What else could these lyrics mean?

Disco lady by Johnnie Taylor, 1976
I Feel love by Donna Summer, 1977

With songs like these filling my ears as a child it is my humble opinion that it would be virtually impossible to grow up and NOT have a dirty mind. These are only two examples! There are hundreds of songs that poured all kinds of sexual images into my sponge of a young mind.

Keep in mind I was born in 1969, so in 76 and 77 I was pretty little and somehow I was keen on the lyrics of Johnnie Taylor's above mentioned song. Disco lady. Shake it up, shake it down, move it in, move it around,...who doesn't know he singing about fuckin'? Right?

I'm just sayin' this exposure to R&B music of the mid 70's may be the root and I don't, for the record, think that having a dirty mind is a bad thing. I think it's for the sake of fun and isn't that what life is all about anyway?

Wait a minute,...

There are so many things you can say that sound like you are saying the exact same thing, yet they are completely different. For example, let's say you have dental insurance and they tell you your policy covers cleanings every 6 months. You get off the phone thinking, Ok, perfect I get 2 cleanings per year. You schedule your appointment, get your teeth cleaned and walk out feeling all Jim dandy because your insurance is going to "cover it". AND THEN you get a bill because your insurance DIDN'T cover it!!! You're thinking what the hell, I called and checked on this.

However, a cleaning every 6months is very different than 2 cleanings in a year. You see? It sounds the same, but it is not.

The same goes when you are having a conversation with someone that is experiencing a challenging situation in their life. You are listening, listening, listening and listening some more. You can tell they are all into this challenge because they are not able to emotionally detach. You try to interject some tips on letting go of what is creating the challenge in their life and they respond with, "I know", repeatedly. When really a more appropriate answer would be, "I hear what you're saying", because if they actually did "know" about letting go, they wouldn't be challenged by the situation in which they are so emphatically speaking.

This may seem like a harsh judgement on my part, but really what it is, is raised awareness. It is an attempt on my part to practice letting go. It definitely is a process and it always will be. As long as we are humans, we will have challenges and opportunities to practice letting go. Our human selves have this mind function called ego that is about controlling, getting approval and judgement.

Once we let go of trying to control and just allow people and situations to simply be, our stress level drops dramatically.

Once we let go of trying to get approval and just allow ourselves to be our authentic selves, our stress level drops dramatically.

Once we let go of judging others and allow them to be their authentic selves we can provide ourselves with on opportunity to be our authentic selves without fear of judgement.

Whew! I feel better already! That sounds like such a sense of relief. I vow to myself to live at a raised sense of awareness and because of that I allow you to be your authentic self, whatever that means to you is none of my business.

Knowing something and living something are very different things.

Warning! Don't ruffle my feathers!!

A few weeks ago we had a little fun adventure trekking up to Seattle to get married. It was easily one of the best weekends of my life. We spent a few days up there and the day after our wedding we were checking out some shops and walking around. We had Waffles, our golden retriever, with us. Yes, he went too. He really wanted to go.

After we ate lunch, we decided to go over to Volunteer park and walk around a bit. We discovered a pretty cool cemetery right next to the park, so we walked around to the entrance. Lake view cemetery, hmmm. Let's check it out.

I'm not sure why we end up in cemeteries so often, I guess because it is kinda cool to read the tombstones and think about the lives of people from hundreds of years ago. We always walk around in a very respectful manner and Waffles, if you don't know him, is the best behaved dog ever!!! I may be a little biased. Maybe,...a little bit,...not really. He really is the best!

Don't get me started on how awesome my dog is,....but you could check out his Facebook page if you are doubting his awesomeness. (Waffles Bear) Really!! I'm not kidding,..

Anyway,... I digress, we were just walking along, the three of us, minding our own business, and I mean literally, Waffles was taking care of business and Keri was tending to his business, when this vagrant looking woman starts yelling and pointing at us.

She yells, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE YOUR DAMN DOG OUT OF HERE AND QUIT LETTING HIM SHIT ON PEOPLE'S GRAVES? THERE'S A SIGN POSTED, NO DOGS ALLOWED!!!

