I'm Number One??? Thank you. :)

There are some slight nuances to being a positively focused person. For instance it takes only a moment to carefully consider the way you say things when communicating with others that will create your exact intention rather than accidentally offending someone. If you are trying to explain a situation and you're not quite sure how to say what you are intending without saying the wrong words, simply state this fact.

Personally, I would much rather announce my inability to think of the right words than use the wrong words and offend someone. Let's be perfectly clear here too. I'm not in any way, shape, or form implying that I am always able to manage this task. I have placed my foot quite firmly and completely in my mouth a time or two before and I find it to be uncomfortable and embarrassing. I'd rather not have to apologize and clarify that offending someone really was not my intention.

Recently though, I was in a couple of situations just exactly like this and in one circumstance I knew I was thinking of ALL the wrong words to say, so I simply stated the fact, "I can't think of the right words right now to correctly convey what I'm trying to say,..." it only took me a little bit more effort to explain this and it was totally fine.

In the other situation, I wasn't quite that cool. I actually told Keri while she was trying on new glasses that she could present herself with a little more flair. Yikes!!! Her appropriate response for the misunderstanding was to give me a single finger salute. I wasn't implying that she didn't have any flair. I was simply saying the possibility exists that she could, if she chose to, present herself with more flair. I apologized for the misunderstanding and clarified what I was intending and all was fine, but see what I mean?

Yes, it's a mindful choice to be considerate of others feelings and personally, I feel it's worth the effort. However, I also know that I am only human and do not expect myself to be perfect. So when I do insert my foot into my mouth, I am mindful of myself as well. I don't beat myself up and I chose to go easy on myself, because I know my heart and my intentions.

Objections VS Opportunities

I'd like to share a lesson I learned recently that I think is very valuable and can be used in many circumstances in life, personally and professionally. This lesson helps me tremendously because I used to do whatever I could to avoid what I perceived as a conflict, even after I'd taken a communications class several years ago and was taught that conflict is not a bad thing. It wasn't until recently I was able to come to terms with this concept.

Perhaps it was a slight tweak in the verbage, perhaps it simply was the right time for me to learn this lesson, but here it is in all it's awesomeness. There are no objections, only opportunities for clarification. It feels so amazing to have this slightly shifted perception of objections/conflicts. It really used to be paralyzing for me to encounter a situation that had even the slightest bit of conflict or even perceived conflict about it.

[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="720"] Frozen by fear[/caption]

I would feel a tightness in my chest and my stomach would begin to hurt and I would freeze up and shut down. I would, literally, go silent or maybe stammer and stumble over my words. I am not exactly sure how this shift came about, but I don't even care how it came about. I am just so grateful.

I am happy and confident in my knowing. What am I knowing? I am knowing that I am a good person. I am well intended. I am not perfect and I make mistakes, but I know that I am always doing the best that I can at any given moment. My best will vary from day-to-day as circumstances in my life change, but never the less, I KNOW I am doing my best and if there is any question, objection or conflict I will approach the situation and clarify with confidence because I know like I know like I know that I am always doing my best.

[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="720"] Confidently clarifying[/caption]

Peace in my heart

Communication is a funny thing. Funny because one string of words could be presented to let's just say three or four different people and every one of those people could and probably would receive very different messages. I guess that's one of the reasons why they say that actions speak louder than words. That doesn't always apply though because there are situations where there are no actions to take.

I was at work the other day and I can't remember the exact situation, but someone said, "Things don't always come across the way you intend." You can be very well intended and put a great deal of thought into a message, but once you release your message out into the world you have no control over how it will be received.

We can make attempts to clarify our intentions, when we are misunderstood. However, sometimes it seems we are not able to get a clear message across, in that case, all we can do is hold on to the knowing we have within ourselves that we were well intended and let go.

What did one goose say to the other?

I took Waffles, our 11 year old golden retriever puppy, out this morning for a short walk to go potty and while we were out there my attention was drawn to some Canadian Geese flying over head. I noticed them them because I heard one of them honk. I assume one was honking at the other one as some form of communication, but I really don't know. But as I watched them fly by I notice after about 7 or 8 flaps of their wings, one of them gave another single honk.


I wondered how can they communicate much variety of conversation with seemingly one word, HONK. How boring would that trip be if all you could say to each other was HONK? There must be little nuances that make each HONK a little different than another providing some variety, right?

All I can say is, HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK. Which is Canadian Goose for, I am grateful to be human.

The star people speak

I am really very open to spiritual guidance. I believe that there is a whole lot more that we don't understand than what we can wrap our little human brains around and I am open to being able to get messages from anything that is pure positive energy. I believe in communication with spirits, animals and beings over space and time. I believe in energy.

I believe in reincarnation as well. Keri and I once met a lady named Diana that had been to Brazil to meet John of God. In Diana's meeting with John of God, she believes she was given the gift of being able to speak with the star people (I've not met the star people, nor have I heard of them anywhere else before or since, but as I said before I believe there is far more that we do not know about than what we do know).

