for a reason, what was the purpose of that living hell?

To teach me to let go and I did. I am grateful for learning that lesson.

The truly sad part of all of that was for Keri and Karen, both robbed of relationships with each other. The even more tragic part of this, now, is that any hope of a chance is gone. Sadly, Karen passed away in August 2012.

Keri got the call from her sister it was time to make the trip. Keri looked at me after explaining the situation and said, I want you to go with me. Which seems like the logical thing, right? But I think the last time I went to one of Keri's family functions prior to this was Thanksgiving 1995. I remember because her grandpa was still alive and he leaned in to me as glanced over to Keri and said, She's a good girl. Take good care of her. I would do anything for my baby.

We walked into Karen's hospital room and with out a beat, as if it were nothing at all Kirsten, Keri's sister, came over to us and hugged Keri and then hugged me. She and her fiancé at the time, now husband, Kelly, rather quickly updated us on Karen's status. It was totally and completely surreal standing there in that hospital room with Keri.

It felt so bizarre to be there in the most fragile moments of this woman's life. I, for so many years, wanted so badly to be in the same room with her to have a chance to know her, love her and hug her and here I was standing there looking at her silently wondering why we couldn't have shared Keri in our lives.

There was a moment when Keri and Kirsten were called out into the hall to talk to the doctor and I was left alone with Karen. I was looking at her and these words just started flowing out of my mouth, "I just want you to know that with every fiber of my being I love your daughter and I am sorry you and I never had a chance to get to know each other, but what ever it was that kept us from knowing each other, I let it go a long time ago. I want you to know peace."

It was the weirdest thing ever having this very personal one sided conversation with this woman I barely knew. These were not my words, there was no way I could have been that poised in that given moment. I was confused and felt like what the hell am I doing here this woman wanted nothing to do with me. Why am I standing here with you right now? I really was just a little bit nervous that she might open her eyes and wonder what the hell I was doing there.

I guess everything does happen for a reason and the reason I was standing there with her all alone was to provide an opportunity for release. Who know's what that moment provided for Karen, but my hope is that for a moment in time the essence of our beings swirled around together, smiled at each other, embraced each other and dissolved all the unknowns, the fears and resistance. All I know is I have peace in my heart and the most wonderful parting gift I have EVER been given.