#1 He wasn't doing that, (well he was pooping, but not on someone's grave, we have more respect than that)

#2 Keri acknowledged her and quite calmly I might add. Keri said and I quote, Your opinion has be heard, thank you

#3 we, actually, did NOT see the sign

Then the butt-in-ski woman yells back at Keri, YEAH RIGHT!!! WHY DON'T YOU AND YOUR DAMN DOG LEAVE AND TAKE YOUR GIRLFRIEND WITH YOU!!!

Honestly, I am usually looking away and trying to be as small as possible when words start flying around, but this time, it was like a switch went off in me and I started walking towards her at a quick pace with my index finger waving in the air, Excuse me!!! Excuse me!!! I'll have you know that SHE is my WIFE!!! And I don't appreciate your,...rude,... comments!!!

It was way more bad ass in my mind,...

As I was approaching her, she was walking away and yelling back at me that she was going to call the cops. Keri got my attention, Angel! Angel! Let it go!

Whew!!! That pissed me off! She could have approached us in a reasonable manner and said politely, excuse me, maybe you didn't see it, but there is a sign posted at the entrance indicating there are no dogs allowed.

We are reasonable people we would have thanked her and made our way to the exit!! But I don't really think her intention was to create a solution or come to a resolution. Clearly, someone pissed in her Post Toasties and she was set on paying it forward!!!

It was a feather ruffling experience for sure and Keri and I were talking it out and attempting to calm each other down. We decided we weren't going to let some random aggressive stranger ruin our wedding weekend and we agreed we would let it go. Although, it did feel pretty amazing to me, to step up and defend my wife. I keep wondering if it was some kind of spousal instinct that kicked in after the I do's.

A little while later and after a bit of reflection Keri says, I just thought of the perfect response. I could have said, isn't it almost 4o'clock, you'd better hurry up, I hear the shelters fill up quick! She claimed she was going to put that in her arsenal for future use. Curious about this arsenal of hers, I asked, What else you got in that arsenal of yours?
She turned and looked at me with the cutest little dead pan look ever and said, That's it so far.

We had a pretty good laugh. That's right!!! We are pretty tough! So just watch it!!! Don't mess with us because we will lash back with our 1 weapon arsenal and tell you how much we don't appreciate your disrespect!!!!

So look out!!!!

It will be fun Damn it!!!

Is this a generalization or do all girls enjoy "Girls night out"? It seems kinda silly now that I actually said it out loud. Of course not all girls enjoy, "Girls night out"!!!

I'm a girl and Keri is a girl. So, according to Keri, every time we go out, we are "technically" having a "girls night out". Therefore, Keri being, not quite as social as I am, would be satisfied with our current technical definition of girls night out. However, my idea of girls night out, involves at least one of the following: dancing, singing, adult beverages, a group of girls.

So, I find myself at a cross roads,... continue with the girls night out that Keri has been planning, which I do always enjoy, don't get me wrong, or step outside of my comfort zone and organize my own version of girls night out.

I can see a little cloud of confusion hanging out over your heads right about now. Why would I be uncomfortable planning a girls night out if that is what I want? Well, because "planning" girls night out is not what I want to do, ya see? What I want is to go out for girls night out, not plan girls night out. See the difference???

This is part of what makes my relationship with Keri so magical, she likes to plan and I like to attend. Only problem is Keri is not going to plan the kind of girls night out that I'm talking about, remember?

So, I will have to plan
it myself. I don't know why planning gives me such anxiety? That's not true, I do know. Ok, here it goes,...I get anxious because I'm afraid I'll piss someone off, some how. I know it's an irrational fear, actually, I am just saying that, I don't REALLY know that!!! The fear seems pretty real to me. It does sound good to call it irrational though, doesn't it?

Planning involves energy, research, pitching a stream of ideas, that people could reject, hoping that everything will work out for a fun time to be had by all and the more people you include the higher the chance that one of those people won't be satisfied. Big heavy sigh!!!!