When we were visiting with Diana towards the end of our visit she asked me for permission to enter my realm of energy. I allowed it and she held out one hand towards me, all fingers in a relaxed openness pointing towards me. Her thumb was pointing up towards the ceiling and her whole fore arm was kinda of doing a little shimmy back and forth. Her other hand hand was up in the air above her head as if she were some kind of antenna or conduit of energy from me to some outer realm. She began to sing a song of words that I did understand and I am assuming when she spoke words that I did not understand that she was communicating with the star people right there in our presence. She told me this was my third lifetime with Keri. The first time we were together, was during a time of survival, like cave man days, the next time we were together was during pioneer times. I was a farmer and Keri was my wife. We had children. This time is our 3rd time together.

No money was exchanged and we did not go to meet Diana for any type of reading or counsel. We went to her home in Banks Oregon because we were interested at the time in buying a house a little further out of town with a little bit of property. We saw a flyer on the New Season's bulletin board, so we went. It was a very interesting meeting. We liked the property, but it wasn't in our price range.

I believe life have challenges and during these challenging times we learn a great deal. I also believe we can chose happiness. I'd much rather be happy and I will search far and wide, delve deep into a practice of something new to achieve the next level of happiness. I just want to feel happy and be happy. I think it is SUPER FUCKIN' cool that Keri and I have been together before. Whether it is true or not, I have no idea or proof, but there was absolutely no reason for Diana to make it up. It would not benefit her at all to fabricate such a story, so I just choose to believe it. It adds character to our relationship and it's fun to think about being that into each other that we would find each other three times and then choose to be together.

She doesn't want sushi

Relationships can be challenging. Why is it so challenging sometimes? Well because no matter how much you love someone, you don't share the same ideas and concepts about every single thing. Therefore, when one of you truly values something and it doesn't really matter to the other person, conflict develops. I really love Japanese food and Keri, not so much. This is a pretty simple example, but you can see how a conflict might arise if every time we set out to go eat somewhere and Keri said where do you want to eat and I always said sushi. She would get frustrated because she doesn't want to eat sushi.

So, we compromise, but there are way more challenging subjects, such as how we relate to others outside of our relationship. Keri might view something one way and I have a totally different view. So, dealing with that subject creates a conflict and it may not really matter to Keri, but it does matter to me and Keri saying, it doesn't really matter, feels like she doesn't care about what is important to me. But I know that is not the case, what really is going on is she simply chose a way of wording something that wasn't really what she intended, but I wanted to clarify what she really intended because it matters to me how she relates to the other relationship because it ultimately could affect our relationship. It was way more simple than that for her, but that is part of being in a relationship, navigating social situations, working out differences, coming to agreeable terms of operation, how we share the responsibilities of the household, working together to get through this crazy thing we call life and with a smile on each of our faces. It is important to be able to discuss things, even uncomfortable things, otherwise how can we work together towards a shared loving happiness?

Control, alt., delete

Sometimes I just wish I were a computer. Yes, wouldn't it be nice to just take a command, execute a task and deliver results with zero emotion. I would have alerts pop up on my forehead when I needed upgrades or changes and if those were not met, I would just, shut down.

As a computer it would be so easy to say, I can't handle any more tasks, without the required upgrade. You must respond to my request and I simply do not care if you do or not. I will be happy to work or play with you once, you have met my request, but until then I will just sit here cold, dead and uncaring. You will be required to take action right now to make the appropriate changes, if you want to continue to work or play together.

Then when you decided to push me further and I can not possibly handle any more shit, I'd just throw a blue screen of death at you.

Nope! I'm done! Don't care what important thing you are trying to accomplish, figure out another way to do it, because I am done taking commands from you.

Oh, you wanna try to reboot? I'm sorry, here, look at my screen,.... My little refresh thingy is spinning and I know you are hopeful,... Waiting,... Holding your breath,... But,... nope! Fuck you! I'm a computer and I do not care about that thing you need to accomplish. I am not listening, I am not caring and I am not helping because I. am. done!!!! See? Blue screen of death! No guilt, no worry, no fear. Just one agreement, as long as you meet my requests for upgrades and maintenance, I will gladly preform the task you request.

I was just about to apologize, but, No!!! I'm not sorry this result is not what you wanted because I am a computer and I don't care.

Buuuut,....we all know I'm not really a computer and I do care. In fact I love you very much, however it is your behavior and your communication style that I do not care for and I choose to live a stress free life. Therefore, it is my choice to draw a boundary and I have every right to expect my boundaries to be respected. Just as you have every right to the boundaries you establish in your life.

This is my life. That is your life. I choose peace and health. If you do not choose peace and health, do not blame me for not being able to work or play together.