I just need to do it and get over the fear. I wanna go dancing. I wanna go singing. I wanna go have drinks!!! I wanna have fun, laugh and play. Who wants to plan it for me? Haha!!! Just kidding, I am not a planner, I am an attendee. I can be a damn good co-host though,... Wink wink

Fuck it! I AM A PARTY PLANNER!!!! I am planning it and it will be fun!

You will have fun damn it!!!

Acceptance sets you free

I choose to allow you to be whatever you need to be in this moment, because when I resist what you are choosing to be, it disconnects my compressor and drains energy from me to fuel the happiness in myself. So, you just go right ahead and do what you feel is best for you and I will do the same.

Love light and happiness

WHAM!!!

OMG!!!! Careless Whisper???

I am sort of,...no! I mean, REALLY embarrassed to actually admit this, but, (deep breath),... Ok,... another deep breath,... I, Angel Zamudio, actually sang this song,..to a boy,...in high school. OMG!!!! Did I actually just admit that? OMG!!! I did!!!

It's ok! It's ok! Sigh!!! No! It's not OK! That is not cool!!! Not cool at all!

FUCK!!!!!!!

Wait! Wait one fuckin' minute! Don't you dare judge me! (Hey, psst! You! The reader, I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to my proverbial self, so don't get pissed off, ok?) Fuck you! I am doing the best that I can here. I'm 14 years old!!! Living in OKLAHOMA!!!! Not a gay person, OUT, for hundreds of miles. I wanted to feel!!! I wanted to feel love, so, yes, I sang Careless Whisper to some dude on the phone. Oops, did I forget that part earlier? Damn! It just keeps getting better,...doesn't it?

Geez!!! Big. Heavy. Sigh!!! Oh well,... You're right 14yo self, you were doing the best that you could with your level of awareness at the time. Good for you for putting yourself out there. That certainly was brave. Vulnerable and probably, just a smidge ear piercing. You know you can't sing. See how brave you were???

Change your mind

I read one of those little meme things on Facebook recently that read, It's hard to stay positive when it seems like everything is going wrong, and my response to that was, If it seems that everything is going wrong, it may be time to change your mind.

What I mean by that is, perhaps, if your mind were focused on something that brings you joy, then maybe you could begin to feel a bit of relief. I know it is hard to do sometimes, but it is possible to change your focus. It is possible to retrain your brain. I know it's possible because I do it.

Imagine for just a moment that you're sitting in a cold drafty room with a leaky roof and there is slow constant drip right on top of your head. This water is dripping, dripping, dripping right on your head, constantly nagging you. Every single time it drips on you, your body has a slight flinch and over time this flinch causes you to tire and feel exhausted. Your muscles tighten and you can't seem to relax.

Then all of a sudden you realize you can get up from the chair and walk away from the drip that has been driving you crazy! You can seek out a more desirable place to be.

Imagine what a relief you would feel to be away from that nagging drip. It can be as easy or as difficult as you choose and yes, you can choose.

You have the power to make changes in your life. All it takes is for YOU to make up your mind that you want better and then reach out and grab it! Reach for happy feeling thoughts. Reach for a sense of relief. Begin by taking the needle off the record of all the thoughts that drive you crazy. Bring peace into your current moment. Rest your brain and allow peace to drift in and imagine your body relaxing as you let go.

Just let go. Release your grip on that negative source of frustration. Release your grip on that confusion and open your mind to certainty. Start with what you know. I know I am sitting here right now, I know I am breathing right now. I know I want change in my life. I know that breath is the source of life. If I am not breathing I am not living and I can feel my breath. I know I can sit here for just a minute and focus my thoughts on my breathing, so I can experience a moment of relief. There is no right or wrong way to do this. The point is to feel relief.

As you do this and begin to experience a bit of relief, you may find that sense of relief very desirable. You may want to practice getting a moment of relief more and more and you find that you rather enjoy it. One moment of relief turns into two, and then 5 and so on. You may find that feeling a sense of relief is much easier than you thought and that is how you change your mind.

Change your mind, change your life.