I have stated the required update and that is all there is to it. I will always love you and I will be right here when you are ready to meet my expectations. Please just know that I have these expectations of you because I love you and I want an upgrade for you. You deserve better than the current operating system you are working with, but you have to want the upgrade bad enough for yourself to actually do what it takes to get the install.

Don't make me puke!!!

Relationships can be difficult at times, but I believe if you are willing to face your challenges and take an honest look at yourself and your part in those difficult times that they could turn into growth.

I consider myself pretty damn lucky in the relationship department. Keri and I do have our challenges and our differences, but we put a great deal of effort into our relationship. We talk about our feelings and believe me it is uncomfortable sometimes. We make compromises for each other and we have disagreements. It just seems like when we have these uncomfortable discussions, as hard as it is sometimes, it just improves our relationship.

Sometimes what I am feeling has absolutely nothing to do with what she is doing or vice versa. Talking it all out just helps bring clarity and we have been at this relationship thing for a long time now, but I really do believe that she is beginning to see that I am right.

No, seriously! I am right! BUT she is right too. That's the wonderful thing about this, I am right for me and she is right for her. Nope, that wasn't a typo what I mean is, my ideas about what is right, are right for me and her ideas about what is right, are right for her. As we discuss how we feel we are learning to allow each others rightness simply to be the rightness for each other.

What is right for her doesn't make what is right for me wrong, it just means it is wrong for her. And just because we have a difference in opinion over things, does not mean we are growing apart it means we are growing together. We are strong enough and confident enough in our relationship that we allow each other to be true to ourselves, so that we can be the best of ourselves for each other.

Damn! That's so fucking sweet, even I want to puke!

However, the other morning as we were dancing around the kitchen, unloading our groceries and singing along with Dorothy Moore to Misty Blue, this feeling came over me that I can only describe as, that moment in our lives could be right out of a movie. It was kinda dreamy. Relationships can be truly amazing at times, and I believe if you are willing to take an honest look at your relationship you would find lots of things that would fill your heart with gratitude, even if the thought of it would make your friends puke.

And if not, it's time to move on or start having some uncomfortable conversations.

You should check out that boat,...

Have you ever known a person that would just blurt out some random comment? It's kinda like they are having a conversation with themselves in their mind and as if you can hear all of what's going on in their brain, they just blurt out some random comment. You look at them with a very confused look on your face and your thinking, What the hell are you talking about?

The funny thing about this is, I actually know a few people that do this and it seems very perplexing, especially when you are not very familiar with the person.

However, I happen to be one of these people, as well as my mom and my son. Usually, when it's my mom that just blurts out a random comment, I somehow know what she's talking about, and we always burst out in laughter. I guess it's because we know each other so well, we both know that she has just done this thing that nobody else would understand, but for some strange reason, even without being able to read her mind, I know exactly what she's talking about.

It has happened with Garrison as well. I'm not sure if it's me that's acutely in tune with my mom and son or if we all share this connection. Many times with Garrison, even though I have known what he was talking about, I've acted like I didn't, in an effort to sort of train him to be more aware of his communication style. I don't know if it helped or not, but that is what I thought was best. It was sort of like explaining to him as he was growing up what kind of expectations might be out in the world. I know his heart and his intentions, but a potential boss or girlfriend might not have this knowing and understanding of him. I tried to teach him and encourage him to be very clear with his communication. I have to admit it feels like I didn't get the message across, but then again maybe I did and he's just doing the best that he can with his current level of awareness and his particular set of challenges.

It's funny how I can start writing about some random thing and it turns into a post about something completely different. I have tons and tons of love for my son, but very little understanding. What I am ever grateful for regarding Garrison, is the knowing I have in my heart and the very depths of my soul that he will be just fine, whether I understand him or not.

However, regarding "that boat" in the title, I still remain utterly and completely clueless.

This IS what I want

I intend to be concise in my communication style for the highest good of myself and everyone involved.

I am an attentive listener. I am the queen of clarification. I intend for you to understand that you are important enough to me to have my full attention. I want you to be true to you and I want nothing less for myself.

I allow this or something better to flow through me from the connection I have to the ultimate creative source.

The best I can be

Understanding, that anyone other than yourself, is going to have a completely different perspective from you is an invaluable coping mechanism.

How can anyone have the exact same perspective as you? They have not experienced the same life events as you. If you have this idea in your mind when communicating with people it helps break down communication barriers, because when you have an awareness about the certainty of a different perspective it allows you to truly listen.

When you are hearing some one talk and have no awareness of this certain difference, you have a subconscious expectation that they will say something that you can agree upon. When something completely asinine comes out of their mouth, your jaw drops in utter surprise. You think, How in the hell can you think that is right? I don't know about you, but I feel the need to interrupt because I want to defend my perspective as the right way of thinking.

However, how can always being on the defense about my perspective expand my awareness. I am here to be the best me that I can be.

Therefore when entering into conversation I intend to set my ego aside and open my ears to the possibility of expanding my awareness.